Are Guys Emotionally shut down?

I assume guys would know the answer to this better then anyone... Why are guys so indifferent? It's so easy for a guy to just forget about a girl he claimed to love and move on, while the girl will be depressed and sad for weeks or months... Girls seem to invest so much more of themselves into a relationship then guys do... When my ex broke up, he said just because I'm not bawling doesn't mean I'm not hurting!! Do guys just hide it that good or do they really have the ability to move forward that easy?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • We HAVE to develop a harder heart than a woman and / or not show any pain. A man being emotional is treated with contempt & derision by BOTH genders , women instantly get support , women have the advantage of ultra close friendships with other women that men never have with each other. I am the type to quickly move on , but I'm detached by nature. Women have another advantage , a woman can easily find another man , whereas men are very often single for several months , if not years , between relationships

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    • Then Society is really to blame for men's lack of showing emotions.

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    • I've had the opposite issues, I have been treated badly by the men in my life... why do you feel women detest men?

    • Had the misfortune to work with a lot of man haters , I'm a single dad that has encountered a lot of hostility from women that assume I'm a sex predator , just for being male , also so many of my female work colleagues speak of " their man " with nothing but contempt , the single women there avoid men like the plague. In my marriage that I ended , I was treated as just a utility , nothing more. I think " media " conditioning , plus feminist anti male hate propaganda also has an effect. I am NOT a misogynist , I'm still cordial , but strictly business only / maintain a distance with women , I need to understand female POV to be a good father to my daughter.

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What Guys Said 15

  • Guys have a history in some cases almost working themselves close death after breakups as they realize that it was the relationship that kept them going.

    Also when breakups occur if guys dont get satisfactory answers they tend to blame themselves for the break up.

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    • after we broke up my ex actually called me and told me he had to be taken to the emergency room while at work because he thought he was having a heart attack... they admitted him he was having a severe anxiety attack and his blood pressure was through the roof, because he said he wasn't doing well with the break up and he was so stressed out he couldn't even breath... I thought maybe he was embellishing but after reading your comment, maybe he wasn't !

    • I have experince with this as my friends greatly range in age so I have seen more than enough friends deal with depression and breakups. So I say this from my own experince with friends and my own personal experience.

  • I've learned to move on faster, but used to take rejection pretty harsh when I was in my teens. I've had a lot of experiences where I realize I never meant anything to the girl I liked, and frankly she wouldn't have cared if I died or something tragic. So I live by the phrase "Don't waste time caring about someone who doesn't care about you." Since no girl I've ever liked has cared about me, that's been pretty easy; and however infatuated I might get over a girl, I think back to that and I forget about her in a matter of days. I'm pretty much done worrying about girls for the foreseeable future, so I don't really give a fuck what girls think about me anymore and frankly it's a very relieving feeling

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  • Actually, studies show most guys fare worse after a breakup or divorce, especially if it was instigated by his partner which it usually is. Although this is true in general, it may not be true in your case, since it sounds like your ex broke up with you. If ending it was his decision, that may be why he doesn't seem as bothered.

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    • that makes a lot of sense, that's why I was not understanding in my first post as to why he continues to send good morning text...

  • Easy? No, I don't agree. We may show it less to the world because men are taught since very young to hide what we're really feeling but deep within we suffer as much as women do.

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  • There are studies that suggest that guys actually feel more deeply, but show it differently. Guy's are more prone to act their feeling rather then show them, or tell them.

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  • The answer to your question is both. We are able to hide it (more like suppress) better but we also don't hold on to things for so long.

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  • No but society sometimes makes guys believe that we should be tough rocks lol

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  • being seperated from my wife I can say guys really do hurt. I really miss them and pray for them everyday. We feel we wish we could have been a nicer more caring man and well who knows what the future will bring. Thanks for the post i think sharing this is good for you to get your voice out it helps healing and can make you a better person in the future just learn from your past.

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  • No, I believe it takes longer for guys to move on emotionally. But we know how to accept things and learn to live with the situation.

    For me it could be said it's exactly oposite from your situation.

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  • cause society tells guys to just suck up pain and not be a whimp...

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  • I've pretty much been able to move on pretty fast.

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  • We suck it up and move on. No sense on dwelling in the past.

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    • that's more how I should have worded it... Guys just seem to shove their feelings down and seem as if their doing fine... It leaves girls with the feeling that they didn't mean as much to the guy I think

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    • @Truthatanycost I didn't say we shove them down. I stated we tend to vent or as you describe channel them.

    • @Truthatanycost Yeah, I disagree. I find it difficult to believe that anyone can fully understand the opposite sex because it can be difficult to relate and most importantly every individual is different and not necessarily predictable.

  • Guys take it worse. You're wrong.

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    • I didn't think I was absolutely right , that's why I was questioning it... We didn't want to end things but timing is everything... And he just seemed to be in such control over himself...

    • Well I was talking in general. But of course it depends on the individual and the scenario. Maybe he just wasn't that into you or he did actually hide it well.
      As for me, I don't really show much emotions and you'd get the impression that I just don't care but that's definitely not the case.

    • he was actually my high school boyfriend, we had both moved back home around the same time and reconnected, he said he was hurting and didn't want to end it , but for now he had to do what he had to do and not what he wanted... but who knows!

  • Guys hide it. Since we're little, we're told to "Be a man" and "Real men don't cry." Society views men expressing emotion as weak.

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  • Personally i get really attached to girls and even if they never went out with me and we were close, I get very emotionally unstable when they leave my life (if i had sexual feelings towards them)

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    • it's nice to know some guys actually show their feelings...

    • I'm actually really bad at showing my feelings so not many people know that i feel this way about them

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