My long term girlfriend ended our relationship because she wants space, are we over for good or will she come back?

Hi everybody, I'm not one to post on forums but I feel like this is my only option right now, I will try to keep it brief but I'm sure I will ramble on, if anybody reaches the end or replies thank you so much! Just some background info on me and my girlfriend: I am 23 & she is 21, I work full time and she is still in University. She is my first serious relationship and I am her second, her previous relationship she was cheated on and treated like poop. Anyways, me and my girlfriend had been together for 4 years when suddenly last week we had a massive fight (which was becoming an everyday thing) and she said she was ending our relationship as she wants space from us, she claimed that the 4 years together has taken its toll on her and she was becoming unhappy, she said she was too reliant on me and she felt as she came straight out of her previous relationship and a few months later we was dating that she never got to enjoy life like a teenager should, she said she wasn't doing everyday things and pursuing dreams because she was too focused on us that she wasn't doing things like going on holiday with her friends, going out partying, feeling free and not needing to worry about somebody else etc. Since last week she has called a few times and messaged me saying she misses me but she doesn't want us right now but she didn't rule anything out for the future. I've been at home crying for days on end because this girl was my life for 4 years and she has dropped us to have space, fun and freedom, we was moving into a flat together in two weeks time for the first time but now we obviously aren't. what I need to know guys is if she will come back to me, if after a few weeks/months she will come back as she misses us or is this something that happens and the dumper never comes back? She claims to still love me and doesn't rule anything out in the future but for now she said she doesn't want us and wants space and freedom. All replies/opinions welcome, thanks in advance!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • So basically wants to be a single 21 year old who can party and sleep around then once she has finished having her time off and the casual sex/meetings become lonely to her and she feels like shit and misses someone who cares about her, then she will come running back to you, and tells you she misses and loves you but still needs time to think so she is stringing you along, hoping she will get back with you. When you are in love with someone you don't need time to think you don't need to figure out if you love them. Move on.

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    • Thank you for your reply, it hurts reading what you said because what you said is true, I just thought she was different to the rest and we was meant to be, she always said she never cared for those things but now she clearly does.

Most Helpful Guy

  • There was a time when she was having fun and felt free, while in a relationship with you. But at some point, she stopped using those words to describe your relationship. But, because we all want to have fun, and because we basically are free at the core, her spirit rebelled at this. And that's why she left.

    She definitely loves you but was feeling so trapped that she needed to get away from you to breathe easy. She will come back again if she starts associating you with the words "fun" and "freedom".

    Think back to the beginning and how it felt. Then try to find the place where YOU stopped feeling fun and free, and instead became "serious". We are taught that we either have fun , OR are in a serious relationship. As if you can't have fun in a monogamous relationship. And we are taught you are either free, or you're in a relationship. As if a relationship is a prison.

    Who would want to go to prison and not have fun?

    So practice your own sense of fun and freedom. In the end, it doesn't really matter if she comes back or not. You may end up with another one who's even better. Yes I know you're thinking no such person exists but one time, you didn't know this one, and she did come along. It can and will happen again.

    Breathe easy and take your time. Focus on you and on what you're wanting in a mate.

    I hope this helps a bit. Good luck.

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    • Thank you for such a detailed response you've certainly helped! I dont know where to begin with responding to that but you've really made sense and it really hit home. I just hope she realises what we had and comes back, we had something special but she seems to be stuck in her way she doesn't want us until she has had her freedom and space but a lot can happen in that amount of time, she said it would be months and months before she even considered us and couldn't promise me that we would ever be back together. I just hope she sees sense soon! Thanks again.

    • You’re very welcome and I have another recommendation for you: whenever you feel yourself having judgmental thoughts about her, try to focus back on the good, and only the good, about her. Just like she stopped thinking “fun!” and “freedom!” when she thought about you, so you also started to have doubts or some other negative thought about the relationship at some point, which likely reinforced her feeling trapped.

      You said it yourself: you had something special, but not in the sense that you’ll never find love again; also not in the sense that she won’t. You both will, maybe with each other, maybe with others. But you for sure will. So start really focusing on that, and keep doing it. I don’t know if this makes sense to you but you did attract her into your life, she didn’t just “happen”. It was brought about by your focusing positively on what you wanted.

      One great thing about her, and I really mean no disrespect but instead I’m trying to get you to see one great side about her: s

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • don't contact her, get yourself busy and enjoy your time away from her.

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    • Easier said than done but thank you for your reply, I'm trying :)

  • Just give her space and to have fun doing whatever. It's good that she misses you really good. Just do you right now I know it's hard believe me I know when she's ready she be back. Just believe she well also. Good luck.

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  • Over for good

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'd say if she was so desperate to leave and be alone, she won't come back for at least 2 months

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  • That's not good when girls say they want space.

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