How do you talk to your partner when they're upset about something you've done?

Long story short, my SO went through phone and saw text thread from someone from the past. The conversation was strictly business. I consoled this person regarding an investment that my boyfriend and I were looking to do together. He knows all about business and realty. Was mentioned previously that I'm happily in a relationship but SO can't get over that I had a "past" with this. Stupid move. He gave me an option of letting him see the conversation or the relationship was over. I patiently explained to him that the conversation was strictly businesss and was previously mentioned that I was in a relationship. He ended it anyway, after the fact that he felt upset that I consoled a person from the past. He told me to leave his home and I left, but I wanted to explain and now I'm concerned that he'd want nothing to do with me anymore :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If I had a girlfriend who got angry with me over something she found on my phone, she wouldn't be my girlfriend for much longer. Although a woman who would do something like that would never become my girlfriend. Snooping and jealousy are both intolerable.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It means that he does not trust you, and without trust there is no relationship. So he either wants to give you a chance to explain yourself or not. Sounds like he has trust issues though.

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    • He always has

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    • Yes, I agree and I tried to explain to him but never got a reply. I explained to him that I've never cheated and that I was talking to this friend for business purposes. All he cared about was that he was a guy.

    • You can't do much about it, as far as you're concerned- you have tried your best to explain. But his mind is too closed off to even really listen to what you are saying.

      His trust issues are his to resolve. He has to want to work on it. You can't want it for him so until then, you just need to go your separate ways. Its prolly better for you, you don't wanna be with a guy who does not trust you and questions everything. He checked and went through your phone because he does not trust you. That's a red flag right there.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Of your conversations were strictly business thrn you had nothing to hide and then you should have let him see them...
    So I am calling bullshit on this one!!! I think you must be sexting or Flirting with that person...

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    • No flirting and he saw everything

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    • Then in that case he is just insecure as hell... it's not your fault then

    • I take accountability in a way for not telling him initially that I had a past with him. He asked and I was honest.

  • You screwed up big time. I can't think of any way for you to regain his trust now. You should just hook-up with your phone text buddy.

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What Girls Said 1

  • So you were talking to ex for "business reasons" and you told him your happy in your relationship, but didn't tell your partner as if you had, he wouldn't of "found it" whilst going through your phone.

    The fact he's going through your phone suggests there are trust issues already and that you haven't mentioned that you had been dealing with an ex would raise red flags for him as if there is nothing to hide, why hide it or not mention it in normal conversation looks very dubious.
    Your story says you were dealing with him for business reasons that he knows about then changes at the end to you were "consoling him" which is more emotional than a usual business interaction.

    Even I'm suspicions and I don't know you :-

    -Talking to an ex
    - already trust issues
    - you hide/fail to menti on it to him
    - changes/inconsistencies in your story

    I don't think he's coming back and if he does he will never trust you

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    • I didn't mean to put console in that way. He was made aware of that and saw my phone. I had nothing to hide.

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    • I explained to him that maybe he was seeing something other than what it really was. Reality of it is he has trust issues and as much as I love him, he didn't trust me in the first place and that really hurts. What now? Now he has some kind of dirt on me and he refuses to contact me back. Should I wait it out? Happened yesterday.

    • In reality nothing more than a conversation has happened, yes it was with an ex, but you made it clear you were happy in your relationship.

      I'd be wary of the jealousy but you say you've said your sorry and that should be that if you begoing back it's like a reward for his actions, which are understandable to a certain point but if you have never done anything before of this nature then he may come round to getting over it but sneaky behaviour is sneaky behaviour he suspected and found so if it was me I wouldn't get back with you as who needs that - it's far easier to talk, simply communicate,

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