What's up with my ex?

My ex broke up with me at the end of July. We'd been dating for 4 months. She said the usual stuff: "it's not you its me", "I feel that I should be single for longer" "can we still be friends" etc etc haha. I agreed to remain friends and we broke up pleasantly and have been talking pleasantly via text since (which I had major doubts about doing) but recently she told me that she's already gone and gotten herself another boyfriend - someone who she's known for a little over a month. They've been together for about a week now. Is this a rebound thing?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "It's not you, it's me" pretty much means that her feelings for you are gone and she's moving on. It's never smart to stay in touch after a breakup because you give them the satisfaction of not having to feel bad for you. If they don't feel bad, they will not think of you. If they don't think of you, they will not miss you. If they don't miss you, they will not start comparing what she had to what she has now. When she finds that she had it good with you, they return to you. I would say cut off communication now. Do not even tell her. Drop off the face of the planet and either date or do something productive. Let her live out this relationship and give her the opportunity to miss you.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know it's really frustrating to observe this. You thought she was going to "stay single" like she said she would and it almost felt like you had this little project together. And then she has the nerve to get involved so quickly...

    You can learn a great deal in this situation if you'll focus on yourself and not her. She is completely immaterial. She broke up and it's you job to find peace within yourself. How peaceful can you be? How much can you let her go?

    How much can you free yourself from the need to "know": is this serious? Is it rebound? Will it last? Then what's going to happen?

    There is no way you can ever know what's in another person't heart, not ever. There is no "rebound". That's just a word invented by frustrated lovers who needed to put their exes down. "Oh, she's in rebound mode. It'll never last". But deep down, they just feel badly about themselves, and they feel hurt.

    So, your job is to focus on YOU. Learn to relax your mind, learn to meditate which is really easy. You will realize that you have everything you need. Also, if you can, begin to just think back to the times you were happy together. What was it that drew you to her in the first place? What do you really like about her? Etc.

    These thoughts, when stable inside you, will make it much easier to let her go. And you might as well, because she is gone. But what you can learn will lead the next one, a MUCH better one, to find you. That's just the way it works.

    Right now, you don't really want her back. How I know this is because if you could teleport her over there with you right now, what would happen? She's in love with another guy, so she would leave you instantly again.

    And you don't want a girl who leaves you, you want someone who wants you and who will stay. Likewise, she would never want someone who got so devastated by her leaving. She would want someone who wants her but who was basically happy in his own skin.

    Does this make any sense? I hope it provides some perspective.
    Best of luck.

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    • Thank you for taking the time to write all that, but I think you have me wrong haha. I'm not devastated by the brake up. It's sucks but then we only dated for a few months so it's not too heart breaking. I just find it strange that she's already updated her FB status from single to "in a relationship with..." within just one month after telling me she wanted to be single and with a guy that she's only known for a month haha. And as for your statement that rebounds don't exist: I think the majority of people reckon they do exist. From what I've heard, rebounds are the result of the ex wanting to fill that emptiness left by the brake up and if that's the case with my ex then it concerns me because, naturally, I care about her well being. If it's not a rebound and she's actually been liking this guy for some time before we actually broke up then that's fine

    • Well, then you need not be concerned. She is clearly doing just fine :-)

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What Girls Said 3

  • "it's not you its me" actually means "it's you". It's just a coward way of putting it, in my opinion. At least, that's how I've always seen it.
    Not sure if it's a rebound thing but she's moved on.

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  • Nope. She just wasn't that into you

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  • Unfortunately, I think she lost her interest of you..

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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes or she was clearly already planning the break

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  • The fact you said "I feel that I should be single for longer" is probably an indication that she was already checking out other dudes :( I could be wrong though, but I am sorry to hear what you have been going through.

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