The other day, my boyfriend broke up with me. We'd been in a really good place so I was really confused. He told me it was just that he is super stressed and has a lot of personal issues going on right now. He's struggled with anxiety and depression before. He told me he loves me and wants to be with me, but can't be with me right now. He told me he needed some time The day after we broke up, we were ignoring each other at school. At lunch, he texted me saying he didn't want to ignore each other. We continued texting and he asked me to talk after school. I went over to his house. I told him I was confused and hurt. He usually doesn't like talking about his feelings and it's hard for him to express his emotions. He told me I needed to trust him and that this is what's best for us right now. He then went on to explain that his dad has cancer (he lives in a different state) and he is just feeling super pressured right now. He said he just doesn't want to lose me and would rather have me as a best friend than nothing at all. We later went to a football game and he was kissing me on the cheek and telling me he loves me and coming over to see me for no reason. After the game, we went back to his house and had sex. During, he kept repeating that he lovEs me.
Most Helpful Guy
I know this feels very confusing and kind of like the rug has been pulled from under you. I'm pretty sure things aren't easy for him either and I wonder what it would have taken for him to ask you to just be a little patient with him as he works these things out without changing your relationship. But anyway, this isn't the situation.
The first thing I'd ask you to consider is that there is only ever now, the present moment, in which to live, love, be together, or to no be together. Talking about waiting for somebody and feelings in the future is all well and good but we all know the future never looks like we plan it out.
I also invite you to consider that the only person whom you can begin to understand, is you. You can't really understand other people's motives and a perfect example is him breaking up while you weren't having any problems.
So focus on yourself. He says he wants to stay connected with you. Is that what you want? You must look inside and feel how you feel about it. Does it feel great to be with him, to have sex with him, to talk to him, even though you're not together? Just keep checking in and do what feels good to you.
You can never mess it up because it's your life and you are learning lessons you can only learn by experience. Furthermore, we aren't taught in school to listen to our hearts. Rather, depending on our culture, a confusing set of rules and standards are laid out, including instructions on how to judge others should they stray from the path.
But your parents only agree 85% with your uncle who only agrees 60% with your girlfriends etc. So you're really on your own. You have to learn to listen to your heart and go with your intuition.
It's not a bad thing to have sex with someone after they break up with you. As long as you understand and honor what they said: "we're not together". Okay, you can take this or leave it, and you're free to change your mind at any time.
There are no contracts to sign (don't sign anything lol) so just go with what you choose. Relax and give yourself time and remember that you are unique and amazing.
I hope this makes a little sense and I get the feeling you already know what I just wrote, and that you have a pretty high awareness of your own spirit. I also hear an absence of judgment of him which is great. Keep it that way and just come from love always. Mostly to yourself but others as well.
Most Helpful Girl
You should stop having sex with him. And he shouldn't be telling you he loves you. If he loved you there would be no point in breaking up. Him saying sweet things to you is only gonna make you feel more and more for him. Just give him space. No sex. And see how it goes.0