Friends with Benefits went south, now what?

I dated this guy back in December to the end of February. We were friends before that for about 3 months. Our relationship wasn't bad or anything, he just didn't want to put in the work for a relationship. As he put it, he didn't want a relationship but wanted to be with me. Well I suggested we do friends with benefits so we could keep all the good things from our relationship. It was working there for a bit but summer time came around and we just kept fighting. Pretty much, he still didn't want a relationship and I still wanted one. Well after the summer ended we just kept fighting. So I went a week without talking to him, just give us space. After the week he said nothing really changed. He no longer wanted to have sex because he was interested in another girl and didn't really want to put in the work to be friends with me. He thinks I can never be happy. I told him I was fed up with everything, told him I didn't want to be friends anymore. I told him to stay away from me bc we have never gone longer than a week without seeing each other or talking to each other. He told me no because he didn't want to change his behavior. He ignores any messages from me but will ask for me to come study with our friends (in college) and his face lights up when he sees me. I would love to be friends again, he destroyed any feelings I had for him. I don't think he has any interesting in being with me but he is still trying to weasel himself back into my life. I'm sure how to handle this all besides just avoid him.


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What Guys Said 1

  • "Pretty much, he still didn't want a relationship and I still wanted one"

    That's your problem right there. You were on separate pages and wanted to push a relationship.
    Sorry, it don't work that way.

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What Girls Said 1

  • What you need to do is take your eyes off of him and put your eyes on yourself. You are deluding yourself and fighting for this illusion of a relationship that doesn't truly exist. This guy does not want you. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that, but you need to hear it, accept it, and move forward with your life without lingering around his life like an abandoned, starving, neglected puppy who won't leave someone's doorstep after they slammed the door in their face. For whatever reason, this guy is not interested in experiencing you as a girlfriend. He does not share the desire and urge to experience all the wonderful, lovely nonsexual things you would like to enjoy with him. You're not the woman he wants to bring on his arm to family weddings and work parties. So the more you try to force and push yourself into his heart, the more you prolong your heartache and hurt yourself. Honestly girl, you should have accepted this a long time ago instead of agreeing to be "friends with benefits" and essentially trying to win him over with your sexual side. You cannot win a man's heart with your vagina. You cannot give a man's soul a boner with your pussy. A man is not going to wake up and realize he loves you because you have good pussy or have sexed him enough to learn what he likes, how he likes it, and just how to lay down the meticulous trimmings on dat dick.

    The way you handle this is by removing yourself from his life instead of keeping the hope and faith alive that he'll one day change his mind and start treating you more like a Queen and less like a piece of ass.

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    • Exactly what I'm thinking. I have friends trying to tell me otherwise that because he's still trying to have me in his life then I should try to stay in his but I agree with everything you said. This is exactly why I don't want to be his friend anymore. I want to remove myself from his life.

    • Your friends don't know wtf they're talking about. Don't listen to them. You will never be able to be his friend because you already crossed the point of no return and experienced him sexually. You two are never going to be friends and it honestly seems that you just lie to yourself about that so that you can try to win his heart.

    • Thank you, seriously. My friends have been trying to change my mind. There is no point of return. And I'm perfectly okay with it. My life has improved more in the past couple weeks without him versus when we were friends for a whole year. He's going to try to mess with me, when I told him to stay away from me he said no. But I think as long as stand my ground he'll eventually get that things are forever done. That there is no going back.

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