Friends with ex?

Has anyone ever stayed friends with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend or do you always think its too hard. Is there ever any motives behind someone wanting to stay friends with them or what? At first me and my ex had sex a few trimes and then he thought it was a bad idea as it was not fair to ether of us and he suggested us be friends. I think it is very hard in my opinion bc although our relationship was short I found him to be someone who I would be with for a long time. So has anyone had a sucessful friendship and how did it turn out, did you get back together or what happened/


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think there are always motives for "let's be friends."

    For the dumper: let's be friends so I can pretend that I am letting you down slowly and that won't hurt as much, and then I won't feel so guilty about hurting a nice person.

    or

    let's be friends so, if I don't find somebody else ) or if the somebody else I already found doesn't work out) you'll be right here and we can get back together.

    For the dumpee: let's be friends so that you'll continue to see what a wonderful person I am and you'll want to come back to me.

    or

    let's be friends so I can keep track of what you are doing and I can move in to interfere if you get into anything too serious.

    or

    let's be friends so I can be pathetic and pretend that we haven't really broken up and I won't have to deal with my broken heart.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your ex. seems like a nice guy. Too bad it didn't work out. Best to cut all contacts when you still have feelings. Allowing the sex to happen will not help you move on and you will get hurt more and wonder more like right now.

    To answer your question. College boyfriend. no more contact. ex. yes. share kids.
    current ex. minimum contacts. he checks up on me occassionally. I am okay with that, no more feelings. Both have moved on, and focusing on current relationship.

    Best to just move on from one another. So you can be free of meeting new people.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Yes there is always motives behind it. Someone wants to bang one last time. Or have a backup bang

    Never stay friends with an ex. You are just asking for trouble.

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  • I did once, but only because we were still having sex on the side. It was still not a good thing. We ended up arguing like we were still together.

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    • We continued to have sex after the bu until August when he didn't think it was a good idea or fair for both of us. He was the one to go back and fourth with feeling that but no arguing and now he wants to be friends and asks if i want to talk about anytihng. Truly sucks

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    • Yeah, I can't be freiends with him. I think i am going to say what i have been wanting to say for months and thats it. Get it all off my chest

    • Good deal.. Hey where's the like? It does go a long way with asking questions in the future:)

  • i dont understand... if you found him someone to spend the rest of your life with, why did y'all break up. that's fucked up

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    • I did and thats why I am still confused. he was the one who broke up with me. We had this great connection on all levels but he was stressed from not being able to find a job and one day just closed off and upon coming out of that he broke up with me saying he was not feeling what he though he should at that time or ever being able to which hurt bc before that things were good and he was an amazing guy so its just weird to go from one day that to this now. That is also another reason i want to express my self to him once and for all since I never really did

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    • I know, but I have not seen him in a few weeks and I don't know if and when ill see him next. So not sure if the text is good enough. Its still very hard to push send for those words

    • tell him that you'd like to see him, but not for sex. that's all you need to say

What Girls Said 5

  • I really wanted to still be friends with my ex. But I came to the realization that... it would do more harm than good. I read a saying before that said "you can't be friends with your ex and if you are... it means you're still in love or never were". Honestly... I do find it true. I can see in instances when there are children involved though.

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    • I believe in that as well, as in my case it is true at the moment.

  • I never had a real boyfriend, like in real life lol I never held hands with a guy T_T Lmao
    But I had an "online boyfriend" and we're still friends although we went no contact for 4 months he randomly messaged me like 3 weeks ago.

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  • No, because it just complicates future relationships

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  • Well my sort of ex. We're on off for over a year and a half. We mutually cut it off as he went to uni elsewhere. He got a girlfriend. Cheated on that girlfriend with me. We stopped speaking for a year. And now he's back and we're back to being close again

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  • No, it's an absolutely idiotic, delusional, unrealistic idea. You cannot be friends with an ex because you two have already crossed the point of no return. People who try to be friends with an ex are usually just trying to hang around, stay included in the ex's life, and give themselves a reason to remain hopeful that maybe some day they can try being a couple again. You guys are never going to be friends and it will become unbearably apparent once another woman comes along and he starts eagerly giving her all of the non-sexual things he's no longer interested in giving you anymore.

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    • True, I was not the one who suggested to stay friends he was. It is very much hard for me to do that if i tired as i still have those feelings. He keeps asking if i want to talk or say anything after he said we should stop. I plan on telling him my feelings since the bu but i guess something inside me is just scared to althought we have been broken up for 4 months already and stopped sexual contact last month

    • It's not fair for you to stay stuck in the past because he's so selfish that he would actually request a 'friendship' as if you're supposed to be cool with being demoted from a girlfriend, to a sex toy thang, to a 'friend'. Now is the time for you to be assertive and take control of your destiny. Stop giving him the option to decide what you get to have from a man where you have to settle for much less than what you want.

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