Change of heart?

After 14 years together, my spouse now doesn't feel the same about me. We have not been intimate in at least a year. He feels if we separate for a while, things will get better or I will realize that being in a relationship with someone who tells me he doesn't feel the same about me (on a regular basis) will be better than being alone. As a mom in her thirties, with no immediate family, I have a fear of being alone but I worry that few guys would give a second glance my way. We have had a good relationship until the past few years, which have gotten much worse lately. I have always been loyal and supportive, I just don't understand and he doesn't give any explaination. From a guys perspective, what could cause such a drastic change in someone's feelings?


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What Guys Said 1

  • You know, from looking at your age and the length of your relationship, things like this just happen. You guys got together when you were REALLY young and there's no doubt that you two are different people today than you were when you were 16-21. Relationships take work, but it can't be all one-sided. I do think that if you guys separate, you two probably won't get back together.

    But here's the thing -- you're plenty attractive if you want to find someone new. You'll have lots and lots of options so I wouldn't worry about that, but while I wouldn't say to completely give up, you need to prepare yourself for a life without this guy. You can't let him make all the plans and all the calls without you making some plans of your own. Think about what you and your kids would need to go on without him and start making plans. If you two have a strong income disparity, then I think you might want to consider a legal separation if he's bent on doing this. That way, you can define visitation and maintenance/support orders.

    Again, I'm not saying you should go in any particular direction, but you have to protect yourself. He's given this a lot of thought so you need to as well.

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What Girls Said 1

  • This kind of stuff happens in marriages. People decide that they don't love that person anymore or feel the same way. I think most people don't have a grasp on what love is. Love is not this cute, fluffy feeling you have about someone. Love is a choice you make everyday when you wake up and see that person next to you, it's a choice you make when they bug the shit out of you leaving their dirty socks on the ground or have to call the plummer for the 20th time cause you've got a crap ton of hair ladies. ALL marriages have a point (or multiple ones) where this happens and now-a-days people give up.
    Separating is NOT the first step in working out the issue. You need to be having marriage counseling to figure out the route of the issue. This issue can be subconscious and he/you might not even realize you are doing it!
    Most people that divorce end up getting married over and over again.. this is because they hit the same road block over and over again and instead of moving the road block they just reverse and do it all over again in a new car.

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