Gags, what would you say about my actions in this situation with my ex?

Were together for 1,5 years. Turbulent and volatile type of relationship - love- hate. The only reason i didn't lose my mind was my strengths and ability to reason with someone who often gets quite unreasonable. Plans, counselling sessions, unemployment, lack of money, dreams, fights and arguments... unplanned pregnancy, my decision to have the baby, his decision to be the best dad possible, then changed to leaving us and not wanting to do anything with the child, threats, outrageous behavior, come back and leaving us again. After he moved out of the property that we were both renting, he called the agency and took his name off the lease, caused few issues as he has done this before. He started demanding money that i owe him from furniture that we bought together and he couldn't take with him. I started partially returning these money. Calling and showing up without my consent and causing drunken arguments and disturbing me at night time with abuse in my address, threatening me with disappearance, lawyers, falsely accusing me in cheating on him, and not taking a single bit of responsibility for what has happened to me as well. Last time I saw him I screamed out for him to leave my house and leave me alone, last time he contacted me he demanded me to be supportive as he is going through a lot with his mum getting ready for a melanoma surgery soon. I offered my heal with talking things thorough and told him i was there for him if he wanted help from me. He answered that he wasn't comfortable about talking with me on this. And also told him that if he wanted to stay in good relationship with me and be part of his child's life, he needs to stop doing all the above. Showed him really tough love and told him I had a real baby to care for now. Never heard back from him since.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I so hope you can both grow up for that baby.
    Stop the arguments, get some parenting/custody orders in place and get a formal child support arrangement set up. You don't owe him money for furniture he failed to take with him when he left.

    I'm sure he is going through a difficult time with his mother, and that's very sad but if you aren't together it's not your responsibility to make him feel better, especially if it's bringing conflict and arguments into your home with a baby.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Your ex is clearly crazy but... you seem pretty crazy yourself. And the thing is, that's sort of to be expected. From what you wrote, you two clearly had this dramatic relationship where you two were willing participants in all of the craziness. I actually feel bad for your child and hope at least one of you two can get your act together for the sake of the baby.

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    • Would would this world would without haters like you, and without people like us? There wouldn't be anyone to critisize for haters-saints who got their life together. Wondered what exactly haters mean by got one's act together. We are both emoloyed, dont smoke, dont drink excessively (i dont in any case), dont use drugs, healthy, into sports, well travelled, educated, have relatives wnd friends, hobbies and achieve what we aim toward, for myself - I am happy with my life and where I am at personally. What is your further judgement?

What Girls Said 1

  • Do you really want to have a baby with this Ashole? You have already had 1.5 years of all this love/hate which is extremely toxic, do you want another 18years? You will be continually fighting and end up hating each other as a baby puts a lot of pressure on couples and even more in a scenario.
    Why not have a fresh start and leave all of this experience behind and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve and make a happy family and a happy loving environment for the baby.
    You should really be thinking of the baby as it sounds like you too are not ever going to work well together and because of this the baby will be very unstable.

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    • I know what you are saying, and thank you for your straight words. I dont want to be with him, but making a huge decision about my child's future in a way - should they know their father regardless of how he is - he is a dad after all, or would they be better off not even knowing him? Would they feel fullfilled in who they will become, would they ever feel they need to find him when they are grown up? I can't stop thinking about all of these. We are difinetely are better off without him for now, as it is too stressful to even speak with him over the phone. I would love to have a family with a man who would trully love me and wouldbe a good role model for my child. I dont want to give up on love, and think it is even more important to find it when the time is right. I am so tired from being upset and angry about his outrageous behavior, i just want to live, breath, smile, be happy as I am, and do my best to give this baby everything it needs. I love him and I love the baby &I am scared

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    • Lady, you are way hanged up on something that isn't important. And you are creepy to be quite honest. Badstards of a men and unplanned pregnancies happen at all social levels, so to break you prejudice and dellusion. We both are highly intellegent, well travelled and well educated. Im in a very well paid job that is my dream career path that I have been working on last 10 years, I live in the most beautiful and luckiest contry in this world, and that is where my child will be growing. It is just what he thought he wanted in life came up so unexpectedly and freaked him out to the extend he denies the very existence of it.

      I dont need help from someone like you. You sound very toxic and you need professional help yourself. I feel as if you have pathologically unresolved issues from how you had your children, and even though there is a portion of thruth about hardship and struggle of a songle motherhood. I am free, i want this life, and i never give up & love my life that is my ancor.

    • You sound like the one who relies on men way too much. When there is no argument about chldren growing up in full families have a better upbringing, there is no svientific evidence of kids from full families succeding in life more than kids from single parents family. You will never be in my shoes, and please learn about boundaries. Shame on you being a mother who went through personal hardship even with help of your ex coming out of this struggle broken and defeated. Yes, you do sound broken, defeated by the life circumstances, also very innapropriate bordeline creepy. I am sorry your motherhood experience haven't brought much joy by the sound of this, but dont you dare to project your negative perspective onto someone else. Please, excuse me if I have been too honest with you, but throwing comments like yours is a very nice, nor it is a supportive thing to do. Get help

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