Do you think parents should just stay together for the kids?

Do you think two people who are in an unhappy and/or unhealthy relationship should just stay together because they have children or separate because it's not a happy environment for the kids anymore. (For example, they would separate if they didn't have children)

  • Yes, parents should stay together just for the kids
    9%(13)14%(36)Vote21%(23)
  • No, parents should separate if they're unhappy
    68%(98)58%(148)Vote45%(50)
  • A married couple shouldn't separate (with or w/o kids)
    4%(6)5%(14)Vote7%(8)
  • Depends on the situation
    19%(28)23%(58)Vote27%(30)
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think if your unhappy then part ways, even in a situation like that kids are not stupid and they pick up on things so they'll know that something is wrong if you are together and unhappy. In the end the mom is still the mom and father is still dad.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No. Children are incredibly good at picking up on the general vibe of a place, and they will notice if the parents are unhappy.

    If the parents are unhappy, the kids can feel it and they blame themselves, that's what kids do. This can lead to depression, separation anxiety, GAD or similar anxiety disorders, eating disorders, and low self-esteem.

    If two people are only together because of the kids, I suggest they reevaluate their situation, and either make it work, through marriage counseling and such, or get a divorce, because it'll do less harm in the long run.

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What Guys Said 45

  • ONLY if the parents can still be civil and foster a positive environment for their children. if the relationship is going to be full of tension, conflict, arguments etc that is unhealthy.

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  • No: a CIVILIZED separation with joint custody and visitation rights is better than miserable parents fighting all the time. The problem is when the children are used as bargaining chips and one parent (usually the mother) keeps them away from the other parent.

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  • Unhappy family dynamic, means unhappy everyone around them. Unhappy environment growing up, usually means unhappiness carried forward into later life and relationships. After all, you can't act any differently, if that is your 'normal'. For example, a lot of people think it's normal to aggressively shout and scream to resolve arguments.

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  • An unhappy marriage will lead to an unhappy kid.
    The reason we have so many fuckboys and whores is because of bad parenting, and you can't be a good parent if it's a mess in your house.

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  • A divorce always affects kids negatively. It's really hard on them and causes them to act out, but how is it any better for kids to be with two parents that don't want to be with each other. They will sense that and it will make matters worse. Especially with all those bad feelings between the two of them, it could escalate things to new heights.

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  • If the parents can't live together without constant trauma, it's better if they split. When there is one parent that is emotionally healthy and one that is unstable it is definitely better for the children if the parents separate. That way the children will have some moments of calm. If the healthy parent enters a new relationship, then the children will get to see how a relationship is supposed to work.

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  • I said "Depends" - A couple with kids should sit down and discuss the pros and cons of splitting up, I would advise putting kids first but the parents' happiness is a factor in that.

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  • i think they can try and make it work, especially when the sake for the kids are involved.

    if they absolutely cannot, like they just hate each other, well fuck they're shitty parents then and also immature ass adults lol.

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  • Yes they should try for the kids sake

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  • My parents got divorced when I was six and lived about 3k miles away from each other but I still had two amazing parents and a great childhood.

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  • They should separate. You don't and it teaches the kids that its okay to stay in a bad or failed relationship

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  • No. Parents who are better humans apart make better parents when they're apart.

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  • if the parents are always fighting it would be better to separate than stay together

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  • NO!!! The kids know if you're unhappy and the relationship is unhealthy. All you're doing is showing the kids that's what relationships are like. This is the WORST "reason" to stay together.

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  • Coming from a single dad , separate !! But it does depend on the situation / severity of the conflicts.

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  • unhappy? what kind of unhappy are we talking about? he wants blowjobs and she doesn't feel like it? she expects 5 vacations a year and he can only give her 2 ? they fight sometimes and need to compromise a litte? what the fk people only in case of cheating they can divorce otherwise there is no reason.

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    • Two people are sick of each other, can't stand the others point of views, constant fighting kind of unhappy

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    • @IceCubedude I can't fathom how you think it is better for a kid to be in a very negative and dangerous environment than to be with a psrent who would be happier divorced. What if you try anything you think woukd work and after4 or 5 years it does not get better ir barely gets better. Do you stay and cintinue to put the kid at risk in a dangerous home?

    • @MysteriousDarkness Dangerous home? dude if you live in a ghetto then get your kids out the rest as far as i know live in normal neibghourhoods, no wonder america has so many divorced and single moms, if evey little issue is a good reason to divorce and get half of what the dude owns then i reall dont know.

  • No That would destroy them on the inside and the kid will suffer from that too

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  • It's really unhealthy to stay as a couple if they are unhappy. You are with a partner because they make you happy. The kids will understand if you can't work things out and that's much better then fighting and arguing all the time

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  • If the parents are unhappy, the kids will be unhappy.

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  • no. my parents did and life for me was hell on earth! its better to ha e just one parent then be around two constany arguing and bickering all the time

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  • What you mean have an open marriage where they act pleasant around the kid but fuck other people?

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    • I didn't say have an open marrige?

  • No because the kids pick up on it and it fucks with their relationships later in life.

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  • No. In german we have a saying: "Rather a scare end than an endless scare".

    It's pretty much like pulling a patch. Rather do it fastand instantly and let the pain subside than dragging it on slowly. It's inevitable anyway and parents will keep fighting and that fighting will affect the kids more than them seperating but trying to be ong ood terms for the kids.

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  • They have a responsibility towards their children, i would stay together for my children, i would make it work if it wasn't working.

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  • Parents should NOT fight when kids are within hearing distance.

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  • All thats going to happen is fights that boil over in front of the kids which is even more unhealthy.

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  • People who are voting "just separate regardless" in the majority; I wonder what percentage of them have never been married or don't have any plans of getting married.

    Its a sad result indicative of the fucked up modern society.

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    • It's not just separate regardless, it's just separate so your kids don't see your unhealthy relationship as "normal". Just separate so their kids won't be psychologically damaged from the constant fighting

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    • Every marriage around me (together for 5+ years) has work put into them but they're either loveless, don't even talk to each other anymore, or constant fighting

    • That is sad to know. And it's also sad to know you are surrounded by such people.

  • According to data and research its actually better for the children if the parents stay together then divorce unless its an extreme case. I think that once you bring a kid into the situation your happiness comes second to the childs they must take priority.

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  • Wow, I always thought women would be more willing to say that they should separate if they are unhappy.
    Sad but true I guess

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  • If they can stay together do because it is better most of the time for the kids

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What Girls Said 41

  • No, I don't believe in staying in an unhappy relationship/marriage "just for the kids." I feel that actually only does MORE harm for the children. Being in an unhappy home, listening to their parents argue, dealing with all that tension, it's not a good situation for a child to grow up in.

    In my opinion, it's much better for the kids for their parents to separate if they are truly that unhappy. Kids aren't stupid, they know when their parents aren't happy. The parents should just use that opportunity to talk to their children, explain why they are are separating/divorcing, and teach their kids the proper way to deal with conflict and unhealthy relationships.

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  • B
    Even if you keep the fights behind closed doors, that resentment puts a charge into the air and makes everything more tense and stressful. Kids DO pick up on that. If it's all they know, they will start to accept that as the normal behavior and seek it out themselves when they start dating.

    The kids can still get a healthy experience of both parents, even separated. So long as both of you work hard to make time for the kids, keep them on a decent schedule, and keep the child support paid on time, everything will work out find for them. If you ever disagree on how to raise them, consider a mediator or a counselor. If if one of you has primary custody and final say, I still suggest always keeping the other parent in the loop and well informed.

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  • It's far more traumatizing to be with parents who hate each other, fight all day and to come home to tension all the time. I can personally testify to this. It's heartbreaking to see parents together who are miserable. I'd much rather have chosen parents who are happy and in loving relationships.

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  • Absolutely not. Not only is it a horrible environment for kids to grow up in with parents fighting and resenting each other but it's such a bad example of a relationship. Would you want your kids growing up and thinking they have to settle for that misery forever?
    Not to mention, parents deserve to be happy too. A happy parent is a good one. I'm so grateful my parents separated when they did - I saw some friends parents who didn't and their whole families are disjointed and awkward

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  • my parents used to scream at each other and fight constantly. what a relief when they finally divorced.

    they are both remarried and have been with their new partners for 20+ years. it's only thanks to my mom and (step) dad that i got to see what a healthy, loving relationship looked like.

    staying together "for the kids" is just as awful in theory as in practice. growing up in that kind of toxic environment will surely damage the children.

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    • I'm glad it turned out so well for you.

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    • yeah; my mom and dad were good models for a healthy relationship that i never would have gotten if my biological parents had stayed together.

      (i call my stepdad 'dad', and have since i was 13)

      my bio father used my sister and i as pawns against my mother. he was so bent on making her miserable that he tried to destroy our family~ court papers every Christmas, making me promise (at 10/11 years old!) that i would pick him over my dad to walk me down the aisle, talking shit about my mom and dad anytime we stayed at his house... the list goes on.

      to this day, we are not close. and his influence definitely affected the way i perceived relationships, even into my adult years.

    • That is such a shame! At least you have a solid fam now like I said... so sad some parents act like your bio dad though.

  • Kids can adapt. If they do not see love, or feel love, the parents should remove themselves from being together... the children can be happier going between the parents if they are in a friendly loving atmosphere with both individually. Sometimes people stay for all the wrong reasons, like money... I believe children thrive in a loving happy environment with one or both parents!

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  • Parents should 100% separate if they're truly unhappy, they can't fake it forever and if they do I would really question what kind of a family I have. Its hard, but I think the parents even if not together should come to a civil agreement to raise their kids in a family, like still go on trips together etc.

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  • I've experienced this. My parents both stayed with each other for the sake of us (myself among my other siblings). It's not a good environment to be in (especially when your mother and father are always arguing and fighting. If it's not arguing/fighting it's them avoiding each other under the one roof).

    It's like why force yourself to be with someone you can't stand anymore? To the point where it's a lot of hatred, disgust and hostility? Why sacrifice your happiness as a parent? (In this situation) everyone deserves happiness.

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  • I think people who 'stay for the kids' do it because it's much cheaper than divorcing or dealing with other drama... So, if the kids suffer, I like the idea of 50/50 custody personally. But dramatic parents can make things terrible either way I guess.

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  • It does no favours for the kids for the parents to stay together if they are unhappy. I am not speaking from experience, but sometimes a house can be more divided when the love isn't there. It would benefit the kids more to see the parents with people that do make them happy, or that they're happy on their own, even if they don't understand when they are young. Watching an unhappy marriage will affect the image of marriage in their minds, and that will be carried with them through their lives.

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  • To me, kids aren't stupid. They know when something is wrong. I know the number one rule is to put the kids first no matter what, but they can do still do that even when separated. To me, it's not much of a life or productive household when two people are together who are bitter against each other. That resentment could likely manifest in a way the kids shouldn't see.

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  • No, because in most cases it creates long-term psychological damage to the children.

    When parents part they generally get along better than when they were together. Kids need love , security and stability. They can still get that even when parents aren't together.. providing both parents work together to get along despite their differences and animosity

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  • My parents divorced when I was 12 and I knew it was for the best. I was only sad cause my dad didn't want to and I don't want him to be alone. But I also didn't want my mom to be unhappy. She's not just a mom. She is a person. Everyone has the right to end a relationship if they don't feel happy in it. It's been 6 years and I know that my mom had a relationship before a year but I guess it ended before it was too serious. Anyway I think that it's not a big deal if the parents are nice to each other and don't through shade. It's also important that the kids see both parents at least once a week. So, they should try if there's still love and respect between them. If not it's better even for the kids. It's a good thing to walk out of an unhealthy relationship.

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  • I have grew up in such a toxic environment and a situation like this for 23 years of my life. And let me say this. Parents needs to grow up. Married couples today needs to stop being selfish and childish. It is immaturity. You get married because you want children, you want sex, you love each other [unless your doing this out of lust], and want to obligate yourself to each other for life. Unhappiness is NOT an EXCUSE for divorce. They caused their own downfall for bringing in garbage, instead of trying to fix it. If there is no cheating or abuse going on, and nobody is out to kill each other. What is the problem?

    I am appalled by the results, and this is why such people should not get married. Because they believe that they just should. Grow up. Plain in simple. Marriage is not about happiness. If you were not happy before you met them, before you got into a relationship, BEFORE you got married. You will be the same miserable soul afterwards, having children, which takes up much of the load. And you will grow to resent each other. It is not a game. Arguments are a normal and healthy part of marriage. Its when it get's violent and both parties are deliberately hurting each other is when this is not love. But mutual hatred.

    I know by experience. I grew up with it. And I realize this:

    1. You have to be mature.
    2. Be prepared to sacrifice your time, needs and wants for the sake of others.
    3. Focus on their wellbeing and happiness before you own

    Marriage was design to break the bondages of self. That means to make you unselfish. That is why you work. To eat, to provide, pay your bills or you will be homeless, for what you need and want in life. If both spouses cannot agree with things, then they need to separate. Have time for self to CHANGE. And then come back together in harmony and work it out for the sake of their children. Not divorce. Unless there is no resolution whatsoever where is it very unfixable, don't divorce unless you seriously have to. But again, that is marriage. Its tough. Its about sweat and tears, and sacrifice. If your not willing to get to hurt, to fight, and you don't have the desire and capacity for marriage. Stay single. Or else your choices will effect and hurt your children. Other than yourselves.

    Because at the end of the day. If you don't learn from your mistakes, you will continue the same accursed cycle because you refuse to learn your lesson about life, love and marriage:

    1. CHANGE
    2. DIE to SELF
    3. DISREGARD LUST!

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  • As someone who's parents are divorced and separated, I say it's ok to get divorced but the parents should make time to spend with the kid as a family - like Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. It's not good for one of the parents to completely exit the child's life.

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  • They should separate if they're unhappy.

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  • The short answer is NO.

    But going through a nasty divorce, is no better for the kids than listening to fighting parents. Been there, done that.

    So I voted D.

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  • nope, because if they are constantly fighting, or being unhealthy, that creates an unhealthy environment for the kids.
    Parents should try everything possible to fix the problems; if nothing works out it is best to get separated.

    Kids need to know the importance of love and they can't learn those if the parents themselves create such tense/unhealthy environment.

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  • It really depends. If they're just not in love anymore but they don't mind each other's company and still enjoy family activities, I think it's fine to stay together for the kids' sake, especially if they're young. If, however, the parent's can't stand each other, fight and make it obvious to the kids that something is off, it would probably be better for everyone if they split up. The kids can still see both of the parents but will be protected from witnessing all the hate and fights.

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  • Stay for kids
    1. there WAS a lust/love genesis
    2. grow up and sleep in the bed you designed/made - having kids was no surprise
    3. quitters - an opportunity to hurtle this bad habit, else repeat, repeat, causing other fallout on others

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  • No, children use their parents as role models for what relationships are supposed to be like. Do you really want to teach your children that a loveless marriage filled with fighting is a normal and healthy relationship?

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  • I think it depends on the situation. I'm going through this right now. It's a tough and personal call but if you're being abused or anything I think you should leave.

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  • def separate
    but in good terms
    the parents shouldn t project there issues on the kids and make them chose etc...
    gotta put the kids first in everything since it s your responsibility and your mistake

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  • They shouldn't be together if they're no longer happy. Before my parents got a divorce, they were constantly arguing. Things are better now that they've separated, I guess.

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  • No, just no.
    My mom and dad stayed together because of us and It would be better if they divorced. They'd be happier. I am happy the way I am but they just made each other suffer.

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  • I can't believe how many people said they should stay together. Like are you guys lacking oxygen or something? People who would stay with someone in an unhealthy relationship are immature and should never have had a child to begin with.

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  • I think they should stay together and work through their problems. I have a hard time believing that most problems or people can't be fixed. It's not easy but you just have to choose to fight for your marriage and kids. With that being said, i chose "it depends" because if there is any kind of abuse in the relationship then by every means they need to get away.

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  • My parents stayed together for an additional 6 years from when the divorce thing came up. It didn't do them any good and it hurt me to see them like that. They should have gotten a divorce because no kid wants to see their parents argue all the time.

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  • Even if they want to divorce, they need to respectful each other. While growing up, if a child sees mom vs dad fighting all the time, that hurts. Even divorced parents keep fighting over somethings still and that's really sad for a child

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  • No, it's better for the kid to grow up in a peaceful home than in a home where there is a lot of fighting going on. Kids take after their parents.

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