Is, rejecting someone, as painful as being rejected?

My friend has feelings for me but I can't see him that way. I never will and even though he knows that he still tells me every single day how awesome and perfect I am and how sad he is for not having a chance to become my boyfriend. Normally when things turn out like that, you end the friendship and continue with your life. But I can't. He is depressed I can't leave him. I can't tell him that I would never want him to be my boyfriend. I can't reject him because I know that I will completely tear apart his already broken heart. However this whole condition chokes me. Last week I met a guy, we had been talking for a while and decided to go out on a date. Of course he learnt it and came crying to me telling me how much it hurt him, asking me how I could do this to him and go out with another guy when I know his feelings about me.

I haven't hung out with another guy since then. For his sake I cut out with everyone just so he has someone to listen to his problems, to hung out with, to make him laugh. Just so he has someone to remind him that he is not as worthless as he think he is. But I can't breath anymore. This is all too much for me. I'm stuck with someone who will never be enough for me. If I end things between us he will cut off his wrists but I can't do this anymore. I'm miserable I feel like I am his captivate. Every time someone asks me to go with them I feel like his hands close tightly around my neck. With no breath you can't answer, you can't say yes. I feel like I'm wasting my life, I'm not living just existing. I'm crying every night in my sleep. I can't hung out with anyone, I can't have fun, I can't have a boyfriend, I can't live my life the way I want to. I will never be able to end things between us, how will I sleep with myself when I know that he spends his nights crying himself to sleep because of me? I have prevented him from cutting yet the one who's about to commit suicide is me. I don't know what to do anymore.

  • Reject him and destroy him
    100%(12)87%(20)Vote73%(8)
  • Sacrifice my life for his happiness
    0%(0)13%(3)Vote27%(3)
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry but you have to tell him there's no future with this drama. He has to accept it. It's your precious life. You can't just waste it like a piece of garbage. I have every right to be happy. Why being unhappy in your life with someone who don't deserve your love? Just leave him. He'll be devastated but he'll eventually heal. Don't worry. Move on...

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    • I want to, I really want to but I'm scared. He sees me as his last chance. His last hope of ever being happy. He is a whiny person and with every chance he gets, he confesses his love to me. 2 or 3 times a day, to him it doesn't matter. His monologue is pretty much the same as every day. It starts with "I feel so special that you have entered in my life" and ends with "stupid me, worthless me, unloved me, I will never find happiness, I will never have a girl like you love me" it just breaks my heart to see him like this.

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    • A great choice... she will do the best. Without doing something by yourself it'll be great to allow someone who has a training for this kind of things to deal with it. Good luck girl, you are on the right path.

      Thanks for the MHO and if you may, drop me a message when it's over, telling how did went. I really wish it will go great... :) :)

    • I'll drop you a message as soon as everything's over...:(. I hope it goes well. Promise ✌🏻️

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What Guys Said 6

  • It's worse being told they don't feel the same. All of us have been there but it is a reality. He'll be hurt but will recover. You might have to set firm boundaries telling him if he keeps persisting you won't talk to him anymore

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    • If you were in my shoes how would you feel knowing that you just made a human being the most unhappy he could ever be. How would you feel if you knew that while you where out enjoying yourself he would be praying God to take him. Worthless, stupid, unworthy of life, unworthy of happiness. That's all he would be saying to himself. If he understands what he is doing to me, he will never forgive himself. Ever.

    • Look your own happiness comes first and that isn't selfish. It's just the way it is. Don't feel guilty.

  • You have to be a little selfish and think about yourself as well. I mean, you will never be happy that way, it's better to put an end on it now. The sooner the better.

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    • Yeah I know I just don't want to hurt him. He is already broken I don't want to brake him more :(. He is depressed and I don't know what his reaction will be and how will he act. I didn't want to become his murderer

  • I've been on both sides. I can attest that they both suck. Getting rejected is worst though, and I think most would agree.

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    • I think it hurt me way more when I had to brake someone's hurt than when they broke mine. I can't take it doing the one thing that has hurts me the most to another person. It's double pain.

  • For both your happiness - You have to reject him and cut ties - Friendzone only works if everyone is a 1000000000% sure where they stand - This guy has to accept that he has NO chance and will NEVER have a chance or else friendship must end.

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    • He sees me as his last hope that's why he holds on so tight. If I reject him, I will destroy that chance for him. I will end him, literally. I don't wanna do that I don't wan to destroy a human being with my own hands. But I also can't waist my life for him. Honesty I don't know. It's either him or me. I can't just pick me, I will never forgive myself for that.

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    • Thank you for your help. You don't even know how much it means to me. I think I'll do it... but first I'll contract a therapist to advise me on how to talk to him and tell me what exactly I must say to him so it won't be as painful. I can't handle him on my own. He will also need professional help through this.

    • That sounds like a good idea

  • It's awkward and a little painful if you know them well, but it's not as painful as getting rejected yourself.

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    • For me goes the opposite. I can't stand doing to people the one thing that has hurt me the most. The pain is double.

  • Be true to yourself AND to him. I think it's actually much kinder to tell him that it's never going to happen. Otherwise you're giving him false hope and stringing him along. That's why he was so hurt by your date. The sooner you tell him, the sooner he'll get over you. And you will feel free, also.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Relax you're not dating him, if he's your friend he will not make you feel guilty for wanting to pursue other people. Tell him that you love him as a friend but he's manipulating you into losing friends with other people and potential love interests, if he threatens to do harm- call the police.

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  • Sister, if you don't have feelings for him then be honest with him and tell him how you really feel on the inside. You can't sacrifice your happiness just to make someone else happy, that will only turn you into a prisoner. I understand how you feel because I had a guy who was really obsessed with me, controlling, and sometimes rude but I learned how to speak up for myself and tell him how I felt about his actions. He has to learn that you're not the only girl in the world and that nor everyone is going to like him back. What he's doing to you is really selfish and he needs prayers and professional help. Please don't feel bad about letting him go and no it's not your fault. The worst thing you could do is go out with him out of pity which is a " No No". I would advise you to confront him about his awful behavior and be very honest, don't hold anything back. Kindly end the friendship and if he decided to harm his self or others then get the police involved in this so he can get the help that he needs. I would also advise you to pray for him and talk to any close relative about this situation. Please don't feel bad and no, it's not your fault. You deserve to live a happy and peaceful life where you are free to make good decisions for yourself. I hope this helps and feel free to ask me anything.
    -God bless you

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  • Put yourself first and reject him, if he doesn't accept that and keeps guilt tripping you then end the friendship and don't look back. If he harms himself thats his problem, you did the best you could.

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  • I've rejected one guy even beside he was nice to me but I didn't feel attracted to him and happy around him. I just asked him to be friends, he agreed but since then I saw him hurt, unhappy, it was very awkward to see him like this everyday, I felt sad and guilty. Now I feel much better, he's still unhappy. But believe me, the sooner you will reject him, the less painful it will be. Just be honest to yourself, don't stay in relationship just because you pity him.

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    • How can you live with yourself knowing that you made a human being the most unhappy he will ever be? How could you tear his heart apart with your own hands? Does this bring you happiness? While you're out there enjoying your "freedom" he stays in bed crying his eyes out, replaying all the awful words you said to him. I know at some point in your life you got rejected and I bed you hated every single moment of that. Is it okay now, that you made another person feel the same pain, the same devastation? I'm sorry I can't do it. I can't become his murderer. The only solution for me is to talk to a therapist so she can guide me. I want to make it as less painful as it can be. After me he will also have her help. He will deny her but eventually he will accept her because he needs her. He is too broken to deal with a rejection on his own.

  • Being rejected is harder.

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    • For me rejecting is harder. I don't have the heart to cause to another person the same pain I went through. I can't break his heart the way they broke mine. I can't do that. I know how hard it is, especially for someone who can't stop the sickening thoughts he has for himself. I literally don't wish that to anyone.

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