The BEST way to move on from a bad break up?

Hey Everyone,

First off thank you to everyone who answered my question at my previous posts. It really helped me a lot to understand what is going on and get back in the game.

Recently, I was researching why she broke up with me in a bad way - We are senior in high school and we attend to different boarding school. We had an awesome summer, but when we got back from school we had an argument in Skype about seeing her or not. She told me we are taking a break (and I took it literally) and when I texted her on her b-day, her best friend told me to not contact her anymore. Her friend told me how she was not ready to make a commitment, but what I wanted was my ex's confrontation.

Basically, the research gave me an idea that She "Ghosted" me. Ghosting means one person suddenly disappears and stops contacting the partner. This usually happens because he/she doesn't want to hurt partner's feelings so they just back off. Another psychological thing is they get afraid telling the break up so they just disappear like nothing happened.
Because of this terrible break up, I got a huge scar on my heart and it made not to trust anyone. So I really need everyone's help - WHAT SHOULD I DO & HOW CAN I CLEARLY MOVE ON?

Also, it will great what you guys think about ghosting - Women and men - Why do people do this?

Any question, please let me know.

Sincerely,
M


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What Girls Said 3

  • Ghosting is a terrible cruel and cowardly way to end a relationship. It shows little to no respect for the person you shared a close bond with and is far more hurtful than telling them what is going on. I never really ghosted anyone but it happened to me once and it was horrible. It really made me afraid to trust again. It also made it very difficult for me to relax/trust my ex. He made it impossible for us to have any chance for reconciliation. It made me realize I would never want to be with someone who could do that to another person. They are not worthy of your tears. They are the lowest of the low.

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    • Thank you for response MelG23,

      That is totally right.. It really hurts my feelings...
      I have additional questions to ask:
      1 - How did you move on from ghosting?
      2 - Did you have a reconciliation with your ex later? OR, did you guys just never talked since then?
      3 - I have been going to gym and trying to move on, but since I am in the single sex school, I really cannot see girls. What are the best tips you can give me? Should I just give up and wait until college?
      4 - Finally, why do think they do this? I just still cannot understand the purpose of ghosting - It is very disrespectful...

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    • 2. Strangely we were part of a group where we continued to see each other weekly for a couple of years until I left the group. We had moments when he seemed to regret his decision to leave me. He asked me to dance but as I said I became so scared of him rejecting / hurting me again that I could never relax around him. I still loved him even though he hurt me badly.

    • 3. The best thing is to move on and try to meet other people. Protect yourself and take care of yourself now. You can go to parties on the weekends right? You are young so you should go out and have fun.
      4. Yes it is disrespectful in the worst way. I equate it to cheating as it is like a betrayal. They just are being selfish and don't realize how much their behaviour hurts the other person. Often people will stonewall someone when they feel they themselves are hurt and need to protect themselves. Did you cheat on her or would she have suspected that you cheated? That could be why she left without explanation. Or did you hurt her in some way? This is often the case. It is not to be mean but to self protect. The only way you will know for sure is to ask her why and I strongly suggest you do. Tell her you need closure and want the truth. I wish I had done that.

  • I would say the best way to move on from a break up is to focus on yourself. Distract yourself from hobbies or things that you enjoy. Delete and block her number, if you are friends on Facebook, etc delete and block. Give yourself time to grieve if you need to. If you ever run into each other in public just act like he doesn't exist and don't make eye contact whatsoever. If she does try to make eye contact with you just look away. Acting like my ex didn't exist helped me move on so much. Just focus on yourself and do things that you enjoy and things that make you happy.

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  • To move on I'd say meet new people and erase all contact you have with her. As a girl, I ghost on people who I generally don't want to be with anymore and I'm a shy person so ghosting is something I do most of the time to avoid contact with that person.

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