Agreed to be friends after breakup, but didn't follow through?

I broke up with my boyfriend of three months in September. The day of the breakup, he'd been non-responsive most of the day via text as a way of passive-aggressively getting back at me for something that had happened before. We had plans of watching a movie that night. Fed up with his behavior, I drove over to his apartment and had a long talk with him. I was very composed - no accusations, just calmly explained how I was feeling (essentially, that I wasn't attracted to him and I felt like we were in two very different places in our lives), and that it wasn't going to work out.

He kept joking around, throwing out witty statements to combat some of the serious things I was bringing up. I know it's a defense mechanism of his, but it also kind of gave me hope that a friendship could still work out from the relationship if he could be so casual about the breakup. We both agreed that we could definitely still be friends - he even joked about how we could Facebook poke each other once in a while, send funny texts, etc. However, when I asked if he still wanted to see the movie right after breaking up with him (in hindsight I KNOW this was probably so heartless of me, ahh! But I genuinely was so down to be friends right away), he insisted that he'd rather go alone. We haven't talked since.

Is a friendship out of the question? Why would he agree to be friends but not follow through on the promise?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He is not ready for a friendship, that's the problem. He wanted to say the right things at the time and he tried to put a brave face on it but he's just not ready. I would guess that he's hurt and he needs time to process that. He can't get over you while you're still around, that's too much to ask.

    I think that your expectations, whilst noble and kind, were too much. You can't expect to break up with someone because you're not attracted to them and then have them be immediately fine with that. Unless, of course, they felt the same way too. My guess is that he didn't feel the same and he has taken quite a knock to his self esteem.

    Allow him the space to get past this, then maybe one day friendship will be possible.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Just went through it myself. She wanted to be friends. I thought I could. I couldn't.

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  • You are retarded

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