What to do if unhappy?

I'm a 24 year old male been married for almost 5 years. love my wife and she loves me. but she feels old and stuck and won't forget about my issues of flirting with girls on apps early in the marriage. meanwhile she has full on cheated 3 times. I don't want to leave because we have a son and invested money and time in this but she doesn't seem to be putting in the same effort to fix this as I am and I'm feeling drained... thoughts and help?


0|0
7|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think counselling together is going to give you the best outcome. Both of you have had issues with fidelity and trust and you were married very young.
    If you want your marriage to work then you both need to be able to put those things behind and come up with a new plan. Put effort into dating each other and making them feel special and loved. Take an hour each day where you just focus on your spouse with no interruptions and be together, remind the other why you married them.

    Personally the cheating for me is a deal breaker but if each of you want to work it out then you need to be able to put it behind you

    0|0
    0|0
    • it is a deal breaker but I'm stupid and want my son to have both parents living together unlike what I had growing up

    • Show All
    • it's what I want to do but I'm afraid to... mainly because what if it is a mistake I've talked to many divorced people who regretted giving up but then again I've met many who love their choice.

    • Or give it one more go, 100% effort on your part and tell her this is it. What she chooses to do with that information will help you make your decision.
      It's a tough one, but you need to be happy too Hun

Sponsored

Have an opinion?

0/2500

Send It!

What Girls Said 6

  • Do you just love her or are you in love with her? I understand that you have a child and money has been invested. But you're not happy... are you going to continue to stay in happy for the sake of the child? The part I don't get is that she won't let go of some flirting that you gave up, yet she cheated 3 times. That goes way beyond flirting on an app. If you love her enough to try to fix things, I suggest seeing a marriage/couples counselor. I personally would have been done after she Cheated the first time and it happened those 2 other times because you forgave her. If you want to work things out... dont forgive anymore. She's the one in the wrong trying to pull the victim card.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think it has a lot to do with stress she lost her mom to a complications of drugs and sickness and is now responsible for her teenage sister so I kinda feel in a way she is seeking a place to store all the negative feelings which is me.

    • Show All
    • yeah ill do more thinking but thank you I just wanted to talk to someone and you helped

    • You're welcome. Feel free to PM if need be. Either way... I hope things work out for you.

  • Well, to me the marriage seems dead. Usually you're at the mark where a lot of younger marriages end - five years. You can try counseling, but if she doesn't put in the effort then the marriage is never going to be fixed or at least in livable conditions. If she has also cheated on you THREE times, you're just selling yourself short. And she has OBVIOUSLY given up on the marriage. She did the moment she went along and cheated. Yes, a child in a relationship can make you want to stay in an unhappy situation, but is this what you want for the rest of your life? And also think about your child, he will see how you interact with his mother and how she interacts with you. Everyone deserves someone who makes them happy.

    0|0
    0|0
    • yes not what I want to hear but makes sense and honestly you are right

    • Some times the truth is hard to swallow. I just hope everything works out for you.

  • She's probably emotionally done with you. Seek emergency marriage counseling asap. Seriously, no effort is not a good sign.

    0|0
    0|0
    • hmm i understand but kinda take it back she puts effort in but only when it's convenient for her I feel like other things are more important than us

  • Have you gone to couples counseling? Or considered it?
    But cheating would be an instant deal breaker for me.

    0|0
    0|0
    • yeah we tried counseling and it worked for a while but recently I don't feel connected with her and she keeps telling me she isn't sure about a future and that sometimes she want me to serve her papers because she is too scared to do it herself

  • I'm going through something similar but we're ten years older. We have a child almost two and I think we're both done. I've tried for years to fix this and our problems existed long before the baby. Unfortunately like your wife, my husband only makes very minimal effort and he actually seems to sabatoge my efforts. It's not going to change.

    0|0
    0|0
    • my biggest fear is not being alone or something because I can always find someone else it's mainly I feel im going to have that thought in the back of my head saying more could have been done to work on this but at the same time I don't want to waste time fighting a losing battle

  • find something that makes u happy

    0|0
    0|0
    • I sometimes just want to see what's out there and see if someone else can make me happy but I don't want to make the same mistake as her..

    • hopw u will

What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!

Loading...