Don't know what to do about my ex. Do I chase him or leave him alone?

My and my ex were together for 14 years. I didn't have any boyfriends before that (well, I had 1 but I didn't fall for him). Anyway, 3 weeks ago he stayed out all night (he owns a pub and said he fell asleep) and I flipped on him. In the heat of the moment, I kicked him out of our home. I also insisted on him getting his belongings 2 days later. he's since apologised to me and asked me how I'm doing but I've not let the conversation get personal and kept it about our 2 children. Over time, I have realised I did react too quickly and should've discussed it with him or at least had it out with him at home. Anyway, he's stopped contacting me unless its about the children. He came for Christmas dinner but didn't stay too long. As he was going, he gave me a cuddle and a kiss on the cheek and thanked me for letting him come. I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink sometime and he said he did and he would be in touch but I've heard nothing since. Another bit to add to the story is that his mum came to dinner too and acted distant. Anyway, I found out yesterday, his mum has been stirring it between us, telling him to leave and encouraging me to kick him out whenever he didn't act as I wanted him to. I told someone about her telling me to boot him out and it got back to her and she has pretended to people that she's had a go at me and I've backed down, saying I hadn't said anything. She hasn't confronted me at all but I'm waiting until later to sort that out. He left with his mum so she might gave twisted the knife a bit more (as far as I knew, me and his mum were close friends). Anyway, I would just like to know how I should play it now. Do I leave the ball in his court and let him be the one to get in touch or should I ask him about going for a drink again? I haven't yet apologised to him for my part in our break up, would it be a good idea to? I haven't been the needy, clingy ex and have only contacted him when it came to the kids but I do want to give it another go


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What Guys Said 2

  • Leave him

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    • Reasons?

    • Show All
    • I will give you a little bit of insight into some of what went wrong. We have 2 children with special needs, they don't sleep which can put pressure on. My close friend died of cancer, my other friend I had to support through her marriage break down, he had to support his friends through the loss of a full term baby. He has his own business and is working 60-80 hours a week as he also has a full time job. The money he earns (because he can't take out of the business just yet as it's quite new) wasn't enough to cover our bills let alone luxuries and the big one was this; One of his close family members was sent to prison for historic sex offences. The person wasn't close to my ex at the time it's supposed to have happened but did become close later on in life. I was sexually abused as a youngster and he found it hard to come to me so please dont successful couples don't break up. A lot has happened this year and I couldnt support him, I wasn't strong enough then the cracks appeared

    • I stand by what I said

  • leave him alone.. guys move on.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Were there any other reasons you told him to leave or was it only because he didn't come home that one night? Were things good otherwise?
    I would contact him. The longer you leave it the more this new single life will become the normal and it will be harder to shift back, but be prepared that he may not want to come back. I would have confronted the mother a lot earlier about this than letting it play out, it could be malicious but it could also be her seeing something that you don't and thinking your relationship isn't a healthy one and she's trying to help her son. Either way, it's between you two and it should be sorted for the sake of your children before this gets too far

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    • What his mum did was malicious. She's telling me she's saying one thing and telling him another. He lived with her most of his life and she felt I took him from her. I would've confronted it sooner but I didn't know the full story until yesterday.
      I told him to leave because I was in self destruct mode. I had some problems going on with my sister and my mum and disowned them both, then he stayed out and at that point, I just felt those closest to me didn't care so I lost it with the person closest to me. Would a good way to contact him be to apologise?

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