I got really close to one of my guy friends who was my best friend. We started talking and acting like a couple. We had sex and he ended getting with some girl from another town the same night (said on her Facebook). He blocked me on social media and I found out through my ex. He said he wanted to tell me, not someone else or through social media. He said he didn't want to hurt me. We met up one day and talked everything out. Well I let him do most of the talking. I could hardly find any words to say, or questions to ask. I asked what she had that I didn't, why he got with her that night, why he ignored me. Why did he pick her, who hasn't said a word to him in 2 years but suspiciously texts him when she heard he left his moms for good? I never left his side, even when he said too. I never left, I always supported him. I got so attached and trusted him so much to the point I trusted him enough to have sex with him which he knows is a big step for me. He said she didn't have anything I didn't. If anything I was better. But he was scared bc he thinks I have so much going for me in the future, and he doesn't. I don't believe that. He said I made such an impact on his life I could do the same for others. He said I did more for him than any other girl had. But why not me? We know each other so well. One look at me and he knew I was so depressed by all this, I hadn't been eating or sleeping much in weeks. How can I when I can't stop thinking of him and why I wasn't good enough? He said I need to stop blaming myself and putting others first. That's who I am. Others come first. What's wrong with me? What can she give that I can't or haven't given him already? I put him before so many, gave up so much for him. He hasn't spoken to me since that day. I've seen pictures of them and my stomach sinks, I wanna cry and give up. I feel numb and unfixable. He said he never wanted to hurt me bc it's happened to him and he said he wouldn't do it to others but he did. What's he thinking?
How can I move past this? Why can't I move on? I feel like something holding me back?
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