Its over. Yet I can't stop thinking about my ex and fear I'll never do better?

My ex was the love of my life I absolutely adored her in every way and was so attracted to her. About six months ago she dumped me very unexpectedly, in hindsight I should have realised I wasn't making as much effort as I should have been.

Since the breakup twice she has come back and led me under the impression she wanted to try again with tears, gifts, I love you, sleeping together etc. and both times in the space of a few weeks she's walked away again. This time she won't even talk to me any more as she feels we both need to move on.

I can't get over it, I've tried everything - got in good shape, got a new job, moved into a new apartment but nothing helps and I genuinely dont think i'll ever get someone as good again.

All of the dating apps and dates i've been on simply dont compare to her and its driving me crazy. Any advice out there is appreciated. She was the one for me and I'm gutted she's gone.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Does she know she was your one? I've often found that when the one is found, something comes along, tests it, breaks it, only to be found again.

    In the meantime, I suggest you go with whatever you are feeling. No one can tell you what to do to come to terms with this grief, because it is grief what you are going through. You will need to deal with each stage as it happens - she came back each time she went through a new stage - and deal with it as best you can. As for the hoping/wishing/wanting something better to come along, don't bother. Put one foot in front of the other and get on with living life. That may be just hanging with friends at weekends, staying in your PJs all weekend, eating alone at a diner, etc. Just do yourself and just do your life and then the next stage begins.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First you really have to get over her and that can take time, but the time isn't necessarily the thing doing the healing. It's filling up the empty void in the heart with something else you love.

    It could be an old passion you had that you resurrected or a new one (a hobby, for example). At some point you can wake up being so excited to follow this passion that you don't even think of her once that day, and that's when you're getting better.

    >> All of the dating apps and dates i've been on simply dont compare to her and its driving me crazy.

    Dating apps suck as far as I can tell. I never did the online dating thing but I might as well go to a night club if I want such a superficial way of meeting people to date.

    I think your best bet to find someone who can eventually replace the love you had for her is going to boil down to networking, making as many friends and acquaintances as you can, and eventually falling for someone within that social group.

    Right now she seems like "the one and only" to you because you built all your hopes and dreams around her unique image. You can do that again with someone else, but first you have to move on.

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    • amazing response, thank you very much

    • Show All
    • Inspirational story thank you. Did you ever hear from the ex fiance?

    • I managed to run into her one day long after (around 3 years later). I was afraid if I ever ran into her again, I'd be swarmed with feelings again. That one day, it didn't happen. i saw her as friendly, but I was already in the middle of falling for another girl who would eventually become my wife. It surprised me because there was always some doubt in my mind that I will never 100% get over her.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If you tried your fullest already and she decides she doesn't want to be with you, that's her deal. I know it's difficult to forget the memories but attempt to improve yourself as a person and take time to heal before playing the field again.

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What Guys Said 1

  • The thought that you will never do better will always be a lingering fear. But you can look at it two ways. Either she was perfect in your eyes or maybe you put her on a pedestal. This girl obviously did not value the relationship the way you did or else you would still be together. Coming back is nothing more than false hope on her part.

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