I found out my mom is cheating and I can't seem to figure out what to do next?

Background information:
I'm 19, my brother's 17 and my parents are in their forties having been married for 20-some years.
My brother recently started college and is still living at home with the parents, whereas I moved out half a year ago.
My dad may not be the most structured man around but he is the most warm-hearted, joyful, hard-working, unselfish man I've ever met.
My mom's a long-legged ticking bomb. One minute she's kind and loving and the next, she's smacking doors and cursing her life including everyone around her. She went into therapy and things got a bit better for a while, but there were always fallbacks.

My dad wanted my mom to come visit me in the city, hoping she'd let go of her worries. As we were driving around, I was giving directions from her phone. Suddenly, a message popped up. It was from a stranger who turned out to be her old psychologist, and the language was very personal. I thought it was just and old friend but as I scrolled a bit further, I realised what kind of a friend he is to her - and has been for some years on/off. I know it's wrong to snoop around but it popped up while I was holding the phone and I felt I'd be a fool to ignore it only to speculate ever since. I kept up appearances for four days straight till my mom finally headed home, fearing I'd regret confronting her while my feelings were all mashed up.

My parents have never been good at communicating truthfully; not to each other, nor to me or my brother. My brother has always had a fear of change and even the thought of moving makes him cry for hours. I can't seem to visualize how he would be able cope with the pressure of the study, our grandparents being sick and now also an eventual divorce, and I feel terribly sorry that he has to face these challenges at this point of his life. However, I know he must be stronger than my perception. My dad deserves to know asap. The most rightful thing may be to confront my mother, but all trust is broken. What would you do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your mother is the one doing something wrong here. Not you. NEVER let go of that factual detail. Confront her about it, and tell her that telling your dad about it is the best thing... and if she won't, then you will, because he deserves to know. If he's gonna learn eventually, it's best coming from her.

    I know it's a bad situation, but it's NOT YOUR FAULT (this is key fact here). By doing nothing, it is viewed as implicit acceptance of it. You weren't the one doing the cheating, and if this will break the family up, the blame then falls solely on your mother's shoulders.

    Grit your teeth, clench your fists, close your eyes, let out a whine that says "ugh... this is gonna suuuuuuuuck!" and start the wheels in motion.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Long term relationships go through many seasons, sometimes the third party involvement is actually the only thing keeping your marriage going. It's a shitty situation for you to be in, but if it were me I'd stay away from it.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • I know it's hard and it sucks but confront your mom and tell her to tell your dad. He deserves to know.

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  • i feel your pain. similar thing happened in my life recently. It most be hard on you seeing ur 19 my advice would be to talk/confront your mum ask her all the questions u need now.

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  • At first get a DNA test. I've seen it very often. You and your brother may turn out not br your father's children but children of that psychologist, or even someone else. Trust me, it's more than a possibility.

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  • Talk to her about it is what I would do.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Talk to my mom first, women to women

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