Been dumped after 3 years, help?

I'm 26 and he's 24.
Me and my SO have been together just over 3 years with no problems; various holidays together and nights out, his friends and family love me and likewise.
I asked him little over 2 weeks ago if he could see himself living with me, and he said he's not sure whether its something he wants (which I understand he's never lived away from home). I said fair enough thanks for being honest. Following this we had an amazing weekend where he took me out and bought me little things and it was lovely. After spending the day at his, on my way home he said he is unhappy and thinks its about us. He went on to say he doesn't think that he feels the same anymore and that some of my behaviour felt like he was being punished, and that even if we could make it work we would be divided on our futures. (We've only had one conversation about the future and we wanted the same things)
I said that he can't make that assumption without having spoken to me about it.
We didn't speak for a week, but then I was reminded of something and messaged him. We had a little chat (not about the breakup) but he was interested with what was happening with me and was happy that i managed to get an interview for a promotion at work, wanting me to message him when i knew if i'd got it. We were far from perfect couple but it was easy loving each other.

I just feel confused. That my world ended within an instant. All we've done for 3 years is support and love each other and its all crashed down with no warning.

I honestly feel like there's enough between us to make it work, but I don't want to ask and end up heartbroken again.

I've never needed him or him me. All that ever mattered was that we wanted each other. Please help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel like his decision came right out of the blue to you , I can't decide if he knew for a while and didn't tell you or whether he just realised that he doesn't feel the same when you asked him. Either way though Hun this is hard to read. I believe that he has perhaps known for a while and was trying to work though it , if that's the car there is no point in pulling at him. This really sucks for , we know because most of us have been through it, I know I have. Best advice , leave him be and ready-focus yourself on you. Use the job and friends / family as a distraction and in time get bs k out there but you cannot take any of this a negative. It wasn't right and better finding out now. Good luck x

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Look if you really want it to work then try but expect for your heart to be broken. Also honestly it sounds like he needs you more than you need him, your both very young.. he's never left his moms house... from my experience thats not the best person to spend your life with.

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What Guys Said 4

  • It sounds like you just need some closure. Meet with him in person and have him talk to you about why? Don't accuse him of anything or put him in the defensive.

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  • Sad tale of breakup. There is nothing you can though. It takes two to make a relationship and for whatever reason he doesn't want to make that next step with you. I don't know what he is afraid of, but it's his loss.

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    • Is there nothing you can suggest that may help? The only thing I want in my future is to be comfortable the rest is just stuff. I know he feels that way too, I don't understand why he suddenly thinks I've had a change of heart.

    • One of the worst thing in relationship to do is make "assumptions" especially when you can go up the person and ask straight out. I just think he isn't ready to make that next step of moving in with you and forwarding things. He seems a bit childish and is troubling that in 3 years only one about your futures came up.

    • the future was just never in question. I don't know whether to meet him or not.

  • Your world didn't end at all, you're still right there. The world is still here too. Break ups can cause a lot of pain, and unfortunately there is only one sure fire cure for yours and its something that nobody can just give you.. The only thing is time. You wouldn't want to be happy in a relationship with somebody that wasn't happy in it, would you? Perhaps he needs only a momentary break, but try not to hold your breath about anything. People are fickle, one minute they say one thing, the next they are doing the opposite.

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  • its hopeless

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    • I'm asking for help. Why comment if your just going to be rude?

    • not rude but realistic learn the difference
      or do u want some false hope
      he doesn't want the same as u
      are u going to force him

What Girls Said 2

  • This REALLY sucks. It's completely reasonable that you feel like your world is ending, but try to remember that this is not the case. You're doing well at work, so maybe focus on that and give yourself a break from worrying about him. Don't keep trying. It will only prolong your heartbreak. Good luck!

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  • Ask him to meet you. Have an open and honest conversation. Tell him everything you're feeling.

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    • Even after 2 weeks of being broken up? He said he's felt this way for a while but I find it so hard to believe that he could fake this much emotion.

    • maybe talk withh him and find out why he's feeling that way

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