Before we married I had a career he asked me to quit to start a family I never saw myself as the house wife type but anything to make him happy right? I cook, clean, handle the books, organize his files and at times when asked create his presentations but to him I do nothing.
He wakes up angryvgoes to sleep angry he will bang & break things curse at me and get angry if he feels I'm speaking to him as a child because this is his house he pays everything, but this house was left to us by family and furnished by me & my parents not that it matters I wouldn't remind him of it
At times he forgets to pay bills & keep appointments I tired of being yelled at for reminding so kept quiet he spent all the money we had no food fell behind on bills I had to borrow from my father which he also became angry about.
He thinks I discuss him to people in my personal life not realizing I'm too embarrassed his friends only know because there was an incident before a party he bruised my eye while his friend sat and watched he felt bad became a puppy again and convinced me to put on make up and go because it was for work.
I find myself wishing he would have an deadly accident I would get nothing out of it I have life insurance but he refuses to get some of his own because he wouldn't want me "living well with another man" if he died I don't have desires to be with another man I just think if he died I would only remember the good & be free of him.
I ask to see counselors he refuses I drew up divorce papers & I never saw him so hurt, I mentioned it again today because I love him but this is wrong & he was angry accused me of only wanting him for his money, I reminded him I made more than him when I worked & come from money he does not and he reminded me I had been out of work so long its irrelevant and people would talk.
We have these arguments frequently I think he notices when I work up the nerve to leave because then he is sweet I love him but I'm so miserable is that possible?
- It's possibleVote A
- ImpossibleVote B
- CommentsVote C
Most Helpful Guy
You love them but are not in love with them. You are stuck in a rut you've been in so long you've forgotten what it feels like to be out of it.
You wish he'd have an accident just to be free of these doldrums! This is not good. He's hurt you want a divorce but won't actually try to help this lifeless marriage? You need to get out.
PM me and I can direct you to a forum where you can seek advice from other married and divorced couples who've been in this situation before.3
Most Helpful Girl
"I cook, clean, handle the books, organize his files and at times when asked create his presentations but to him I do nothing." This is love. This what marriage is as part of your duty as a wife. However. He as a husband should equally desire to do the same thing. You are getting abused, but the problem is you continue to give in to your emotions instead of standing up for yourself! In truth. You don't need to divorce him. Not just yet. You just need to change your perception of the situation, him and yourself. You need to separate from him first and you need to get your family in the middle of this because:
#1: He had no right to lay a finger on you! This is something you need to take pictures of and keep with you.
#2: He refuses to get help, but yet accuse you of only wanting his money? Please do yourself a favor and stay with your parents. Call them up and get out of that house.
#3: While you're away, you need to ask how did this happen and what can you do to get yourself in a better situation. You need to get all of this as proof, because this is somebody who's behaving like a devil. He is manipulating you and you have to get your head straight before you even think about heading towards divorce.
I know by experience. This is not something you need in your life. It's wrong. He know's it's wrong. But only he can get help. You can't help him. You can only help yourself now. But I will tell you right now, divorce is brutal and taxing. Everybody will essentially tell you to get a divorce. But divorce is not so simple and easy. It costs a LOT of money to the point you will go broke. It can take as long as 3 years depending on your income, assets, equity of the home if you have real estate, stocks, etc. And it will go by on a case by case basis. Think about this really hard. But you definitely cannot live with him anymore under these circumstances. He sounds very dangerous. But do take the necessary steps to try to get through to him. But you need to be very stern and not emotional. But your family needs to know what is going on.
Lastly. You need to correct him. It's 'OUR house' not 'your house'. He's married to you and you're married to him. There is no separatism here. Also if you two haven't been having sex for a long time, then technically you are divorced from him. Just not legally.2