I'm not happy in my relationship anymore, but everytime I try to end it I can't. Please any advice?

I've only been with my boyfriend for 9 months but he suffers from depression and insecurity. For the past couple of months we just seem to keep arguing all the time. I can only see him once a week because of work etc which he says is fine, but then he shouts at me for only seeing him that much and says it's not normal. And everyone he's spoken to says I'm "not normal". When I'm out st can't reply to him, I'll have about 3 messages and 3 missed calls so I start stressing. When I call him out on it he always apologises and says he doesn't know why he acts the way he does. This just goes round in circles all the time. He says he just wants to make things better between us. But then a week later he rings me and asks what's going on again because I've not been replying to him. I've explained I can't have my phone glued to me (I've never gone a day not replying to him just to clarify). He doesn't really have any friends, he lives in his own, his dad left him when he was 5 and his mum is critically ill in intensive care with possible permanent brain damage... so I almost feel like I can't leave him because he will have nobody. He's always saying I'm the only good thing his life and I'm the only thing worth getting up for. But I'm not happy I just feel constantly stressed in the relationship, but I feel trapped because of his situation with his mum etc :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are letting yourself succumb to your own emotional blackmail. You are not responsible for any problems he has. He can seek professional help to sort them out. I know you feel obliged to stay with him and help sort his problems out, but in the end, it is very likely that he will drag you down, too. There is also a chance that his insecurities could lead to abuse if you don't meet his expectations.

    You cannot live your life to satisfy the needs of someone else when your own needs go unfulfilled.

    It will hurt, and cause upset, but don't stay in this relationship like some abused ladies do.

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    • Shame I'm blocked by one of the ladies that gave an opinion. I was going to upvote it...

    • Thanks for MHG!

      I see @Sadly_It_Fell_Off is still blocking me. Great shame...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I can see why you don't want to break up with him. That's because he doesn't have anyone else except you. You can leave the relationship. You can always be there as a shoulder to lean on for him.

    You also need to take into account what you want and don't want in your life. Right now I feel like you know what you don't want but you can't seem to break free from it because you're in to deep. I don't think there is anything wrong with that though.

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What Guys Said 6

  • From a relationship coaching lens, a couple things:

    1) Don't stay with someone because you feel sorry for them. It's leading them on and the longer you stay the longer you're delaying their ability to move forward. Today, he probably feels like y'all are moving forward, you know better.

    2) Your happiness matters as much as his BUT you're focused more on his. The longer you stay, the more miserable you become, the shorter your patience and temper get, the VERY LIKEKY chance you two have a big blow up.

    Sincerely.

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  • His situation with his parents are not the reasons why he treats you like that. It's not like if this situation was different he would be different. It's just not the case and you can't blame yourself or hold onto something because of that false narrative. He is in a bad spot but guess what so are you. You only have 1 shot in this life.. make the most of it HAPPY. His issues are not yours and should never be now or in the future with any man.

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  • Ending a sexual relationship because you are not happy is wrong. Its selfish. Now if you have a good reason to end a sexual relationship, then thats different. Maybe you'd be happier if you quit your job or get a job that would make you feel less stressed. But if you wouldn't quit your job to make it work evidently you don't love him. Someone who loves someone else would give up almost anything for them.

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  • Sorry, but you have to break the cycle and end this. This is going nowhere. You've already realized it.

    You're not responsible for his well-being or his happiness. You don't have to be a jerk, just end it.

    Good luck! ;)

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  • What made you two hook up?

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  • He is guilt tripping you

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What Girls Said 5

  • Trying not to hurt someone will only hurt you more in the end.
    Don't pity him as he doesn't need it but what he does need from you is knowing that there is somebody there for him and this is the reason you feel torn about leaving him.
    However, you have the right to a good life too and you need to weigh up the pros and cons of what you get out of dating him.
    I noticed you didn't mention that you love him.

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  • Awww! My last relationship was like that. Mine was jealous and always thought i was sleeping around. One day he came at midnite n checked my closet and the kids room if I was hiding a guy. Anyway turned out he was the one cheating.
    Its time to breakup if you're not happy anymore... Or if you still have feelings for him tell him he needs help. Dont stay if you only feel sorry or feel bad for him. If u hav no love for him you have to let him go.

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  • Well you got yourself in the relationship because you loved him right? Don't be selfish and stubborn and leave him because his mom is ill and you seem insecure about everything

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  • Nut up buttercup and end it. You're in your 20s. Even teenagers can end relationships.

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  • Oh girl. This is a tough situation. He is not just insecure- he is clingy because you are all his world. Since you are unhappy, you have to end it. I know it's hard because of his psychological situation (you don't want to make him feel worse), but this should not be a reason to stay. You deserve to be in a relationship where you are relaxed and happy.
    Never postpone fixing things in a relationship, or in this case just ending it. You are going to be under immense stress if you force yourself to stay out of compassion.

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