I think my fiancé is embarrassed by our age difference. What do you guys think?

My fiancé is 46 years old and I'm 21, we've been together for over a year. I've noticed even more since we moved in together that he doesn't like going out to public places with me. If anyone makes a slight comment about our age difference, he'll be upset the rest of the day. One time we were at a park and he told me that I shouldn't be so affectionate in public. I tried talking to him about it, but he says everything is fine. As of lately he seems to be more jealous. I take care of myself and look pretty for him, but just a few weeks ago he told me that I don't need to go to the gym anymore. Maybe he doesn't want me anymore and he'd rather be with someone closer to his age. The more I try the more upset he seems. When it's my turn to cook, I make his favorites. I also bought some lingerie to surprise and we had a great night, but when I suggested to go out the next day he accused me of not wanting to be alone with him. I really need some advice on how to make this better. The wedding is in 3 months and I'm having doubts. How can I save my relationship or should I give up?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not on you to save it. He has insecurity issues and he need to think about what he really wants. I think him asking you to get married while he has these issues is a big mistake and a red flag. You need to tell him what you want in the relationship and he needs to tell you what he wants. See if you can compromise on the major issues or what are deal breakers. If not you might need to postpone or possibly call off the engagement.

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    • How do you think I can get him to talk? He usually changes the subject very passively or kiss me and get me distracted. When he is unable to distract and I confront he'll just tell me he doesn't want to fight and drops the subject.

    • Your going to need to "fight" and not get distracted because this is important and you need to stress that it is because answers given greatly impacts if you want to be with him or not.

Most Helpful Girl

  • maybe he's just insecure about it bc he feels that you'd rather have someone your own age.. i'm not really sure how to help but make sure not to be super pushy about it cause he might be sensitive. idkkk if i helped but i hope things work out

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    • Some of the guys said the same thing but as a girl, what would you do to help him with his insecurities. I told the guys that I make it obvious that I'm attracted to him and try to show him I love him. You think there is something else I should do?

    • i think you should definitely confront him about it but also assure him that you have no doubts about your age difference, bc age doesn't define who he is or why you love him.

What Guys Said 14

  • I don't think he wants to save this relationship.. he instead wants you to be his fuck girl.. and get lost girl! Why has he moved in with u in the first place doesn't makes any sense to me..

    46-21.. the difference is 25 long years.. when u r 45 he will b 70!! Think bout it babe.. you don't just need to be crazy in love... but hv to think about practical implications as well.. try n understand m not accusing you but this doesn't seem right atm.. Three months.. still a chance is there.. talk to him what he wants really.. you can marry him but then you won't be happy at all.. think again..

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    • We do have happy moments and he has introduced me to his family and friends, but it's just that he's embarrassed of being judged by the people that see us when we go out. Maybe he's too self conscious, do you think that's a sign that he doesn't love me anymore?

    • Its a sign that he doesn't want to see u anymore.. he ain't ok with this.. so i guess.. u hv to break up

    • Thank you for you're advice.

  • all sounds like he's having some insecurities as far as the age obviously. Because maybe he feels like he's holding you back because you are so young. or maybe he's just worried that you're going to find somebody your own age and run off with that person because you may have more time with them rather than him because of his age. He's just insecure and that's the only thing that can really get from what you said here. there's not a lot of ways to make him feel secure all the way you've been doing and I imagine that he doesn't why you going to the gym because you might meet somebody there or maybe he doesn't like going out alone with you because he feels insecure about the age difference. pretty sure it's both at this point but same time I would try to talk more about the thoughts that you're having.

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    • damn similar answer, by the way any ideas on how to get the Xper thing up?

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    • @Ibrahiem thanks I'll see if he's willing to reach out to someone

    • Np and GL. 😊

  • look at it from his perspective, he is 46 , out of his prime, he feels insecure because he may think that you will leave him for someone your own age. he from what you have said is embarrassed about his own age and hasn't come to terms with his age. he feels his age to be a burden. He must also feel like everyone is watching him like "oh look at this old man with that young girl , she must have been in diapers when he was young" kind of thing. it's complicated. And some times that complication isn't worth it for both sides. I'm not sure how to fix the situation as I don't know you and him but if you guys truly in love then you will get through it. it could also be that he maybe in over his head. maybe the thought of marriage is scary to him because of a past experience? marriage should never be rushed if things don't feel right it's always okay to move the date back a couple more months even a year just so the dust settles and neither of you feel like your being choked.

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    • Thanks I think I'll talk to him about maybe postponing the date. Hopefully it's just that and he won't get upset.

    • I wish you all the best Ms. Kasey.

  • maybe he's just one of those types who later in their life hate going out so much and breaking their routines. what im saying is go get some gal pals and have a night out or something, if he gets angry at that well thats a whole other ballpark... definitely gotta clear up your worries with him though, never be afraid to get an answer! cause communication with your lover is important.

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  • 1-He's afraid of being cheated on.
    2-He's afraid of how people will perceive you two.
    3-He's afraid of not being enough.

    At least 2 of the 3 are correct in my opinion.

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    • Is there something I could do to help him with to fix my relationship? I'm open to suggestions

    • @KaseyRouqe I'd be straight up honest. Ask if he's embarassed of you. He'll want to take care of you and that should create a moment of empathy. But dont be aggressive, be kind and a bit sad. Use that moment to ask if he's afraid of anything, tell him you love him and that you wanna solve whatever is happening.

      I think it's gonna be tough to get him to talk and be open, specially because of fear of rejection, but Im confident this is the right direction.

  • That's a really big age difference...

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    • I know, but is it really that big of a deal? Do you think it's ok that he feels embarrassed?

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    • So do you really think he's embarrassed by me? Isn't wrong that he is and I'm not.

    • He probably is a little embarrassed. In our culture it's a little pedo.

  • He feels insecure
    Maybe because he feels he will lose him

    Try to make him comfortable and all the best for your life ahead

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    • How can I do that? I try to show him that I love him. I've stopped being so affectionate in public (he doesn't mind when we're alone or with friends and family). I also try not to pry but sometimes it's frustrating that he makes me feel unwanted when we go out.

    • Tell him what u feel in every way you can

      If he still doesn't understand then tell him that if I can fight the society for u then why u cannot just support me

      If this goes on happening the best for you is to think once more of your decision of marrying him

      Its ur life, if you care for him but u don't get it back

      You should think once more about your decision

  • Ugh, yeah sorry that's way too much for me lol

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  • Good luck?

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  • People will automatically assume he's "an old pervert" People judge and jump to conclusions with age differences like that. A lot will assume you're after his money to.

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    • Do you think it'll be better to break things off?

    • You simply asking this question here is a big sign that the relationship is in serious trouble.

    • @KaseyRouqe Go with how you feel and what you think. Don't let others rule your life. If you're happy, don't worry about what others think. As far as he goes, sit down and have a talk with him about it. Why he acts the way he does etc.

  • I wouldn't want to be seen with a woman who could be my daughter, except at Starbucks or similar.

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    • So you think he feels that way?

    • No idea, I can only speak about how I'd feel myself.

  • confessionsofakrobogirl.files.wordpress.com/.../img_3192.gif

    When you are digging gold why worry about the morals

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    • Yup that's the type of comments that bother him. I don't know why some people are like you; so judgmental without knowing the circumstances. I graduated college at 20 and work full time. I have no debt and split bills with my fiancé since we moved in together. If I wanted a sugar daddy, I wouldn't worry about my relationship I'd just marry him as soon as possible.

    • Actually I intentionally went anonymously and posted that opinion, and was expecting you to get pissed then started by placing my actual opinion with solution bringing things to conclusions,..
      😂😂😂 but your response totally fucked up my opinion.
      Well you didn't get pissed which means you are not gold digger.

      Cure - honestly you cannot change the way the world thinks, however you can change the way people in your circle think, you need to be an alpha lady, own and run things. Socially don't always let him lead, so people will know you are capable,
      Open business loops which you run which proves to society that you don't actually need him, you want him.

      Objective : Prove to society ' You don't need him, but your want him'.

  • How old does he look?

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    • Late 30s or early 40s people can tell there is an age gap. But I don't see why it bothers him so much.

    • Everyone cares what other people think to some extent. Maybe he is the type to care too much. However, with such an age gap, you will be at different places in life. Also, if he ever needed advice or serious emotional support, how would that work? I'm basing this on how most of the girls your age are that I know but there are always exceptions.

      If you want to better understand, just reverse the situation. Imagine you were his age and he was your age.

    • I definitely understand that we both have to support each other. But maybe he thinks that we're too unequal. Maybe we are and I'm too oblivious about it. Thanks for your input.

  • I would actually like it. I am 36 and I would very much like to have an 18 year old girlfriend that is still in high school.
    I like that it bothers some people and I would enjoy rubbing it in their faces.

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    • I don't want my relationship rubbed on people's faces, I just wan him to want me as much as I do him whether in public or private.

What Girls Said 5

  • He's an insecure douchebag. He should be doing everything he can to deserve a young bride but instead is being a jerk about it. If he can't handle being your fiance, how is he supposed to handle being your husband? You should not have to do anything here. YOU aren't doing anything wrong. It's his problem.

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    • Do you think this situation is not fixable?

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    • Well he's very caring and kind most of the time. He and I used to have very open conversation. He has a good sense of humor and when he looks at me I feel hot all over. But in public I feel unwanted. Also today he tried to stop me from going to the gym again. We still talk a lot but he avoids any topic about our issues,. He listens well to everything else and never makes me feel silly about othe issues no matter how small they are. My confidence is slipping whenever we go out.

    • You can't marry someone who does that to you so you two need to have a talk.

  • he should have understood that when starting to date someone less than half his age. is not uncommon in taiwan for rich old men to have young girlfriends. especially western expats with Asian girlfriend.

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  • Unfortunately this is a problem that won't go away so if it really bothers you both it's probably best not to get married.

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  • If he's embarrassed of your age difference, why would he have purposed to you in the first place? It could just be due to males getting a lot of shit for liking younger women. Though I would not be with someone who is ashamed of our relationship.

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  • So when you are 41.. he will be 86. Do you really want to be married to an old man like that? Could you imagine having sex with him then?

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    • Sorry I mean 66...

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    • Well you might want to think about this long and hard. This is why I only date men around my age. The man I am with now is 2 years older than me... we can grow old together.

    • I guess I have a lot to think about.

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