Girls, what does "chemistry" mean to you?

I ask because my (now) ex and I broke up (again) because she feels a lack of chemistry. However, this has been an on and off relationship for 3 years. Each time we get into it, it's always super intense, she love bombs me, and then once we start being regularly intimate she pulls away. This is 2-4 months, and like clockwork. After a 2-4 months of separation she always comes back, sometimes pulling out all the stops to win be back over again.

Technically, I believe her to be a love avoidant and narcissist.

So I ask, what does chemistry mean to you? Because it seems that our friendship and attraction to each other is off the charts, until she says there's no chemistry, and walks.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • For me being in a bad marriage and not really feeling love. Once I started dating again I felt nothing for a lot of my dates. Then I met the man I'm dating now. For the first time I can say I'm in love. The chemistry I feel is it just fits the first time he held my hand and our fingers fit and it didn't hurt my finger bones I knew there was something. The way he makes me feel safe all the time. Just so many different feelings after 10 months I still get butterflies hearing his text tone, him pulling in my driveway or when he hugs me.

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    • Congratulations on finding a renewed love with someone. That's actually how it feels with her for the first two months, and then boom... "no chemistry."

    • You no longer feel chemistry or she doesn't?

    • She doesn't, or so she says. There's usually a lot of passion up front—she chases me, catches me and then leaves me. Signs of a narcissist really (idealization, devaluation and discard, rinse, repeat). She actually starts turning off after we become physically intimate, though shows all the signs of strong chemistry during. After, she wants to run.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Elements in periodic table lol jk. Nah it just means someone who you really connect with and get along wiht.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Chemistry is a term referring to that attraction that goes beyond being purely physical/emotional to someone, but almost literally puts the desire to want nothing more than to rip their pants off and have your way with them regardless.

    I don't see what 'chemistry' has to do with your story, nor how any of the behaviors you listed that your ex had would make her narcissistic/avoidant.
    She's playing you like a fiddle because you're willing to give her sex when she wants it, and she knows you'll come back to her whenever she wants it again. Why don't you just tell her what YOU want rather than allowing to do as she pleases then feeling like calling her names is okay. When, in reality, nothing's stopping you from telling her to fuck off.

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    • Playing me like a fiddle? True. The avoidant/narc stuff just has to do with the dynamic of our relationship, who she is and her childhood upbringing with no father and a narc mother. She likes control but wants a man to lead her and have his way with her. Then, when we start having sex and she orgasms regularly, she runs (and says we don't have chemistry).

    • Show All
    • Actually, it's the opposite. We're like best friends who are also compatible sexually. Our emotional and friendship compatibility is off the charts—it's actually almost like an addictive chemistry we both seem to have. It's when we become too intimate that she pulls away and uses her famous "no chemistry" line. That said, I've had better sex with past partners, I just don't put a whole lot of importance on it when it comes to a real relationship.

    • hate to break it to you chump, but being friends+having good sexual chemistry=/= good chemistry.
      I could probably fuck every other guy who goes to the gym I frequent and have amazing sex, but still be miserable if it came to being in a relationship with him.

  • to me having chemistry is how well you get along with another person/ how well your personalities complement each other

    an example:
    the other day, I had a great conversation with someone in my class about art, I just met them and we were able to passionately talk about it for the entire class and we both were actively participating and engaging in the conversation. i had a natural chemistry with them.

    on the flip side, i had another similar conversation with someone else about art, and it didn't go so well, it wasn't that it was a bad conversation, it was just that both our approaches to the conversation were different and our personalities didn't blend together well. it wasn't that i didn't like the person either, we just didn't have good chemistry

    i hope my examples made sense :)

    on another note, it seems to me that you deserve better than how you're being treated, if i'm being honest, i feel like she might be using the "lack of chemistry: thing as an excuse to break up with you.

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  • Chemistry doesn't mean much if someone is a love avoidant narcissist, which she seems to be. 3 years is a long time and she's treating you like crap. Women (not girls) don't pussyfoot when they find a good man they have feelings for. Cut it and open yourself to someone who doesn't make you wonder what essentially feeling good in a relationship feels like.

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    • Thanks. Yeah, I've cut it off. It's a long time to be dealing with BS. And I think you're right, "chemistry," love and commitment isn't as real a thing if she is in fact a love avoidant/narco—all signs point to that, including her childhood and upbringing. "Women (not girls)" ... love that line—a friend said something very similar.

    • You're worth more!

  • Mutual attraction and mutual feelings Mutual everything mainly. That's what I go based upon when it comes to chemistry. Something that constantly keeps you two involved with one another something that just naturally clicks somehow

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  • seems like the girl you are talking about likes the sparks of a new relationship but ones you guys settle down and it becomes a normal thing she gets bored an leaves

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What Guys Said 3

  • Chemistry is a branch of physical science that studies the composition, structure, properties and change of matter.

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  • the branch of science concerned with the substances of which matter is composed, the investigation of their properties and reactions, and the use of such reactions to form new substances.

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  • CHEMISTRY - a natural science that can be divided into two categories "Blowing stuff up" and "Making drugs"

    That's what it means to everybody 😂

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