How you go from being someone's girlfriend to nothing more than a hookup?

My ex boyfriend and I dated for 9 months. It ultimately ended not because either of us did anything crazy, but because he "just wasn't ready for a relationship". He had just divorced right before we started dating and was still dealing with custody battles during our relationship. It wasn't a good time for him to focus on a new relationship not to mention I think he needed to explore his freedom a bit first. A couple of months after we broke up, we started hooking up again once or twice a week. He never took me out on dates anymore and nothing was the same. I knew he was probably casually hooking up with other girls too, but also thought he just needed some time to be single and since I know he genuinely cared about me while we were dating and talked about our future I thought he would come back around. The whole time I made it clear I still had feelings and this was more than just sex to me. This went on for 5 months until suddenly he's telling me we can't hook up anymore because he's seeing someone else. I'm so hurt bc if he's reached the point that he's ready to try a relationship again, which I don't think he is bc he dumped her 2 months later, then why wouldn't he have given us another shot? It's not like I cheated or was some crazy girlfriend in the beginning. He even told his brother that he really could see a future with me but wasn't ready for that yet. Does he just not know what he wants or did he just stop liking me bc we were just hooking up? Help!


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What Girls Said 2

  • 1. Guys will treat you how you let them treat you.
    2. Guys will solve their problems and hangups if they think they'll lose you (assuming they want to keep you).

    How did you go from girlfriend to hookup to nothing? You let it happen. And sometimes when you let a guy treat you less than how you should be treated, they lose respect for you.

    You went from girlfriend to hookup while some other girl managed to get him to commit. She likely demanded commitment and demanded that he stop seeing other girls. And he wanted to keep her enough that he agreed to it, it was I either lose her or I agree and keep her. If he wants you enough, then he'll be okay not "exploring his freedom" because after all, what can he get out there that he can't get with you. She likely gave him an ultimatum, she couldn't do hookups anymore and wanted a relationship and he wanted her enough to say 'okay'. This is also an extension of number 1, she didn't let him continue treating her as a hookup, she wanted a relationship, and so she got one.

    I highly disagree with some of the prevailing dating advice of 'don't push him', 'don't rush him', and 'don't tell him what to do'. If you don't make your desires known, don't push him, then if he's happy with the status quo, why would he ever change it? If you want to be treated a certain way, and he's not giving it to you, then why are you staying? Why stay x months as a side chick if you want to be THE woman for him? Why stay x months only to find out much later that he's not going to make you the woman in his life but he'll make someone else the woman in his life. Wouldn't you rather make the demands up front know sooner rather than later if he'll commit to you instead of finding out later, after wasting so much time for a relationship that won't happen?

    With the right person, you will be ready. I only date people that I can see a future with, but that doesn't mean I necessarily put in equal amounts of effort, some of them I cared more for than others. Some of them if they gave me an ultimatum, I'd walk away because I didn't care enough for them, while others I would compromise on because I cared a lot for them and want to keep them around.

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  • When you let them use you

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