I think I'm verbally abusive to my boyfriend (long post)?

Last night he wanted to see a movie with me and have dinner. It went well. e get home and I wanted a bit of attention. He wasn't into it because he was tired, and understandably so, because I kept him up all night the night before arguing with him. I told him he has no problem texting other females for sex as soon as we break up, but he can't give me any attention. He tried to comfort me and tell me it wasn't true, even kissed me and said to calm down, but I just kept insisting it was. I asked him if he loved me and he just rolled his eyes. He told me to shut up and leave him alone because he wasn't going to argue again tonight, and I blew up. I called him a loser, an asshole, selfish, said he was using me for money and didn't love me. He kept quiet and it made me even more pissed off. I wanted a reaction. I asked him why he always gets quiet when I'm upset. Nothing. I asked him why its always so difficult to say he loves me. He said he kissed me and that's proof. I said it wasn't, he told me he's not dealing with me right now. I hate when he shuts me down. I went on for an hour, just telling him how much of a jerk he was. I got up and told him I'm done with him and grabbed my things and started throwing his stuff around. I made a huge mess in his room, and he got up and pushed me to the floor. I went up to him and grabbed his face and told him to never touch me again. I threatened to throw a chair at him. He said he'll break my face if I do. I started calling him names, including a little bitch. He grabbed my hair and my legs and physically tried to remove me from the room. He grabbed my face and started asking if I liked it when he did the same thing to me. He called me a bitch and said he doesn't want to deal with me anymore because I'm a bully. He has never called me that, and it hurt. I was hurt because this usually mild tempered guy did something he never really does, because I was pushing him to the edge. I felt like an evil woman. I feel like I went too far.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's the thing... a lot of women will deny it, but there are plenty of women who take great pleasure in being verbally abusive to their guys. There's no doubt that you're into that a bit, however I don't think that that's the real problem. I think that maybe you two just need to not be together. My ex-wife was the biggest bully ever and she too would be verbally abusive in just the strangest ways. Like... I'd be about to leave the condo and would say "Hey, Audi is low on gas, I'll be right back." and she'd say something like "So you're going to fill it up?" in this "Are you fucking stupid?" tone. And I would say "Umm... yeah" and would leave wondering what I was doing wrong. I think she just enjoyed talking to me like that and making me feel stupid.

    The answer with her was simple though -- I should have left her before I ever married her. Not only would it have been better for me, but I think it would have been better for her too. I don't think you're a bad person, but I think you need a reset. Let this guy go (for both of your sakes) and work on yourself a bit.

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    • I don't enjoy it at all. I'm usually very kind to him and talk to him respectfully. Its just that certain things trigger me, like when he doesn't seem to care that I'm upset, or tells me to be quiet because he doesn't want to deal with me. It makes me feel like my feelings are a burden to him. He thinks I enjoy it, and I absolutely do not. Why would I? I feel like we have an issue communicating and instead of him creating a place for me to feel comfortable enough to talk to him, he likes to brush it off as "petty" and I resort to name calling and yelling.

      I'm really sorry you had to deal with that. It isn't ok. Thanks for your response.

Most Helpful Girl

  • ... you did go a bit too far and of course there were better ways you could've resolved any issues you had/still have with him. However, that's not to say that his actions (such as getting physically violent against you via throwing you down on the floor, grabbing your hair and legs, etc.) were in any way appropriate either.

    You guys BOTH took things way too far, in my opinion.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Are you addicted to drama? Can't you leave the man alone? Holy crap, I would have walked out on you too.

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  • You were a giant bitch.

    You know why he goes quiet? Because its pointless to argue with you when you are heated. So he rather wants to leave it at that and deal things out when you finished throwing your tantrum.

    You really got what you deserved including him being physical after you were physical yourself.

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  • You did and your addicted to drama and shit. You pushed and pushed and you got your reaction you wanted. Thats it. You love to fight. Need to get that fixed.

    PS him seeing other women when you two are on a break is completely fine. You also need to get over that as well. When he ain't yours he can do what and who he wants.

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  • Life advice:
    Never test the thresholds of people who would seemingly never hurt a fly.. unless you're okay with dismemberment.

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  • Why did you ask this question? Life advice: Never test the thresholds of people who would seemingly never hurt a fly

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  • U be nuts

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  • You feel like that because you are. You are a bully
    You are more than verbally abusive.

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  • you sure did you messed up

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  • we dont know your relationship, nor do we care

    but, if you're abusive, you probably should look in to couples therapy. it might help

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  • You crazy

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What Girls Said 2

  • Yeah you should maybe calm down before yelling at him and talk about it calmly and don't keep getting in his face about it cause it can aggravate guys but yeah them not saying anything is very frustrating it seems like it got a little to heated he shouldn't have touched you like that and you shouldn't have touched him like that next just walk away calm down a bit and confront him calmly

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  • "I wanted a reaction " why?

    I really don't get why you kept pushing him. What if he hurt you really bad physically? I really hate when girls do that. Honestly you guys should break up.

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