Why would my ex contact me, talk to me for almost a week, then ignore me, reject me & disappear?

We had a messy breakup, but we were together for almost 6 years. He was a best friend to me, too. Pretty much grew up with him. Anyways regardless of that - he contacted me and we talked a lot over the phone and text. He was calling me "love" and telling me he loved me and missed me. He promised to call me one day. Never heard from him. He just said his "head is a mess" and got all distant, just stopped talking to me. Then rejected if I tried to call and ignored my messages. So obviously, I stopped trying to contact him (after stupidly calling a couple times and texting) cuz I was worried. I just feel really hurt. I'm in a vulnerable spot as it is, and he was telling me how much he loved me, missed me, we flirted and he was calling me pet names. I feel like a total doormat. Like he likes to keep me hanging from a string cuz I'm always here for him. Why would he do that to me? Come in and out of my life like that, pretty much playing games? He has been like this in the past. Not very available, is only there for me when it's convenient for him. (Part of why we broke up and I moved away) but how does someone who loves you, do this to you? I'm just trying to understand. Will he contact me again? If so, I know not to respond. I'm just hurting. Sorry for the story. Appreciate if you've done or been through something similar, want to share. Or just hear your perspective. Thanks :)


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What Guys Said 2

  • He doesn't love you, not in any sense that makes his love worth having. He picks you up when he needs you and then drops you when he doesn't. The only way that he can get away with this is if you let him. You have to wake up and smell the coffee, as I'm sure you're aware now. You cannot let him back into your life in any capacity, he has demonstrated that he will just drop you as soon as he is bored, has a better offer or his head becomes 'a mess'. You don't need that kind of inconsistency.

    If he should make contact again I would suggest that your immediate response is "Fuck off, grow up, stop wasting my time".

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    • Appreciate the advice. I am a smart girl. But the brain and the heart are two different things. And I have been crazy bout this boy since forever. My heart is stupid! I let him walk all over me and am always here because I care so much. But it hurts me time and time again. And one thing I've learned, despite my lack of self esteem, is that if he does find someone "new" it will only last so long, cuz he will realize no girl is me. And i know this from the past. And I know my worth enough to know I loved this person with all my heart. I can't allow myself to go through this again and again. That's not what someone who loves you does. Thanks for the input and letting me rant a bit!

    • You're very welcome. You're right that the heart and the head don't always work together. That is why you have to try and force rationality on to your emotions sometimes. If every time you tried to walk down a dead end you smacked your face into the wall, you'd probably choose a new direction. The same applies to your situation. The end result is all too predictable based on your past experience. You need to stop walking into that wall.

      He's not good enough for you, he doesn't deserve you. That is plain and simple. Nobody who treats you like this is worth your time. He spends more time hurting you than making you feel good. The only thing that has kept you hanging on is blind hope and your need for his validation. Well, hope cannot change reality and you actually don't need his validation. Have you seen yourself in the mirror? He's lucky that you even let him share your atmosphere.

  • I've been on both sides of it. I know it doesn't feel good and it feels as if he just used you but maybe what it is is that he still very much cares about you but is trying to not let the relationship you guys had get in the way of him caring. But of course it does and he then feels like crap because of it. So he decides it may be better for you if he goes.

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    • Thanks for your opinion, appreciate it. I try to see it from his perspective. But I've been in hard spots before while we were together and had no support, help or even compassion from him. So this kind of shows me his true colors even more. I haven't felt cared about in a long time. And I feel like he is reallly only thinking about himself at this point. And has been for awhile.

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    • Amen to that. Could not agree more. I'm just focusing on me right now, even though it's really hard, needs be done. Thank you!! Self worth is so important and too many people lack it, including myself. We have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else.

    • That's the spirit!! Keep your head held high and leave the past behind. I'll be cheering you on

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