I miss him even though he's not really good for me. Should I contact him?

Ugh I miss him soooo much. He was more like a friends with benefits. I wanted more, he said that relationships were too stressful. I recently told him I don't want to continue what we had going on. However my emotions have been driving me insane! lol I can't stop thinking about him and wiping tears from my eyes. I miss him. I just want to feel him holding me and kissing me. I'm this close to contacting him. Any advice?

Updates:
He contacted me and asked me if I could give him another chance. Said he's really trying here. I told him ok.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are tons of guys who can be very nice to your p*ssy, but only a few of them will actually care for the rest of you.

    For him (or any individual not having moral qualms manipulating anyone who's letting them do it), it is reasonable to fall back to you now and at any future point when he's not seeing someone else or when seeing you at the same time is not taxing them time-wise, money-wise, or emotionally.

    For you, using him for sex is probably a lesser evil than multiple other partners; but if it is taxing you emotionally and adding to your "luggage", you're probably best off looking for someone genuine.

    OR you can take the "he'll change for me" view, which of course no other manipulated and discarded girl ever had in the history of mankind, but that is up to you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I just learned this the hard way.

    When someone tells you something the first time -LISTEN TO THEM.

    I just got my heart broken because I got caught up in my feelings. If he doesn't want a relationship with you by now he won't want one later. This just isn't it. He's going to use you and later on make you feel that it was your fault because he already told you he doesn't want it.

    Coping and moving on is harder and I don't know what to tell you about that except you're just gonna have to go through it. I've been sad for weeks now, and avoiding men, and it would just be easier to go back but then I would be disrespecting myself. Don't do that to yourself.

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    • I hope you're doing better & meet someone who really deserve youšŸ’ž

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 21

  • unless you can accept just having a FWBs relationship then you shouldn't as you will only be somewhat satisfied

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  • Stay away, he isn't going to fall in love with you or do anything more than sex if he was already your friends with benefits and didn't want a relationship, so if you contact him it's just going to keep him in your mind more and make it harder to get over.

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    • We didn't have sex but we've done kissing and oral

    • As much as you want to don't call. Its gonna be hard still be friends with benefits since it was hard before. Its just gonna tare you up.

  • www.court-records.net/.../miles-determined(c).gif

    Don't do it... Please don't... Don't have friends with benefits relationships with guys you want commitment from. It's a bad play.

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  • WELL you don't want him, you want a relationship with him and he wants to use you, friends with benefits is using each other to get off but if that's not not what he wants it's not good. If a boy is having sex with you and doesn't develop feelings for you like he don't cuddle you or stuff that would suggest you really ain't compatible and there's nothing you can really do to change that. After sex I'm all loved up cause I only sleep with people I have feelings for mostly but if you ever feel anything else he's probably regretting it As guys loose there lust after ejaculating. It's hard cause everyone's idea of love etc is different but I just think talking to him is a bad idea unless he acts like he wants you for more than sex.

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    • It's so weird but he actually likes to cuddle after he ejaculates lol. Even when I'm like "ok I have to go" he refuse to take his arms from around me. lol smdh If only he could commit. šŸ˜ž And that's good that u mostly sleep with people u have feelings for. Using people is so wrong.

    • Well I think maybe he does but he also maybe doesn't, maybe he has been hurt in the past, does he see you and cuddle befor sex, like in a non sexual way or ever just treat you extra nice by accident?šŸ˜› Sounds just like me after sex too lol but I do have feelings, but I think the key to having relationships you defenitley need to have the ability to cut people off if theyre the wrong people.

    • Hmm I'm m starting to sense that maybe he has been hurt in the past. Tbh we usually cuddle after being intimate with each other. He doesn't really act affectionate towards me otherwise. Well he does but not a lot.

  • The girls here are giving good advice. Take it

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  • I think you should go and talk to him and tell him that you still have feelings for him. Get a bit cosy with himand make him feel cormfortable.
    Even I have proposed a girl she said that in 11std she does not want to have any relationships but on the other hand she has feelings for me. So, I felt really sad that she didn't accept my proposal and so I gave her time till tom evening.
    You pls dont do the same thing. Go and tell him your feelings. And at times relationships may be stressfull but calm down and ask your inner mind- Do I love him? Do I have feelings for him? Is it ok if I m in a relationship now?
    If your ans is yes to most of the q then Repeat only one thing in your mind-I love him. Thats all go speak to him. All the Best. do update me if your relationship works out. And you can ask me q anytime.
    So GOOD LUCK!!!

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  • I think its just going to prolong how bad you are feeling I think letting the wound close will be better and easier in the long run then giving in now

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  • No, you will only hurt yourself doing so.

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  • I was there!! He might not be ready earlier closeness with u might have changed him. go ahead giv it a try

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  • Not if you know he treats you bad

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  • God! I'm going through the exact same thing! The situation is a little different but I'm having the same feelings and thoughts that you are and I'm not sure what to do either. What I always tell my friends that come to me with stuff is no matter what always do what's best for you first so I guess I should listen to my own advice... although I'm really not sure what that is right now! lol
    sorry I probably wasn't much help :-)

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  • Why don't you go for another guy?

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    • I stopped talking to him for a short period. During that time I met other guys who I thought was interested in me. Long story short, it just didn't work out with them.

  • No just don't

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  • you told him just ok after crying over him?

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    • No we had a whole conversation

  • That's your fault you shouldn't have ended things and he's right relationship are stressful and by being friends with benefits was kinda keeping the tension down

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  • Watch out fellas, she likes the bad boys. What could go wrong :> ?

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  • you ready to give me MHO...

    Yes call him call him right now and tell him to go fuck himself!!!

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  • all the best on the second chance..

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  • how is he "not really good"?

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    • I wanted more and he didn't. But because we were intimate I caught feelings for him. He was not really good for me from an emotional standpoint and the fact that he was demanding for someone who didn't want to commit.

    • If a guy doesn't want to commit, then there is really nothing you can do but move on. You said he is friend with benefit, which means he doesn't see you as the one he want to commit to. Men have all the quotas to look for a partner they want to commit to but not for women since your youth has a ticking clock. All you need now is time.

  • don't do it if u r gonna screw someone u aren't in love with get someone like me

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  • He obviously laid down some good pipe for you to be wanting it this bad

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    • His tongue was no jokešŸ˜Ŗ

What Girls Said 30

  • No, stay strong. You know he's not good for you, so if you proceed seeing him that will only bring you more pain. You need to stop thinking about him, yes that will be hard to do. but everytime he pops into your head distract yourself with something positive, feed your mind with thoughts that have nothing to do with him. soon he won't have this effect on you. you deserve someone who will hold you with so much love that you never have to doubt if you should be with them

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  • You're only going to delay what you're going through by contacting him. When reality sets in again and you realize he doesn't feel the same, it will hurt all over again maybe even more cause then you'd be rejected another time

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  • You should leave him alone. If a guy falls for a woman, he puts in effort without you having to chase after him. If he wants you then let him prove it. Don't be a sucker...

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  • The thing is, you want him..
    so no matter what anyone says you will still want him and you will still go back to him. You just have to learn not to want him, and as horrible as it is this will most probably come when he hurts your feelings really badly to the point where you no longer forgive him :(
    Trust me, been there, done that

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  • I don't think you'll want to hear this but no you shouldn't take him back. Nothing will change. But I have a feeling you'll ju-

    Oh wait. Yup. Didn't matter what anybody said.

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  • Mmmmhmmm
    ... Would you rather do this all over again, ruin your life and confidemce in men more, or get through and over this now and live a healthier life asap?

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  • Your too into him you can't contact him it will just end up worse than it is now. He's made it very clear it's not going anywhere in the direction you want it to, why would you do that to yourself knowing he's been honest?

    You need to go through the pain and heartache for now to get over it and move on forgetting about him in time.

    You know it's the only answer you just don't want to hear it!

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  • No. Ever. That feeling will pass, distract yourself, learn the lesson and don't repeat same mistake again. Tc :)

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  • Omg, you deserve so much better. šŸ’—šŸ’—

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  • I mean do as you like but you ended it cause you weren't happy with being just friends with benefits, you wanted more... if you go back to him chances are you'll still be just friends with benefits. You may be happy at first because you got him back but after some time passes, you're going to feel the same as before... so it's up to you. If you can settle down for friends with benefits only, go for it... if you're still thinking of being more then let him know and see how he responds...

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  • you can't make someone who doesn't like you like you, you have to realize he was a loss cause and move on. have hope, someone will actually like you in the future for who you are

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  • No. The thing is if you both want different things then it's always gonna be hard for you. Especially if you want more. Take it from someone who fell in love with someone who saw me as nothing and strung me along for two years. They're not worth it.

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  • Just don't... Its not worth it trust me, if he really wanted you he would've begged you not to "dump" him or even asked you to be in a relationship with him... I was in this situation a few months back, This jerk is still texting me, I dont reply :-(

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  • You just need intimacy... There was a reason you wanted to stop it right? Remember it and don't wipe your eyes

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  • Don't allow him to string you along and make false promises. Don't give him too many chances. I made that mistake

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  • I'm going through pretty much the same situation (except I never told him that I don't want to continue things) and I am feeling the same emotions you are. How did it go when he contacted you?

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    • He said he wanted another chance basically and that I shouldn't just blame everything on him because I had my moments when I could be complicated & he still stayed.

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    • I would just leave him alone. Only if he reaches out to you I would tell him you don't want to continue things anymore. He seems unavailable. Plus if he's causing you pain then you should just let go & give yourself time to heal and move forward with your life.

    • I'm going to try calling him tonight if I get the nerve and I guess try to tell him that I can't do this anymore. After today he is leaving for a few months and I don't want to feel this way while he is gone and I will just be thinking about it constantly. You're right he does seem unavailable and I just don't understand why. It's such a tease when he seems like he cares around me and I have told him before what he has done that hurts me and he insists he is sorry. I just don't know if he knows how I feel. I guess since we are just friends I guess I can't expect him to always text or call me like someone more than friends would do but I don't know why I ever thought he wouldn't hesitate to make time for me before he leaves for three months.

  • No, don't. You need to forget about him. Pick up a new hobby, something to keep you occupied.

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  • Don't do it it's a trap. it's a cycle that does not change

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  • He's just using you. It's like you're safe bet who will be there when he needs it. He may not even realise why he's doing or... He might. Do something for yourself and walk away. I have been in this situation, it's such a horrible dark place. Breathe and let it go...

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  • DON'T, if it was a friends with benefits thing then obviously there should be no feelings involved, try to get over him

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    • I'm trying to but it is SO HARD.

    • i know, i tried getting over a guy before and trust me, it does take lots of time depending on how much you liked the person

  • I personally wouldn't have taken him back he doesn't sounds as committed but it's up to you to see how it works out so good luck!

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  • I understand how you feel :(

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  • no. that is a bad idea. I know how you're feeling. I went through something similar with my ex. you know the heartbreak honey. don't put yourself through that again. you deserve more.

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  • If he's not good for you, don't do it

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  • You're an adult (supposedly). You can make your own decisions. Just don't go expecting miracles.

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  • No! you'll get someone knew.

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  • U should not

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  • If he doesn't want a relationship then unfortunately you probably shouldn't contact him. You're gonna have to go through a break up scenario and get over him unless he rings u begging u for a relationship

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  • Don't go back to him unless he is willing to have a relationship with you if not it would be best for your head and heart to tell him not to contact you anymore or block his number. I was in this same situation it took me ages to stop having feelings for him after we stopped talking... I finally got over him and stopped thinking about him all the time and then a few months after I got over him he contacted me again which bought back all the feelings then the same thing happened. Trust me it's not worth going through it again. Find someone who wants the same thing you do and actually cares about you're feelings... I know it would be tempting to go back because of how you feel but stay strong.

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  • You want more and he doesn't. You guys are completely on different pages on what you want. I know you miss him and all, but it's not worth the hassle and tears. You can find a guy who does want a relationship with you not just for sex. Friends with benefits never works out well. Thats why I avoid it.

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