I’m 32 years old, and I just broke up with my first boyfriend. He's a polygamist, should I go back?

I just broke up with my first boyfriend. We met one year ago and I fell for him hard. After we’re together, he told me all his past relationships ended because his exes found out he cheated on them.

This made me felt very insecure, and always thought he would cheat on me eventually. I grew up in a conservative family and wanted to settle down and have kids. He didn’t see himself as a married man. I wanted to leave him, but since he’s my first boyfriend, I really enjoyed having him keeping me company at everything. To show that he’s serious about me, he deleted all his dating app and took me to meet his closest friends. We were very happy together. We visited many places, took vacations, and had great sex. He was very caring around me, my girlfriends that met him actually praised him.

Later, he started to reveal that he’s a polygamist. He loved having me around, but he also wanted to date other people. He wanted an open relationship. We could still keep each other company, and I could go on dates to find Mr. Right. He would go on dates just for sex. I was angry and refused, so he dropped it.

All these info gave me tremendous anguish. After months of stressing out, I finally broke up with him. He was very clam at first. We agreed to stay in touch as friends when I’m ready. Later when we said our final goodbye, he broke down and cried, and that broke my heart.

It’s been less than a month since we broke up, and I missed him tremendously. My girlfriends said it’s because he was my first, and that I’d get over him in a few months, just stick to the No Contact Rule. However, there are days I feel like I must see him, touch him, and ask how he is because the pain is unbearable. I can’t help but think maybe I can go back to him and see him once a week. Maybe it’ll ease my pain. We’ll be like in an open relationship, where I continue to search for Mr. Right while still have him to keep me company.

I’m so torn! Should I contact him and tell him let’s meet once a week?



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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't go back unless you are okay with him sleeping with other women. He, basically, has told you that there is no future with him. You want a traditional family life. He want's to be able to sleep with whoever he wants. If he tells you hell only be with you so you'll come back, you are being a fool. He's been very clear and you don't just turn off such a big desire in your life. You will feel better as time goes on. You'll find a man that has the same beliefs about a relationship and family as you.

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What Guys Said 17

  • You did agree to remain friends, right? I have no problems with you going back to see him as a friend. Although, I am curious if he knows why you broke up with him. Did you tell him why? I think your girlfriends are worried that if you go back to him, you two will hook up again - which is a valid concern. It's up to you if you want to go back to him, but remember that you two might hook up again which is what your girlfriends are warning you about. I agree that you should implement a No Contact rule.

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  • Stick to the no contact rule and move on. Unless you can feel that you can do the same things that he does with other guys. Because that's would be only fair.

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  • He told you. You dont want to be in that kind of a relationship. Hell all guys would love to have 4-5 women all on a leash for when ever they wanted. You find one just for you, that treats you good and gives you the respect you deserve. He has been lying and cheating on you for a long time. You didn't want to see the truth. It happens all the time. Find a lover/friend and move on. You dont have to find your life partner right away, just someone to do things with.

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  • No, you shouldn't.

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  • dont go back to her... just keep in touch with him sometimes but if u go back to him this relation will not go long and how many girls he slept with.. its out of your imagination... may be he is caring for u but if u allow him to sleep with other women after marriage then you should go back to him

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  • Just like the rest of the folks here are saying, I'll keep the no contact rule. I'm sure the pain is excruciating but here's something to ponder about. When you do meet Mr Right (notice I used the word when and not if), do you think it would be easier or harder to cut ties with your ex if you decided to continue seeing him?

    PS: not trying to open a can of worms but it's something to think about. Good luck

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  • no don't go back

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  • I wouldn't. You two clearly want different things from the relationship and staying with him will only make the breakup pain worse when you come to it. Also it's likely harder to date while in a relationship even if it is an open one.

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  • Going back will be the worst thing you'll ever do.. Trust me first love breakup may never get fixed..
    Try moving on with the no contact rule..
    You'll eventually find the perfect one..

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  • No forgot that

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  • uggh gross an open relationship I'm triggered

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  • your pain will ease out until you get some other company.

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  • fuck him

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  • what's the NO-CONTACT rule?

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    • Basically it's don't contact your ex in any way for 30 days or longer.

    • is it bad if it's been 2-3 weeks and you call them and they don't say anything and hangup?

  • You took 32 years to date someone?

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  • Polygamy is illegal in the western world

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    • But there are few laws against cheating. Do you want to be close or far away when he cheats on you?

  • How do guys like this get so much sex when I can't get ANY?

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What Girls Said 4

  • You think it will ease the pain but it won't. All those feelings with just come rushing and make it so much more painful. The no contact rule is a good way to go to get over someone. Also try to stay busy. If you busy and doing something you like you won't have time to think about him.

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  • If you both want different things, it will never work honestly. He's never going to commit to you and that's what you really want. Take it from someone who had their heart shattered by someone (and he wasn't my first boyfriend at all). Go no contact. Give up, move on and try and find someone who does what you want. You will just keep opening up an old wound over and over. Distance is the best healer.

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  • No, don't contact him. It sounds like it would just lead to a lifetime of heartache for you. Stay strong for now. And once you have moved on, and then eventually find someone new, you will feel better. And he can stay in the past, where he belongs.

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  • Leave him. He's a disgusting pos pig who's probably infested with stds. He's not normal. You deserve a guy who values and respects you. A guy who wants to share you with other people is not in love you honey. You could do so much better and find a guy who is hotter and way better than this pos will ever be.

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