Should we go to couples therapy?

I just tried to break up with my partner of 8 years. The past three years have been terrible. He had become very emotionally abusive. We opened our relationship because he was bored, I slowly just lost all respect for him and ended up cheating on him after he decided to close the relationship. It's just a bunch of bad news. We both messed up a lot. After all this we started working on us and we improved but I don't have any romantic feelings for him anymore after everything was said and done. We are great friends and I enjoy his company. But when he tries to kiss me or anything intimate it is literally repulsive. So I decided we both deserved better than beating this dead horse. However his feelings for me are still there. I told him I didn't want a relationship with him anymore and explained that although I care about him and we have improved in many ways my feelings for him are gone. He is in denial about it. He says that he can see that I still feel for him even if I can't see it and he asked if I would go to couples therapy. I agreed because I feel maybe this will make it easier to accept? But at the same time I don't want to get his hopes up. I have been trying to muster up the courage to break things off for a while now and I really don't think it's something that can be changed. It's been years since I felt the romantic love for him that I used to feel. And I told him this. Should I just find a way to end it now or let him have the couples therapy session for the sake of all the time we have invested into our relationship?


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What Guys Said 1

  • The therapy can't make u fall for him again. If u are able to break up with him without wanting to go back then u don't have any feelings left for him. He needs to understand that

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What Girls Said 2

  • It sounds like couples therapy wouldn't help the repulsive feeling you have when he tries to be intimate with you. Accept that this didn't work out, and break up. Nothing is worse than being with a partner who you don't like/love/find attractive, no matter how long you've been together.

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  • I don't think couple's therapy could help anything at this point.
    If you're physically repulsed by him, I doubt therapy could help get that attraction for him back. With you both, you've gotten to the point where neither of you can offer what the other needs in the relationship anymore. If you were to go through with the therapy, you'd only be doing it to appease him, but you'd never go into it to genuinely want to repair the relationship and work on it. Right from the start, you'd only be doing it out of obligation, with no real hope or effort to repair the relationship. To me, it would be "doomed" from the start, and would end up being a waste of time for everyone.

    I feel like if you were to agree and go through with the therapy, he will feel like there's still hope, and that's obviously something you said you don't want to do.

    You've told him how you feel already, and I think at this point, you just need to end the relationship. I think that if you were to agree and go through with the therapy, it would be beating a dead horse, like you said. So, I'd say just end it, and hopefully he'd accept it and you could still be in each other's lives as friends.

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