Why does my ex suddenly want to hang out all of the time?
So my ex broke up with me over a month ago after nearly a year of dating and up until a couple of weeks ago there really wasn’t much contact between us. A couple of weeks ago we ended up hooking up, but not having sex. That night we talked about how we missed each other and since then he has wanted to hang out much more as friends. Initially he suggested we be “hook-up buddies” since we were both attracted to each other and neither of us are seeing anyone new, but I turned him down. I told him it would be like breaking up all over again when we had to stop hooking up because one of us met someone new and I have no desire to go through another emotional breakup, which he said he understood because he would feel upset too. I said all I could give him was friendship and he said he was good with that because he enjoyed spending time with me.
Since then we have hung out several times, all of which he has initiated, and nothing has happened between us and he hasn’t tried. I guess I just don’t understand why he wants me in his life so much if he chose not to be with me? Is he just lonely or is he keeping me in his life because he isn’t sure he made the right decision and just wants time with me to make sure? He once said that we aren’t right for each other right now and joked about me waiting for him for 4 more years until he’s where I’m at, which I think might be because I want a serious relationship and he isn’t ready for one, or at least not ready for the part that takes work and isn’t just fun and easy. He’s only a year younger than me and even though he is very professionally mature, emotionally he has a lot of growing up to do. I can’t help but think that he is keeping me in his life so that when he finally feels ready I am still around and connected to him, which gives him a better chance of getting back together with me. Am I way off base? I’m not waiting around for that to happen and am open to meeting someone new, but for now I still enjoy having him in my life.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I want you to ask yourself this question for me,
Can you still be his friend if today, he said he is currently seeing/dating someone else?
If your answer is no. Don't wait around for something that isn't promised. You answer means you are still emotionally attached to him(its okay it happens).
I want you to try to move on from this. By staying friends with your ex you are just helping him get over you. As he moves on, you will take an emotional step back. Please don't do this. Be strong, confident and realize that if he wants the same things one day, he will come running. Even if you are not avaliable and dating someone else. So let's speed up that process for you shall we?
Losing you will hurt him more than anything you could ever do or say. So do nothing for him and everything for you right now.
What Guys Said 6
sometimes time apart gives a person a chance to reassess what they had - both good and bad. and it seems that he has decided that the positives in a relationship with you outweigh the negatives.
you don't say how you feel, which is probably why he hasn't stepped up to the plate to share the way he feels either.
you two need to have a good talk about what you two are trying to create together and stop dancing around the topic.
Did you dump him?
It sounds to me he erroneously hopes that by being your friend he will get back together with you. He definitely had some growing up to do to realize that once you put him in the "friend zone" he isn't getting out.
What Girls Said 1
Good for you for turning him down!
That's a very hopeful outlook - that he wants you for the future. But if that were the case he'd be dating you right now. Have you considered he might be keeping you as a back up, or for sex (as someone else suggested). And honestly, staying friends with exes does lead to "friends with benefits" eventually. If you're already starting to question the situation, it'll just get worse. Stop all contact with him, go out on dates with new people, and clear your head.