Why does my ex suddenly want to hang out all of the time?

[Anonymous]

So my ex broke up with me over a month ago after nearly a year of dating and up until a couple of weeks ago there really wasn’t much contact between us. A couple of weeks ago we ended up hooking up, but not having sex. That night we talked about how we missed each other and since then he has wanted to hang out much more as friends. Initially he suggested we be “hook-up buddies” since we were both attracted to each other and neither of us are seeing anyone new, but I turned him down. I told him it would be like breaking up all over again when we had to stop hooking up because one of us met someone new and I have no desire to go through another emotional breakup, which he said he understood because he would feel upset too. I said all I could give him was friendship and he said he was good with that because he enjoyed spending time with me.

Since then we have hung out several times, all of which he has initiated, and nothing has happened between us and he hasn’t tried. I guess I just don’t understand why he wants me in his life so much if he chose not to be with me? Is he just lonely or is he keeping me in his life because he isn’t sure he made the right decision and just wants time with me to make sure? He once said that we aren’t right for each other right now and joked about me waiting for him for 4 more years until he’s where I’m at, which I think might be because I want a serious relationship and he isn’t ready for one, or at least not ready for the part that takes work and isn’t just fun and easy. He’s only a year younger than me and even though he is very professionally mature, emotionally he has a lot of growing up to do. I can’t help but think that he is keeping me in his life so that when he finally feels ready I am still around and connected to him, which gives him a better chance of getting back together with me. Am I way off base? I’m not waiting around for that to happen and am open to meeting someone new, but for now I still enjoy having him in my life.

[RealDeal]

I want you to ask yourself this question for me,

Can you still be his friend if today, he said he is currently seeing/dating someone else?

If your answer is no. Don't wait around for something that isn't promised. You answer means you are still emotionally attached to him(its okay it happens).

I want you to try to move on from this. By staying friends with your ex you are just helping him get over you. As he moves on, you will take an emotional step back. Please don't do this. Be strong, confident and realize that if he wants the same things one day, he will come running. Even if you are not avaliable and dating someone else. So let's speed up that process for you shall we?

Losing you will hurt him more than anything you could ever do or say. So do nothing for him and everything for you right now.

Good Luck.

[Alaskaman]

sometimes time apart gives a person a chance to reassess what they had - both good and bad. and it seems that he has decided that the positives in a relationship with you outweigh the negatives.

you don't say how you feel, which is probably why he hasn't stepped up to the plate to share the way he feels either.

you two need to have a good talk about what you two are trying to create together and stop dancing around the topic.

good luck.

[lviav]

Good for you for turning him down!

That's a very hopeful outlook - that he wants you for the future. But if that were the case he'd be dating you right now. Have you considered he might be keeping you as a back up, or for sex (as someone else suggested). And honestly, staying friends with exes does lead to "friends with benefits" eventually. If you're already starting to question the situation, it'll just get worse. Stop all contact with him, go out on dates with new people, and clear your head.

[Anonymous]

Did you dump him?

It sounds to me he erroneously hopes that by being your friend he will get back together with you. He definitely had some growing up to do to realize that once you put him in the "friend zone" he isn't getting out.

[Asker]

He actually dumped me and continues to say that he thinks he made the right decision. This is why I'm confused about him wanting to hang out as much as he does and contacting me almost on a daily basis. I guess I would understand if we had been broken up for a while and the emotional attachment had more time to disappear so that a pure friendship was possible, but we just broke up over a month ago so things still feel complicated. What do you think his motives are?

[Opinion Owner]

Oh....well that is whole different story. I recently got dumped and I have horrible urges to contact my ex (bitch jumped right into another relationship). I realize it's not love, but challenge cause of the rejection damaged my ego.

However in your situation I think one of two things. First he really sees you as a friend....very possible since he dumped you. Second he just misses the sex. Sorry, but I know how guys think. My advice is to stop talking to him.

[Asker]

I can see how you would think it would be that he just wants to be friends or just sex, but honestly I don't think it's either. He got really jealous when I went on a date with someone else and asked a lot of questions about the date, flirts with me all of the time, and has admitted that he is still really attracted to me, none of which are behaviors that I would think are indicative of a desire to be "just friends".

[Asker]

As for just wanting sex, yeah, he did approach still hooking up, but I said no way and he said he understood and was ok with being just friends because he wanted me in his life, in any capacity. Since that conversation we have hung out as friends a handful of times, all initiated by him and he texts me all of the time, just to tell me about little details of his day. You said I should stop talking to him but I keep hoping he'll change his mind and want to get back together.

[Opinion Owner]

He thinks by being "friendly" to you he will get to hook up with you again.

[archn]

He's lonely and wants you around, but doesn't want to be with you.

[Anonymous]

He might of realized that he screwed up and wants you back.

[Asker]

If that was the case wouldn't he just ask me for another chance? We hang out on a regular basis and he flirts with me all of the time, almost more than when we were actually together. In a lot of ways he acts like he did when we were together, which is why I am so confused about what he wants. However, he's had plenty of opportunities to ask to get back together, but hasn't.

[trod199]

Cause he needs a qb cause his starter is out so he's going to his 2nd string which looks like its you

[Anonymous]

Sex with the ex...