My boyfriend treated his ex like a princess but not me, why?

[Anonymous]

I found out that he just broke up 3 weeks ago when he first approached me. He was depressed when they broke up. I stalked his ex and I feel like shit because she is so hot and sexy. The worst part is I found that he used to bring her for a holiday, movie, fancy restaurants, bought her gifts but not me. He also travelled for 2 hours every weekend just to see her but like me I am the one who need to go to his place. He lives in an apartment and all he does is wait for me in front of the door.

[i_research]

That was probably when he was 18 or 17 or around that age.

A family member mine had a girlfriend, that he used to treat with extra love until she cheated on him, then he broke up with her. But later on he got another girlfriend, who he is married to now, but things are not the same.

He loves her of course. He hates his ex for cheating. He loves his wife, but he doesn't do the exact same thing he did before.

Here is why:

If he does the exact same thing, it feels like it's acting. not really from heart.

With each person, we get different connection, different feeling. With one friend I love talking on the phone, with the other I prefer to go for hiking.

Now as for dating and etc. he was very young, and at that age guys have more time, extra pocket money, and the first feeling is just a bit different. And people change over time. Maybe he is not the same romantic as he was when he was in his teen or early 20s.

Like me, I am not the same person as I was a few years ago.

Here is what you should know: He is not going to change. He won't ever suddenly be so romantic that he sweeps off your feet.
If you are not happy now, best to part ways; unless you be honest with yourself and him, that you know this who he is now, and you accept him this way and see yourself happy with him in the long run

[someho]

If he's done so many things for her it means she really was something special to him and he loved her.

If they just broke up there is no way for him to be ready to start a new relationship with you. You might be his distraction to get over her but nothing more that is also why he's not putting in much effort.

What you should do is step out and let him know it's for his own good. He needs to first finish what he's started and get over it. After that he might be emotionally available but for now you're just a backup plan. He might like you but his mind is still with her. He's never going to develop feeling for you that way so give him a time to recover then come back around and see how it goes.

If you stay in this trap, chances are she may come back around and he may leave you for her anytime because she's still his number one.

[Asker]

They don't talk to each other for almost a month and he told me he hates her like hell but I'm wondering if he asked me to come to his place just to let her know that he is seeing someone else. Because his flatmate is very close to his ex.

[someho]

Even if they don't talk that doesn't mean that he lost feelings for her.

If he hates her it means it's a fresh pain cause when you're really over it, you don't even talk about that person and don't give a damn about it. You are careless about what they done what they did etc.

If i were you i'd still give him time and wouldn't go to his place. Going to his place would mean y'all are going to have sex and it doesn't necessarily mean they care, it could mean just to boost their ego and satisfy their needs.

[prettygirl8]

Honestly I used to feel the same way and it made me so insecure and jealous. But now I realise that, it takes time for guys to open up. Especially when the previous girl may have taken him for advantage or treated him badly, they switch off and pull away and stop doing those type of things because they feel like they are being treated for granted and when they feel right, you'll receive a similar type of treatment. But please think positive and do not let that come between you or your relationship because you will regret it. Be grateful that you have someone that loves you for who you are🙂 I wish you all the best!

[kaylaS91]

... try to be more empathetic and understand that, while I'm sure his ex having been treated like that must have been nice at the time, there's no way such a dynamic can continue in the long-run while the relationship is still healthy and happy. Your boyfriend probably realized this after the fact and now understands that 'love' is an emotion you feel towards someone. Not something that can be bought via wooing your s/o with things like fancy restaurants or gifts on the regular.

You have a choice to either accept that and be treated like an equal, or get a sugar-daddy elsewhere.

[guy532]

I've literally been the guy in that situation to an eerily similar degree (was thoughtful for my ex, traveled 2 hours to see her, and started dating another girl 2 weeks after the breakup). Truth is, you were just the first in line and he picked you because well you were available and interested in him. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's true. Guessing he was resistant on being in a relationship as well.

[Asker]

So now he is just using me to forget her?

[guy532]

He's using you to fill in that empty void in his life. He's an emotional wreck right now and doesn't know what to do. He probably just wanted to feel loved and appreciated and you gave that to him. Once he feels like his old self again he's most likely going to ditch. I know it's a shit situation and who knows, I may be wrong. See right now you're what he needs, but you're not necessarily what he wants and he's going to realise that sooner or later, unless you really are his type.
Having said all that it could also be that he's afraid of investing himself more because last time he did he was heartbroken. Only time will tell and if it doesn't work out just know that it's actually one of the cases where it has almost nothing to do with you.

[AlexBlack007]

Be positive. Don't expect all that from your boyfriend, who knows maybe his ex made all these demands and took him for granted and maybe that lead to their breakup. Maybe he loves you because he doesn't need to treat you that way. Be positive, don't think about it too much, you'll get depressed if you do.

[singlebee]

Looks like you are definitely a rebound that's why...
He was definitely into her a lot... And ofcourse he doesn't like you you or something...

Why did they breakup by the way?

[Asker]

According to his best friend, they fought and she ignored him, giving him a silent treatment then he decided to break up and she agreed without saying anything to him.

[LittlePurpleDot]

He probably really loved her. I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but he may still be a little upset about the breakup. How long have you guys been dating?

[Asker]

Almost a month.

[LittlePurpleDot]

Then there is a chance he still hurts about it. Wait a while, keep being the good supportive girlfriend you are, and if things don't get better ask him to sit down and talk about how you feel and his ex. If he dodges the question or gets mad, don't push it and ask to talk again at a later date. If his attitude continues and he doesn't treat you like you know you should be treated, dump him. If he can't get over his ex, let him crawl back to her.

[Asker]

We had sex very early now I'm questioning if he is using me.

[LittlePurpleDot]

That could be possibility. I hate to break it to you, but you could be a rebound...

[Warmapplecrumble]

She probably burned him out like a roast chicken.

Now he feels exhausted and probably is scared to invest same the amount.

Maybe he is saving the money for something bigger like planning children with you or moving in with you or marrying you.

Maybe he is in debt after the money spending and when he comes out he'll spend more.

Do you like to travel on holidays and go out like crazy? I personally don't. My favourite is spending time with my partner in his arms.

She looks sexy to you. You are a woman not a man. Maybe your boyfriend doesn't feel like she is sexy, compared to you. I mean why does he choose to be with you, not her?

[HitGirl_4680]

Run! If it's you always giving and getting nothing in return, it's not an even fair living relationship. It needs to be give n take on both sides. You both need to put yourself out for each other at times because you both care about each other. If it's one sided clearly he isn't really into you or the relationship.

You have to decide if your happy to be with someone who is like that, in a relationship like that.

[ShortCircuit]

You two haven't been together long enough to warrant him giving you that sort of treatment. Normally, if a guy showers a girl in gifts and shit like that after only 3 weeks, they get scared off. So I can't blame him for holding back.

Just be patient.

[Asker]

Can you believe he bought her something expensive on the first date?

[Blonde401]

He has a lot of issues from his previous relationship. Probably has trust isssues and isn't ready to date. It's best to tell him that you're feeling inadequate. Don't tell him it's because you stalked his ex though cause he won't take that the right way.

[JaggerzBY]

Be yourself, dont compare. If your boyfriend really thinks others is better than you, then you should leave. Such man will be a loser sooner or later, because no one is the best and if he keeps on grabbing the next, then he is just a fuckboy.

Anw, I do not know the exact situation, so haha jus an humble opinion. All the best!

[sarath1997]

boring girl , I mean his ex he felt bored of treating her so they broke up , I hope you want him to stay with you , so he is currently not in a mood to love someone like he did with his ex , and afraid that if he treat you like her , you might also leave...😩 so wait patiently...

[pooper89]

He's definitley not over his ex. You're a rebound to him. Run away

[KDria]

I agree with the comments saying to give it some time. I don't think he would be with you if he didn't love you so ignore those comments. He needs to get over that relationship most likely he will need to talk to her and realize why that relationship didn't work out so he can't move forward 100%

[Morrioghan]

Patience. I am sure he is disappointed how his previous relationship ended. Give him time to regain his dignity. And heaven-forbid, don't bring this up to him! Be kind to him, he needs your kindness.
If he won't change his ways later, you can quit it, but don't make such demands in such a short term relationship, if you don't want him to run away.
And don't stalk his ex. It will just make it more painful, even so if he finds out.

[Sonjita]

Because you settled for less. You show him you have low standards so why would he put in more effort when he knows he doesn't have to. It's hard to fix it now, but it's not impossible. You have to teat yourself as a princess first if you want others to treat you that way. Good luck! :)

[Hidden_P]

Woah.

So from what your saying, you've been together 3 weeks and you expect to be going/have gone on holidays, films and restaurants? No offence love but unless you have a date per day (even that) you are lucky to smash that.

Stop comparing yourself to his ex. I mean did they have sex after date 3? Did that date take 7 months? Yours took 3 days? WHY hasn't HE BANGED YOU same argument.

Chill the fuck out.

[Anonymous]

He has baggage. Generally after breaking up from a relationship your suppose to have settled whatever feelings or stuff with the ex. Because if you don't you ganna bring it in the next relationship and ruin it. It sounds like he got with while still emotionally attached to her. You need to talk to him.

[dannymexico90]

Yea because she probably treated him like shit and left him. That's how it is. You kind of realize how much you invested in a women and than she acted like you weren't shit to her. So next time you save your money and make the next one work for you.

[Dale1982]

Maybe she deserve to be treated like that and you don't in his eyes. You can't demand respect and to be treated special, you have to earn it. It amazes me the amount of people who think they just have to demand to be treated a certain. Thats not for you to decide that's for others.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

He probably feels burned by her. He might be different to you because he doesn't want to feel so invested in a relationship where he doesn't know whether there's a tomorrow for you two.

Give him time and make him feel like there is going to be a future between you two.

[Loveherbut]

So they just broke up three weeks ago which mean u just met him three weeks ago so what the hell are u expecting
Also if i were u i won't be involved with someone who just broke up because of the pressure of the society they are afraid to be alone so dont call him boyfriend yet

[akadatank44]

Dudes got issues. You are definitely a rebound. He ain't over his ex.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he rebounded from her to you. The problem is you're making yourself TOO available for him. Don't compare yourself to his ex, there's a reason WHY she's the ex. You shouldn't be the only one putting any effort into the relationship, and he shouldn't treat you anything less than a gentleman would treat a lady he has respect for. If the relationship is as new as you say, be patient and see what happens. But also be aware that it might have started a little too soon after his breakup with her and technically he might be emotionally unavailable.