Please help, I haven't contacted my ex for over a month and I was wondering if this is the best way to talk?

We have only spoken a few times since we broke up a few months again and it's been very bitter on his behalf and the last text from me was a little mean also so I stopped texting him.
Now does saying 'Hey, can we talk' sound okay?
and then somewhere into the conversation saying ' I'm sorry for the past, and for being immature when we were together and emotional' Will that make any difference? See he was my bestfriend for years prior to dating and we were together a long time, and we want to be in each other's lives, I want him to back right now because I'm hurting but he said only in the future bc I stress him out.. which is unfair as he broke up with me by just blocking me and cut me off completely, I didn't even know we broke up until a week later..

Updates:
We broke up because we were arguing a lot at the end of our relationship

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What Guys Said 3

  • Striking a conversation with that is ok. Sounds like he was pretty overloaded with your previous style, happened to me too and I reacted the same way to prevent unreasonable chaos coming to me and deal with it while it was just the comfort of my ex to go this way. It is unfair. So if you say sorry for that, thats a thing. I you can keep yourself from turning again into that, that is the important part and the bargain chip. Very important. He doesn't want the stuff that comes from being close to you... any hurt you feel. So if you feel strong and able to lead through the conversations, do it, but better to not be unprepared for a rejection. He was hurt a long time, and he has the right to do it. Maybe just for a relatively big pause, but he knows he wants to manage it.

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    • See the thing is, even though I was crushed when he left I was glad in a way because it allowed me to see the mistakes I was making and allowed me to make those changes and grow as a person. I went from being depressed and I picked myself up and got on with it. I am able to have a conversation with him, I'm always calm and nice whenever I talk to him, but the last time my emotions got the better of me due to the frustration of him keeping me hanging. So what do you suggest the best thing I can do? What else could I say to him so that he knows because I have mentioned my feelings a lot of times and he doesn't seem to understand and has always been bitter. I usually text him every week or two but I just left him alone this time for a month, I'm afraid that he will have completely forgotten about me or won't want to talk after what I said last..

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    • We both made mistakes and we both contributed to the failures. At the moment all want to do is just talk to him and have a calm civil conversation like catch up and not talk about our relationship or serious stuff, I don't want it to cause any drama which he associates me with. I just don't know how to approach him or ways in which I can show him that...

    • Well, because there is no special way to it in my opinion. You want to talk with him, and that is what you need to show. For him the special will be that you don't do anything else ranging out of this bound. I wish you luck, because with some of my exes I have good relationship, but not with this history.

  • we don't know any of the activities/events leading to the break up. So I believe it's hard for anyone to contribute...

    If you hurt him enough, it's possible he just wants to move on... again, can't be certain without knowing the prior events...
    All you can do is learn from your past and not repeat the negativities in the future...

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    • Well actually he hurt me by cheating on me a while ago but I forgave him for that. But the events leading to the break up was me arguing with him a lot

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    • Question.. you still want to get back with him, fully aware that he might jump into someone elses bed again?

      Also, if you've made all the efforts at your end. You should just bury it to be frank. As you can't force him or make him feel obligated to return the favour.

      I know you could possibly misconstrue what I'm saying as super negative. It is what it is though.

      You've done nowt wrong from what you've mentioned. so ball is in his court, I would merely suggest you don't play his game...

    • It wasn't physical cheating. But I understand what you're saying.. but I have hurt him as well and I also contributed to the failure of our relationship. I know I can't force him but ever since our break up I've been messaging him constantly I guess I haven't ever given him space so that's why I'm doing this and I haven't communicated at all. I just don't know if he will respond or not

What Girls Said 2

  • Yikes! I would definitely advise against writing him. The last thing you want to do is have him hurt your feelings even more. The way he broke up with you really shows how immature he is. You don't need someone like that in your life. Your best bet is to enjoy being single, work on yourself and make yourself available for the next guy. There's always someone just as nice or better out there for you. An ex is an ex for a reason. It didn't work out.

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  • Personally, I would give it some more time with no contact. But if you insist on talking I suggest writing someone that shows more confidence and less weakness or emotion. You want to make him want to talk to you not be afraid of being faced with drama and emotion.
    You could imply ask if he'd like to go for a drink to catch up but I would definitely give it some more time.

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    • I can't do that because we don't live in the same place otherwise none of this would be happening right now. So all I can do is text... Okay I agree with you and I'd like to do that, I don't want to across as drama and emotion so what's the best way for me to approach him? I was thinking of say hey can we talk and midway into our conversation apologise for the past and for being immature and emotional. But I'm afraid he may not respond

    • Perhaps a phone call would be best at a time when you know he won't be busy or with people

    • He wouldn't answer a phone call if we've been broken up.. my best bet is text

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