Please I need a lot of help. What would you respond to this text with?

My ex and I broke up months ago, in that time I have made a lot of postitive changes in my life both physically and mentally. I realised my own mistakes, but I also learned new things and became more mature. I learned that I don't need someone to be happy so instead of begging I began defending myself. So my ex completely cut off contact with me when we broke up and things happened and we spoke and had a conversation which he ended by saying' I'll talk to you some other time' when we had a conversation and I kept thinking about how much he hurt me then a few weeks later I was tired of being played with so I sent him this massive text saying make a decision if you want to be a part of my life/friends and he said ' In the future not anytime soon, you stress me out and cause shit in my life'
I don't understand because what's the difference between soon or in the future? It just prolongs my suffering... so I stopped contacting him and now I want to initate it by saying hey can we talk but I'm afraid he may not answer after our last texts


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What Guys Said 3

  • yeah, you need to purge him completely. Before deciding if he is still good enough for you. Positive self improvement is never something that feels achieved unless the motivation was for the wrong reasons. Though wrong motivations or not, the fact you are working on yourself, is the key to the self-love that you need to fill the space he's left emotionally and be continually better off as time goes by. So leave him to be him and take your time to be you. And if nothing more happens between you down the track, the relationship would have still been a hugely positive landmark in your life.

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    • 7d

      I didn't change for him or with intention of getting him back. I changed for me and my future. I saw the mistakes I made and I didn't want to make them again wheather it be with him or someone else. I feel happy, stronger and better about myself, and I really love him and in life those rare connections are never broken together or not. I had a great friendship and relationship with him. I don't want to lose that over silly arguements or issues, people have bigger/deeper meaningful relationships than just that. I care because he's important to me, we were best friends for years prior to dating. That's what I want back, I'm not looking to get back together with him, I just want to establish a healthy friendship and start a fresh. It's not about finding a better person or someone else. It's about me and him and everything we had, even our friendship, nowadays to people relationships/friendships are indisposable. People just don't value them or work on them.. and let good people slip away

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    • 6d

      Yeah exactly!! Before I was doing it all wrong in my initial breakup but that's because I was hurting. I was impatient and needy. I just want to open that window and the rest is up to him. I was gonna say ' Hey, I was wondering if we can talk' how does that sound? The only thing about saying that is either no reply or 'what do you want to talk about' which I'm not sure how I could answer. i don't want to ask to be friends this time, I'll go with the flow and let him make his own decision. You're so helpful thank you so much.

    • 6d

      You're welcome, and should be proud of what you've achieved regardless of what happens. It takes strength to recognise your flaws and take positive action against them. Many people lack the insight. Good luck 😊

  • First of all you are saying after breakup you hava made improments in you life and made positive changes both physically and mentally further you admit that you dont need sny one to keep you happy rather you are confident enough to make life happier with you own will and wish, you ex thinks you make shit happen in his life and stress him out, now. let me ask. you why do want to be with himonce more is it becaue you are just telling your self you have changed but in reality its just you trying to satisfy your self that you are strong person but infact you are not or is it because you still need him to feel happiness of life whu? see its your life dont mess it, why want any of this when you can habe better life. Be confident and for i wo7ld not text him rather close the chapter and start new one. by the way i m not trying to be rude or harsh just my opinion

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    • 7d

      I didn't change for him or with intention of getting him back. I changed for me and my future. I saw the mistakes I made and I didn't want to make them again wheather it be with him or someone else. I feel happy, stronger and better about myself, and I really love him and in life those rare connections are never broken together or not. I had a great friendship and relationship with him. I don't want to lose that over silly arguements or issues, people have bigger/deeper meaningful relationships than just that. I care because he's important to me, we were best friends for years prior to dating. That's what I want back, I'm not looking to get back together with him, I just want to establish a healthy friendship and start a fresh. It's not about finding a better person or someone else. It's about me and him and everything we had, even our friendship, nowadays to people relationships/friendships are indisposable. People just don't value them or work on them.. just let good people slip away

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    • 6d

      Yeah that's exactly what I'm trying to do, I've tried a lot with him and he doesn't seem to understand but I felt that's maybe because our break up was still fresh so now I have let him be and no contact and will initate our conversation but I'm just worried of how he'll think of me after my last text to him. It's frustrating for me because I'm suffering, and all I want to do is fix it and doing that alone can be hard. It's nice when someone else would realise and make the effort.. Like it's not fair for him to say in the future and not talk to me again? That hurts and plays with my feelings.

    • 6d

      As long as u love him it does not matter how he feels if you initiate first and make him realize that you care for him love him and you made some mistakes, admitting ones mistakes is a brave attitude may be he then relalize the feeling u have for him. Like they say every thing is fair in love and war, and it does hurt i have been there and felt the same the only difference was i only realized when i lost some one near to heart just because i was unable to see then purity and intensity of love and care and took it as granted rather then being blessed. So. go. for your love give it a try, its not some thing that comes lby onces a life time at least you won't blame your self for whatever comes like i do. Some one has to take the first step if not him then better be you.

  • no no no no. he is your ex it's over. you need to move on because he probably doesn't want anything from you anymore.

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    • 7d

      I didn't change for him or with intention of getting him back. I changed for me and my future. I saw the mistakes I made and I didn't want to make them again wheather it be with him or someone else. I feel happy, stronger and better about myself, and I really love him and in life those rare connections are never broken together or not. I had a great friendship and relationship with him. I don't want to lose that over silly arguements or issues, people have bigger/deeper meaningful relationships than just that. I care because he's important to me, we were best friends for years prior to dating. That's what I want back, I'm not looking to get back together with him, I just want to establish a healthy friendship and start a fresh. It's not about finding a better person or someone else. It's about me and him and everything we had, even our friendship, nowadays to people relationships/friendships are indisposable. People just don't value them or work on them and would rather let good slip

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    • 7d

      But he's playing games because he says he doesn't want to be friends just not now.. it's hard to explain, because he's not one to be friends with any ex's in fact he hates them with a passion but with me it's always been different, he still talks sometimes and expresses care and that he wants to be friends, but he's an asshole and takes me for granted bc he knows I'll always be there for him

    • 6d

      you don't go back to an asshole. stop being there for him. if he usually cuts his ex girlfriends of then you are an ex so you need to stop talking to him.

What Girls Said 2

  • hi, if im reading it correctly and you are mis reading it from a state of what your brain wants to see or believe. In the future NOT anytime soon, to me that makes a very clear statement and if i was you my self dignity and pride and belief in the positive changes i had made, i wouldn't show one more ounce of interest. If im brutal you seem to have a self belief on one hand about his hurt towards and moving on yeah great then chasing him desperate for a glimmer of reconciliation. im struggling to understand why because im not convinced you are in need of him or really want him back, so whats the play? xx

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    • 7d

      I didn't change for him or with intention of getting him back. I changed for me and my future. I saw the mistakes I made and I didn't want to make them again wheather it be with him or someone else. I feel happy, stronger and better about myself, and I really love him and in life those rare connections are never broken together or not. I had a great friendship and relationship with him. I don't want to lose that over silly arguements or issues, people have bigger/deeper meaningful relationships than just that. I care because he's important to me, we were best friends for years prior to dating. That's what I want back, I'm not looking to get back together with him, I just want to establish a healthy friendship and start a fresh. It's not about finding a better person or someone else. It's about me and him and everything we had, even our friendship, nowadays to people relationships/friendships are indisposable. People just don't value them or work on them.. and let good people slip away

  • For me the easiest way for me to get over my ex was to get angry at him for what he did and to stop feeling sorry for him and like I own him anything. When two people break up, it's almost never completely one-sided. Even when someone cheats on the other person, the other person may have been neglectful or otherwise wrong in some way which led the person to cheat. So there are always 2 sides. Your ex and you both did things right and did things wrong. I do not think you should speak to him, because it's over and you don't owe him anything. I think you should just view him as a manipulator and jerk and move on. I tried to be friends with my ex bc he guilt tripped me so much and after I left him, for very good reasons, I felt sorry for him. And even as friends I felt sorry for him and almost got lured back to being with him. Then I finally got pissed and said that is it and I haven't talked to him in months now. He is negative energy in my life and pulls me back. And I feel like you need to wait for this guy to come to you, not the other way around.

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    • 6d

      I didn't change for him or with intention of getting him back. I changed for me and my future. I saw the mistakes I made and I didn't want to make them again wheather it be with him or someone else. I feel happy, stronger and better about myself, and I really love him and in life those rare connections are never broken together or not. I had a great friendship and relationship with him. I don't want to lose that over silly arguements or issues, people have bigger/deeper meaningful relationships than just that. I care because he's important to me, we were best friends for years prior to dating. That's what I want back, I'm not looking to get back together with him, I just want to establish a healthy friendship and start a fresh. It's not about finding a better person or someone else. It's about me and him and everything we had, even our friendship, nowadays to people relationships/friendships are indisposable. People just don't value them or work on them.. and let good people slip away

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