Fell for a loner, He wants me back.. Help?

So I fell for a 'loner' a few months ago.
I gave him ample space and went at the pace I thought he was comfortable with.

It moved very fast for both us and stupidly we both went with it for 2 months.

He cancelled a weekend away we had booked the day before and let me down a week later to meet up as 'friends'.

Forward 3 months.. were in contact, He's apologised and been honest with me.
But I don't think he can give me the support and emotion I'd need from a partner (I've told him this and that if he wants something enough he'll get it.. no one can do the work for him) also that I can't fix the anxiety he has, he needs to do that for himself etc etc..

He replied with he wants to be a better person and he felt he was around me.. and that he wants me.

Do I run now before he let's me down again. I just don't know?
I've been really hurt in the past by exes and he's let me down already...

Can a loner change his ways and step up to the plate?

when I say loner I mean.. he's never had an adult relationship because he pushed people away, buries all of his worries, isn't close to anyone and doesn't do well with emotion or confronration. Lives the loner lifestyle.

I'm also worried that I'm his only option, because he finfmds it hard meeting new people.. im worried I'm his only option too.
Nobody wants to be 'that's all I have so why not' girl...

Help...

  • Run for the hills.. He's done it once, he'll do it again
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  • If he's not capable now of dealing with a relationship then he never will be
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  • Give it time, Even though I'm opening up for it to continue like that
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  • Do nothing, He needs to prove his salt now
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What Guys Said 5

  • There's no telling. Everyone's different, and this guy is a bit of a challenge you know?
    You might be the last girl he gets close to, or maybe the next one would be years down the road.. Who knows. But you shouldn't think about that, there's only one thing anyone really needs out of a relationship... Is he good for you? Would you be okay with marrying him one day? And are you good for him?
    If you don't end up staying with him, at least try to help him overcome his emotional distance issues-- That's not a way to live... That's just a way to exist.

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    • I can say that 1 out of 3 of those questions is definite. the other 2 I'm not so sure.

      I know it's no way to live but he's 30+ so this has been a choice he's made up until now.

      Opinion: Do you think he's saying this because I'm his only option because he's a loner or does he really want me?

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    • What I was going for is if someone's single up until they're thirty; never having even dated in their entire life, there's usually a reason. Your mom won't fit in that category because she obviously had you kids. I wouldn't count getting divorced or widowed as a bad trait on someone.
      And I don't know the history of your sister either, but I'd assume she hasn't been single her whole life.. well, unless she has. She could be a nun for all I know. When I said it's 'for a reason' I didn't mean it's always a 'bad reason.'

    • Obviously not everyone gets married at the same ages or anything... it's not that uncommon for people to be single at any stage in their life, there's just usually some type of history behind it.. I hope I've cleared that up a little.

  • I don't really know what to say, I really feel like you should give him another chance but then again, you already gave him 2 months. I think you should give him a chance but don't expect any change so that it doesn't bother you if he hasn't changed. Maybe he's​ never been as close to anyone else as he was with you so he only has confidence in you, you could really be the person who helps him out of his 'loner' situation.

    I'm saying this with experience of being kind of a loner myself. I don't talk to a lot of people because I feel like an outcast, I have interests that are very rare so I think people will call me crazy if I discuss my interests with them. But, if I do find someone who is willing to understand me completely and at least trying to take interest in what I have to say, I'll gladly consider that person close. This could be the situation with the guy you're​talking about so yeah, give him a chance I say. :)

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    • I hear what your saying.. but I've spent the majority of my adult life so far giving people the benefit of the doubt.. i need to be selfish for once.
      Yes I like him a lot but what I think about him has changed and don't willingly want to get let down again x

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    • That's what I was thinking.. your head tells you one thing and the heart the other..
      I think head wins in this case thanks x

    • You're welcome! Glad I could help. 😊

  • I've just messaged you

    Who is this guy, really?

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  • Do nothing, He needs to prove his salt now

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  • never understood that. why do loners think they want relationships?

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What Girls Said 2

  • I say that you did this to yourself. You know that he is the type to be to himself, why try to bring him out of his shell because of his looks, and mysterious personality. That's the real reason why you were with him. You feel for the mysterious ALURE of him. I'm sorry to say this, but this is not his fault. This is yours. You know that he is different. Things were moving for too fast. And it's best to end it. He needs to find somebody who is NATURALLY at his pace, and you just need to find somebody who can give you what you need.

    "when I say loner I mean.. he's never had an adult relationship because he pushed people away, buries all of his worries, isn't close to anyone and doesn't do well with emotion or confronration. Lives the loner lifestyle."

    I'm the exact same way 100%. But this is philophobia with him. You know he never had a relationship. Why push him? Take responsibility for this. He is not ready for that. He already feels like crap. Just let him go. You two are not compatible. In fact, this is why he stayed by himself. Because of this very same situation. And one of the main reasons why I'm celibate today. Stop pushing him.

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  • Maybe he just needs attention. Maybe he wants to feel wanted? He's scared... maybe he needs someone cause this situation is almost like how my boyfriend was now we've been together two years. he didn't tell me his feelings he was closed off. I learned that his parents weren't there for him , he had family but they were never there for him

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