Girls, ever had a guy you were seeing send you a letter after you two split?

This girl and I dated for a few weeks and things were going really well, like I've never had things go better before or felt more of a connection with anyone before. She said she felt the same and considering everything she would tell me and how she behaved around me, I believe her. She ended up breaking things off because she wasn't ready to date seriously having just gotten out of a long serious relationship weeks prior to us dating.

She said it was only bad timing and that she really and truly cares about me and wants to try again in the future. I know it sounds like the typical excuse but this girl did everything she could to convince me that she was telling the truth. Even after we split we continued our date for 7 hours and she was telling me how she's never felt that way about a guy before and that I was the perfect guy for her, she even had a serious conversation with me about our future babies. I won't go into all of the details, but it was clear she did her absolute best for me to not misunderstand her feelings towards me and she wanted us to stay in contact witth each other.

I contacted her a few days later asking to meet up because she was being silly if that's how she really felt about me. She asked for space so I gave her some thinking she'd contact me if she wanted to talk, but she never did. I tagged her on a fb post 3 months later (a month ago) and she blocked me. I have no idea why. Anyway, I can't forget this girl, I've never felt that type of chemistry before and I completely fell in love with her. I have written a letter and was thinking of sending it to her. Terrible idea or not?

Updates:
Well I just dropped of the letter at her place. i wanted to just mail it but I couldn't remember her apartment number, I found her mailbox though. Not going to lie, I'm sweating like a pig hahaha. I'll give an update if I hear back from her. Thanks for all your responses, didn't think I was going to do it but it was 5 for yea and 2 for no so fuck it.
Well it's been almost a week and nothing's changed. Oh well, pretty much expected this to happen, knew it was one in a million. On the bright side I actually feel better and have really gotten my closure. Now I know that what we had was meaningless to her, so there's no point in me being down over someone who doesn't care about me. Never met anyone who was more full of shit than she was, so I didn't lose anyone worth having anyway. I know the type of person I am and it's her loss.

1|0
21

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 21

  • I'm surprised so many women are telling you to send it. It's not a good idea, given everything you mentioned in your very last paragraph about how she has treated your attempts at contact. To me, she has made it clear she doesn't want to hear from you. I've learned the hard way to take things people say to you in terms of a break up or not wanting to go out with you with a grain of salt. You have to read between the lines and not just focus on the positive/encouraging, which is what you'll always want to see.

    I've actually been in your shoes, not on the receiving end, and it's not anything that ever ended up well or how I'd want it to. Women like stuff like this in theory, but in practice they always seem to think it's creepy, stalkerish, disrespectful of boundaries or some other embarrassingly (for you) negative thing. So, I really cringe in thinking about you sending her a letter after she has already asked for "space" AND blocked you. I understand how you feel, and she might feel the same... but whether she does or not, she seems determined to not ACT like she feels the same. You're going to have to deal with your feelings on your own and let time do its thing.

    3|2
    0|0
    • Thanks and I understand where you're coming from. I already sent it so it's already over. I have been thinking about this for a while and it just got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I've never had that type of chemistry before and yes I've been in loving long term relationships before and have had plenty of flings, so I couldn't just let her go, not after all the things she told me. She's that person for me that I'll always wonder what could have been for the rest of my life. I couldn't move on without knowing I did everything I could you know? Even if I don't hear from her, which tbh I really don't expect to I would be better off than if I never sent that letter since I'll finally have some closure and know for a fact that she lied to me and strung me along. So I didn't just write that letter to win her over, but to also allow myself to move on from her.

  • I respect that fact your not going to give up on somebody you like or maybe even love so easily... but to me it sounds like she's still in contact with her ex or maybe met somebody else... all I can say is you tried and you did your due diligence to not let a love slip away... you can feel good that you didn't give up.:: now if she doesn't want you , she doesn't want you , but at least you know you tried... the rest is just waiting and seeing... don't hold on if she doesn't want you though... let it go and know you tried

    1|2
    0|0
    • I did this as closure for myself as well. It's been months and I've dated other girls and have made some pretty big positive changes in my life and yet she'd still always be in my head and I'd basically dream of her every night. I just couldn't let this girl go, not after all she told me and how she treated me, I've never fallen harder for someone before and to have that person ditch the moment things get real is a difficult thing to overcome. I feel so much better now and it feels like all this weight has been lifted :). It finally feels like I've gotten closure. Also, I have my suspicion that she was seeing someone else before we started dating even though she had just broken up with her ex weeks prior, pretty sure they she was cheating on her ex with this other person and then "cheated" on her with me (put in "..." because I don't think they were official). I'm just going off random clues and hints though, but it's really not far fetched.

  • She was clearly full of it, at least to an extent: she wanted to string you along until you became convenient, and when you didn't go away she cut the strings. She's moved on dude. I wouldn't have given her the time of day after that.

    1|2
    0|0
    • Yea you're almost definitely right, but to me she was THAT person that people mention as the one that got away. Whether her feelings were there or not doesn't change how I felt/feel about her so I needed to do this for my own closure and piece of mind if that makes sense. Now I can forget about her and move on with my life knowing I did everything I could.

  • yup, my ex sent me a 'letter' (or FB message) a few months after we broke up in which he apologized for some of the things he'd done.

    Honestly, it didn't make me feel any better. I was already over him and.. yeah. Receiving that from him didn't make me view him in a better light, make me miss him, or anything of that sort.

    0|1
    0|0
    • The thing is though, I didn't do anything wrong with her. She basically freaked out because things were going so well and she didn't feel ready because she had just gotten out of a relationship. She literally spent over 30min reassuring me that she had very strong feelings for me but the timing is just shit and she needed to find herself again because she hated who she had become at the end of her relationship. She wouldn't even let me leave at the end of her breakup, she was crying and hugging me because she didn't want me to go. We then continued the date for like 7 hours in which she basically made me out to sound as if I was her soulmate. I just feel like if there's even a 1% chance she was being genuine it's worth the risk because I've never fell harder for anyone else before and I highly doubt I ever will.

    • ok um.. yeah. She probably just felt bad for not being emotionally ready, but liking you as a person overall.

      Try not to read into it too much- whatever her 'true feelings' were, she still turned you down. So take it at face value.

    • yea that's true, just sucks that the girl I've fallen most for in my life led me to believe she felt the same then drop my ass like this. Whatever, never reaching out to her ever again if I don't hear back from her. It's for the best either way, I'd finally be able to move on from her which I really look forward to.

  • Well my ex technically broke up with me without telling me. Months later i get a letter from him saying he's in military school or some crap. Then he gives a bunch of randoms there my address. Next thing i know, he's writing me telling me i deserve better. Suddenly, 5 diff guys are mailing love letters to my house every other weekend. I was pissed

    0|1
    0|0
  • Can't hurt. You're already blocked. But if there's no response, don't reach out again, don't drive by her appt and don't internet stalk. Good luck.

    1|2
    0|0
    • I'm definitely not going to ever reach out again, as far as I'm concerned at this point it's completely over unless I hear back from her.

    • In the meantime, just live your life.

  • Nooope. Don't give her a letter. Respect her wishes if she does not want contact with you. If someone breaks up then usually it is on absolute terms. Why would someone, after all put themselves through the emotional turmoil of going through with a break up? Nobody gets a kick out of crushing the emotions of others.

    She very well might have meant they things she said. But they may have been the product of their time. Feelings, unfortunately do change. Or she got herself in over her head with the idea of a romance that she wasn't thinking very clearly.

    It's possible, her telling you should would maybe contact you if she felt like she wanted to talk was trying to spare your feelings. Giving you some kind of false hope, which is... unforgivable, admittedly, and if it's true you should regard it as such.

    But now If she was now at the point where she is willing to block you then she is logically is either over you or desperately wants to be over you.

    But to answer the question, yes. I have had a letter like that. It was one of the most needlessly pathetic things I had ever read. Didn't gain any new respect for him and it just made me angry to not have my wishes respected.

    0|0
    0|0
  • don't hold on to too much hope here, it seems like she isn't interested any more

    What did the letter say?

    0|1
    0|0
    • No I'm done with her now, not holding onto any hope or planning on ever reaching out to her. I actually feel so much better now and it feels like I've had a huge load off my shoulders. I guess it was the last bit of closure I needed to move on since she left me out to dry like that. If she doesn't respond I just see it as she lied and used me for her own benefit and moving on from someone like that is fairly easy. I have no concerns of the letter being good or bad, it says exactly what I wanted it to say and that's all that matters to me. If you're really curious I can pm it to you :).

  • I don't think it will hurt you if you send it. You guys are not even in contact at the moment so nothing will change. Leave her be, she won't contact you. Send her the letter and it gives you a possibility she will. I'd give it a try honestly.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think that sounds like a very good idea and very sweet. Strange that she hasn't kept in contact. It could be some kind of misunderstanding or mistake. If you feel the way you say and she does as well I think a letter is a good idea. Being in love is rare and a beautiful feeling and if that's how you feel giving it your best efforts is a good plan. You don't want to regrets. Best of luck to you and the lucky girl. Hope you guys work it out and are very happy together.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Do I know you? If it's who I think it is cause it's sticking me as extremely odd looking at some different things. Then this will make sense. Don't live there so I can't get it and what the hell. Making someone feel crazy like I have is cruel.

    • Show All
    • OK it's nothing sorry.

    • sorry too, would have been great if I was that guy and you were her haha, would have been a real fairytale ending haha.

  • this exact same thing happened to me once (except the blocking you part) we were so madly in love with each other but it just didn't work out, anyway we tried again years later and things were going great until they were even worse than the first time, but I don't regret any of it, we just had to try, it just makes me sad cuz I haven't felt that way for anyone ever since, and I'm afraid I never will

    1|1
    0|0
    • I just don't get it, she was telling me she was falling for me by date 3, telling memshe wants me to stay with her forever, to never leave her, etc. On that last date after she had broken things off she just went so overboard with beijgnlovey dovey, it just doesn't make sense for someone to make pretend like that or for it to even be possible. What do you think, is the letter a terrible idea? I can pm you the letter if you'd like.

    • I think its a good idea but you should really back off after that, I mean its not good for you to continue like this, and sure you can pm the letter☺

  • That's like the cutest thing ever! I hope it all works out for you! 🤞🏼 Fingers crossed!

    0|1
    1|0
    • thanks!

    • I am so very sorry that she didn't respond. I hope she got the letter. Hugs! 🤗 I hope you start to feel better soon.

  • Nope

    0|1
    0|0
  • Why don't you send me that letter I will give you a very straight forward honest opinion about it.

    1|1
    0|0
  • It was a long text

    0|1
    0|0
  • She honestly might give a restraining order, but thats fine at least you tried and if it worked good for you.

    0|0
    1|0
    • I honestly wouldn't care since I don't plan on ever contacting her again if she doesn't reply back.

  • I don't think it is a good idea honestly, and with how you are describing her reactions to you it sounds like she isn't interested anymore. She could feel guilty about something that happened during or after the relationship. She could be creeped out about your advances or continuing feelings. Maybe she is trying to get back with her ex and still had feelings for him during your relationship or had feelings for someone else.

    To me it doesn't sound like a good idea, it sounds like an idea just not a good one. Writing the letter is probably a good thing for you to do mentally and emotionally. Just sending it might not be the best option. It could result in a restraining order (worst case scenario) or just kicking you out of her life entirely. Best case scenario she starts talking to you again, but I don't think it will happen

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well it's already sent so nothing I can do now. She's already out of my life so it's not like it could get any worse and even if she gets a restraining order I'd honestly just find it hilarious and it would just prove that she's super unstable considering all the things she said and how she acted around me after she broke things off. She broke things off then basically made me sound as if I was her soulmate and that we'd be together and have a family and all that. When she broke things off I thought she was full of shit, but she did and said everything she could to make convince me she wasn't. I literally told her that I thought she wasn't being truthful amd that she just wasn't interested in me and gave her a way out but she dove head first at trying to prove how much she cared about me. Also, I don't have a desire to ever reach out to her again. I needed closure because she didn't give me that and this way at least I'll know once and for all where she stands.

  • Sounds like a typical serial monogamist, or a relationship jumper to me.

    They cannot do single, even when it's required to fixed personal flaws that they really need to work on. No matter how unhappy, they won't leave a relationship unless they've got someone else lined up to move on to. The only exceptions to that rule are when their lives are in danger, or the other person leaves them.

    When they start dating again, they go into each date assuming that this person is going to marry them before they've even truly gotten to know you, and they give you their all, until they've narrowed down their options and chosen the one they really want, they quickly dump and ghost on all the others.

    They're usually very open with real feelings from day one, leaving you wanting for the mystery you think they're hiding behind, because no one is ever that honest.

    Sure, she really wanted all those things, and could have taken them happily with you, if the others weren't more her type, sure she's never felt the way she felt for you before, because she's never met you before.

    Take it from me, because this was me.

    0|2
    0|0
    • Thanks for your input! I have my theory that she was seeing someone else while dating me as well and that she kept it a secret even though she could have just told me since I was dating others when we first met too and even had friends with benefits set ups (I went from having 3 girls to zero overnight... fun times). Also, all the girls knew I was seeing others so I wasn't cheating. I dropped the other 2 girls after my first date with this girl. Anyway, I'm pretty sure she was seeing another girl before I started dating her, possibly had been cheating on her ex boyfriend with her for a few weeks or months prior to the breakup. It's just a theory though and it does add up. I am moving soon and I think that's what swayed her decision. Either way, I've gotten my closure and feel free and ready to fully move on so I think the letter was a good idea irregardless of her response.

  • I guess if you want to send a letter, but I think she may not be worth your time..

    0|1
    0|0
    • That's what I'm thinking too... I'm completely split on this. On one hand I really care aboit her and want to be with her and on the other hand should I really be with someone who's willing to do something like this to me when I seriously didn't deserve it. She ghosted me for almost a month and the date before she ghosted me she asked me to walk her to work because she wanted to soend as much time with me as possible and that she wanted me to stay with with her forever and that she never wants me to leave me then she just disappears. It just makes no sense and it really fucked with my head to say the least. What if she pulls the same thing later on, I don't know it's such a shit situation.

    • Show All
    • It's up to you, but I would cut her off..

    • yea I know I should, it's one of those things where the brain says no and the heart says yes.

  • Send it. It's a wonderful idea! I'm composing one as well..

    0|1
    0|0
    • I'm thinking it's not the best idea at this point. She blocked for a reason, I should respect that and also respect myself enough to not chase someone who's mistreated me and pushed me away.

    • Show All
    • That's not true. Sometimes people don't say anything to the other because they are afraid of how that person will react. Doesn't mean that everything that was said, is bullshit. Just means they're afraid. Now I don't know what happened here. Your whole story and situation, but i can speak from an angle, as someone who is afraid.
      And the blame game, doesn't suit anyone. Let go of the grudges and the hurt. Forgive.

    • 6d

      Sorry for your loss

  • no. who sends letters? people text and stalk each other on social media these days

    0|2
    0|0
    • like I said, she blocked me for no reason whatsoever. Did you read the whole thing?

    • Show All
    • @Reach500 hahaha funny and also makes me feel like a sad creepy sap so thanks I guess?

    • lol, I don't think you're creepy or anything. It's actually kind of romantic. I just hope she's worth the effort..

Loading...