I have begun to see a pattern develop: every summer, my ex (we dated for 8 mos) contacts me out of nowhere, becomes instantly free to see me, we hang out and before I know it, he is gone. Of course after we broke up (I broke up with him), we talked a bit until I cut all ties. By chance, we ran into each other at a party (the summer of the year we broke up) which opened many doors (no, we did not hook up and we have not since we dated). After that, I became his rock. He came to me for every major problem. First, he couldn't handle college and I ended up visiting him, only to leave feeling defeated. Fast forwarding ahead to summer after-- he contacts me again. After seeing a movie, he decides to extend the visit. He is kind as can be, complementing me on recent achievements (getting accepted to an ivy league school, etc), basically boosting my self confidence. Unfortunately, I find it odd and uncomfortable than flattering. We end up talking until 3am and I learn of his extremely destructive behavior (drug abuse). When we part ways, he says he wants to do it again. We don't talk until a year later. This summer, same time-- I receive a text. He wants to hang out and soon. Although, I have made a vow to never speak to him again, I cave. Exactly like last time, we see a movie. Afterward, as I am walking towards to my car, he asks if I want to come over. I do. We end up sitting at the opposite end of the couch as I, afraid of the potential of uncomfortable silence, talk as if I am on speed. I apologize but he replies with "It's fine. I like it." Fast forward 5 hours, its 3am again and I'm still at his house. During that time, he lets me know he overdosed, withdrew, and overdosed again. He also spends time checking me out as we chat. He tells me he wants to see me again and would like me to meet his friends. I leave. The next week I contact him. I had lent him something and I needed it back. He doesn't respond to my texts but finally he does after I send him a very direct and perturbed message. He just doesn't want to give me it back but also wants to spend some time with me. Simply put, it was the same as last time but in a 30 minute time period rather than a span of 5 hours. He walks me to my car and when I leave, I say "I guess I will see you next summer". His reply "Let me know when you're around here, we can hang out again." I reply with a "maybe" and I turn away and walk to my car. Obviously this isn't all of it but I've already written a short story. What I don't get is why he keeps doing this? Why tell me about how fckd up (yet amazing) his life is? I'm not going to endorse it nor sympathize. Why act so interested in seeing me and then when the time comes act listless and unaffected by it? I don't understand or know what he wants from me.
Why does my ex contact me out of the blue, only to tell me about all of his troubles?
*And speaking to him is painful, he is boring and depressing and makes me want to jump out of my skin-- Why has he gotten this way?...Or maybe he has always been boring, who knows.
I have always felt and will always feel a sort of competitive vibe between him. It seems as if his life goal is to 1up me. And I am fully aware that he is a negative influence on my life and a user. I am fully capable of letting go but deep down I can't.
What Guys Said 1
disconnect from your ex...stop communicating and don't give him any chance of being able to talk to you either0
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