I dated a girl for just under a year. It was a long distance relationship and we only saw each other every other weekend. Still the relationship seemed to do really well and we communicated with each other every day. About 6 months in I realized how much I loved this girl and really wanted to move things to the next level. We talked about her moving in with me and planned on doing this in a few months. One night I made an idiot mistake and like a jack ass ended up having sex with another girl. Afterward I felt terrible for what I had done and even though she would never have found out I told her about it. I expressed I was sorry for my actions but she wouldn't have it. I was cheated on once and completely understand where she was coming from. For all you haters, yes I know I am a complete d*** and don't deserve her. After I told her we spoke less and less and eventually she asked me to no longer contact her. That was an extremely difficult time period in my life, I really felt she was the one and wanted to be with her long term. 6 months went by and I did everything I could to move on, dates, getting rid of everything that reminded me of her, etc. It hasn't worked and I still miss her, feel like there is an emptiness inside me. Suddenly one morning I get this email about how she misses me and thinks about me every day but she knows we can't be together. She made mention that she had dated other people but it sounded as if it wasn't going well. So I responded saying hi, sorry to hear things are not the best. I think of you too, and if you want to talk I am here. 4 days go by with no response so I send another email just saying hi, nothing else. She responds by saying she realized it was a mistake to email me. My question is what does this mean and what is going through her head? I'd give anything to have another shot with her and this is really confusing. Why email me in the first place and why say she thinks about me every day? If I was thinking about someone and missing them everyday I would welcome the chance to talk but of course I am not in her shoes. My plan is just to leave it alone and see what happens with time. The hard part is trying to move on from the relationship when I didn't want it to end in the first place. Any thoughts from females out there that might understand what she is thinking?
Most Helpful Girl
Well, she's obviously thinking about you. She's probably going through highs and lows, having doubts, wishing you were still together... but then she probably realizes things would never be the same. As much as she might love you and want to be with you, she realizes that now she's going to be paranoid about you cheating again, she'll be insecure all the time... it'll just end up in her not being able to trust you, which is an obvious problem. As much as she may love you, she doesn't want to get hurt again.
It could be a mix of things, really. You could just leave it alone, or you could persist. It depends on whether you're willing to try it again and accept the consequences of that. Trying it again would mean chasing her down like a madman, convincing her the relationship is worth having again, and then be willing to put up with the possible strains it could have on your relationship. It's a long distance, so you better believe she'll be skeptical, insecure, and unable to fully trust you. Especially at first.
But if you do choose to try it again, and you accept the situation you'd put yourself in, in the process of convincing her you're going to know when to stop. Maybe she wants to be with you, but won't ever let herself no matter how much you convince her. If she repeatedly says "no" after you explain you're willing to make things better, and willing to put up with the possible trust issues at first and she still says no, just be honest with her and let her go. Let her know you're still open to the idea, really want to be with her but understand if she's not ready or doesn't want to. Just let her know she can contact you at any time about it, and leave it at that.
You just have to accept that there might be a chain on that door.