Girls: Have you missed an ex after dumping him and getting another boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Guys can answer too, but my question is whether there are any girls out there who have dumped a guy (for being clingy/needy or any reason) {not cheating or anything bad}. Then gotten a new boy friend. Despite being in a relationship with the new guy, 1) have you missed your ex a lot? and 2) gone back to the ex

3) if you missed him what did you do (say he refuses friendship stays NC, but you see him around town couple times a month or so)

4) if you did get back together how did it happen..what did you do...

Thanks a lot..

[love2help_help2love]

...(continued from below) which was "is there any point in trying to get you back, ie are you going to change your mind"? which at the time was an impossible question to answer and I didn't want to say yes/maybe and keep him hanging on so I said I have to say no because I can't answer so that's why... perhaps if he had things would have been different... Anyway, nothing really happened, I think he had his guard up from then, I tried to arrange get togethers but there was always excuses... then it kinda fizzled but I suggested spending Christmas together so we werent alone which we did... then Valentine's came and I sent him a card and received nothing... I don't really know what I expected after the way I just broke up with and left him, it must have been so hard for him, but I so wanted another chance that I had swallowed my pride and done everything I could to prove to him that I was serious about giving it another go but that's when I realized it wasn't happening (this was February 2010) so contact dwindled. I got the odd text from him once asking to pop round but I was going to work so I said no. Then I was out one night in summer and heard from an old work colleague of his (and mine) that he'd been seeing someone for "about a year" I was more angry than upset - not that he was with someone because he had every right to be, just that he couldn't be honest with me, after I had been so honest with him about my 'relationship'. He texted me about a month later saying he really needed company that night, I said I was busy (I wasnt) and I never saw him again until a couple of months after when I agreed to go round and have a catch up with him - id calmed down by then, I didn't want to see him when I was angry. It was only then that I found out that night he wanted to see me was the night before he was going in for a major operation - I felt so terrible, if only I could have turned back the clock. We talked for hours and it was so nice being in each others company - there was definitly still a spark there for both of us. He was saying things to me, nice things but it was hard to work out exactly what he was trying to say, I felt confused but at the same time I felt like I was over it because id spent since february telling myself it was done so when I left I felt like it was some kind of closure. That's the last time I saw him, we've exchanged a few texts about programmes we used to watch etc... Thing is, it's been almost 2 years since I broke up with my ex and for the past 6 months I've been thinking about him more and more to the point now where I think about him every day and the doubt I have about whether I made the right choice grows and grows. I miss him terribly. I've not laughed as much with anyone else as I did with him. Worst thing is not knowing how he feels about me anymore, whether he's with someone new... not sure I want to know. I sent him a birthday present and he thanked me so even after 2 years there's still contact & I still love him.

[Asker]

the guy is hurting too. even after this much time has gone by. I can guarantee this. the not knowing how he feels anymore.. its the same for him. he wonders it about you. he doesn't know what's going on in your life. he probably thinks you're laughing and stuff with someone else now. obviously he is upset at what happened and how you did it. he has self respect for not coming after you and begging for a second chance. chances that his "new" girl friend and him have a better relationship the

[Asker]

..then you are super slim. You are nuts for not telling him how you feel. you have nothing to lose. you hardly talk (less than acquaintances). So you have to tell him you love him and want him back. Either he will make that happen or at least he will know that its an option if/when he breaks up with chick. I really think you should totally tell him.

[Asker]

if he has chased you after break up..like he came to talk to you... what could he have said potentially that would have changed your mind? what should he have done you think and said..

[Asker]

did he start dating someone else soon after you broke up?

The reason I ask is because my ex is. And its been about 3 months wince we broke up. 1.5 of which is NC (latter half) initially tried to stay friends. Most of what I've read says do not chase her. But a part of me is wondering whether she wants me to or not. And if so, whether I should pursue her, tell her how I feel. I'm just a bit confused.

[irishfan86]

So I just have a few questions:

How did the ex "creep back in"?

What ultimately ended up happening?

Why did you lose the new feelings for the new guy and want your ex back?

I think my ex is going through the same thing you went through. I would love to hear your insight.

[Anonymous]

I broke up with my boyfriend in May 2009 so it's been nearly 2 years. We had been together for 3 years and were so in love. Nothing really bad happened in our relationship and nobody cheated (as far as I know...) but we had a few bad patches, people interfering, making up stories (I guess this happens when people say you're the perfect couple, people get jealous) and it left a bit of a dark cloud over the relationship... I found it hard to get back to 'where we were' at the beginning and I went through quite a depressive stage, found myself questioning where we were going and whether we were on different paths... I've analysed it over and over but I think it came to the point where I felt I needed to get out before it all crumbles around me and I ended up getting hurt. I'd started a new job and this guy started showing a lot of interest in me, it was refreshing and I thought I had feelings for him which made me feel guilty and question my own relationship so I decided that I had to end it (we lived together in his house). I never discussed my feelings with this new guy and I NEVER cheated, I wouldn't but I knew that it felt wrong to have those feelings and I guess the excitement and prospect of something new took over and I went home one day and ended it. I didn't tell him that I'd started having feelings for someone else because I didn't want to hurt his feelings and to be truthful it really wasn't the main reason - I felt like we'd been heading towards the break up for some time, that the relationship had gone stale - we'd become complacent and didn't do anything together anymore. So I broke up with him and left. He was devastated but when I was gone he never tried to come after me. He never tried to fight for me which only confirmed in my head that what I had done was right. I started seeing the new guy from work about a month later - at first I thought I was really in to him, I really fancied him and we got on well - looking back I think it was just a distraction. I felt terrible for breaking up with my ex and would cry when I thought about it so I used to just block him out of my thoughts. After about 3-4 months he'd started creeping back in and my feelings for this guy had become less and less, I realized I may have made a huge mistake. When the new guy told me he loved me I broke it off and decided to go back to my ex. I told him that I'd been seeing someone else - it broke his heart and he said he'd wished I never had told him but I had to be honest. I told him I regretted it and wished id never broke up with him. He said he still loved me but I could tell that what id done had crushed him. We hadn't bumped in to each other in between so when we saw each other the spark was still there. I asked why when I left why he never tried to come after me, never tried to fight for me (this was something id often asked myself and told myself that he can't have loved me that much if he hadn't)-he reminded me of a question he'd asked when I was leaving

[-StillWater-]

No, I've never missed an ex...I don't think they're worth it!

Hahahah Of course I missed an ex! xD

I miss everyone in life that meant something to me...but that I no longer see or hear from!

That's a human characteristic!

...but the thing to remember there is, I don't miss an ex for the reasons you might assume. When I miss an ex it's because I miss something familiar, I miss the deep, but often humorous conversations, I miss his laugh, I miss the comfort and the safety he provided me with. I miss the things I once knew.

And, all of this in terms of having a new boyfriend, I don't think I ever miss an ex boyfriend in that way...I miss him as a person, not as a boyfriend...

Hope I helped

*StillWater*

[Asker]

okay so you don't miss him enough to go back to basically. thanks for your answer. it was helpful.

[sassyg1rl]

1 - Yes, all people are different and we are attracted to different qualities in ppl.

2 - Yes, my first REAL love...it was scary to have such intense feelings for someone and I did go back to him after I broke up with him

3 - Talked to him when I saw him; we missed each other terribly

4 - One day he saw me and asked if I was seeing someone, I wasn't, and he asked if we could talk. We went out for dinner and ended up dating again.

This, I think, is very unusual; I was young and immature. After him (he was killed in a motorycycle accident) I've never gone back to an ex again after I've made the decision to break up. I miss some of them, even years later, but once I make a decision now I stick with it. I don't live with regret.

[Asker]

thank you. and I'm really sorry to hear about him passing away.

but why so fixed on your decision..if you miss one so much (for years even) why not give it another shot? Is it perhaps that you wanted the guy to come talk to you and tell him first how he still felt?

THis is ex's in normal case.not cheated, or abused etc..

[sassyg1rl]

I don't make rash decisions, and I know I can still love parts of a person but we aren't good together, for whatever reason. Time tends to blur the bad things...so I understand that I made a decision for a reason.

Not waiting for a guy to tell me how he feels. I've learned that guys' emotions are dictated by their smaller heads anyway. ;)

[Asker]

i see. well I asked this question cause I'm in a bad spot. she broke up with me 3 1/2 months ago. and has been dating another guy for about 3 months. were on NC. I saw her 3 times around town since then. Ignored each other. I don't know what to do. NC doesn't seem to be working. I was thinking of telling her how I feel. but don't know if it will help.. Any advice?

[sassyg1rl]

If the opportunity presents itself and you can talk to her, then go for it. But don't force it and don't call her out of the blue.

[helppmeeee]

1. YES, like crazy.

2. Nope ... I would have if he would have changed.

3. I texted him once or twice.

4. We were close he contacted me, but than once we started talking I realized that I was just used to the routine of him being there, not actually him.

[Asker]

can you please elaborate on "if he would have changed" what was the flaw(s) before and what could he have changed? Thanks.

[helppmeeee]

What I mean by that was ... he was a great person but we all have our flaws and well his were in my opinion HUGE. He liked to go out EVERY Thursday and drink drink drink and the next morning he was missing class. On top of that he was always getting into car wrecks, but the last straw for me was when he was going to quit college and move back in with his mom. Later when we talked, I realized he had not matured ONE bit, so it was a big no go for me.

Hope I helped !

[helppmeeee]

I just want to clear up that I did not break up with him because he moved back in with his mom, I broke up with him because he was letting his drinking addiction get the best of him and on top of that he wasn't letting me help him.

[Asker]

thank you. yeah I get it. drinking and basically lack of ambition. that sucks, I think you made the right decision.

[helppmeeee]

Well thank you :)

[confused415]

I'm in this situation. I miss him a lot ( I cheated and he didn't deserve it) and he left for my friend. I'm still torn up a year later maybe two now and its hard to come to terms with it.

[ExMsFine]

miss my ex a lot (been over 2 months), but I made my decision...

[Asker]

but then why'd you break up with him? If you miss him so much, maybe you still like him? Why not get back together with him?

[ExMsFine]

I don't think that is a possibility.. A lot of guys ask me this question, as I think it's just not easy to understand why someone would leave the person that she loves. 1 big factor was that it was long distance. This was tough. There were other things that made the relationship complicated (personal), & it felt like I had to choose between him or my family & friends.

[Anonymous]

1- no.

2- no.

3- I don't have to answer this.

4- We didn't and we wont.

[Lilacandsilver]

I've missed every ex at some point no matter the reason for the breakup. But if he said NC then I would leave it up to him to contact me.

[AlwaysSmile]

1.) yes

2.)Yepp

3.) I told him how I felt.. :/

4.)We did and it ended really confusingly../:

[Asker]

when you told him how you felt, what did he say? that he missed you and felt the same as well? why was he not the one who told you first? self respect / pride?