If you were the dumper and went back to your ex, what were your reasons for going back?

[Anonymous]

OK, so you break up with your ex. You guys said your goodbyes and then you both just move on and never contact each other again. Let's say...u tell them that they hurt you so much that you know you will never be with them again.

But...someday, you go back! And you want to be with them again. What reasons would make you go back, especially if you have been dating other people and you were seemingly happy?

Examples...is it Because you can't get anybody else, or you find out they are with someone, or you truly realize that you love them etc.?

I'm more interested in knowing about dumpers that went back to the ex after months or even years, but any info is welcome.

P.s- and yes, I'm still holding on to a little hope of my ex coming back, but I'm still trying to move on. It's been 5 months, and 2.5 months of no contact

[Anonymous]

Just because people date others...and "seem" happy...def does not mean their happy. Obviously if they were truly happy with that new person, they wouldn't have come back. I think usually if they come back it is because they truly love that person & theyve spent some time away from them only to realize they actually do want that person in their life. My ex who dumped me, tried to come back around after almost a year, but at the time I was interested in someone new & wanted to see what he had to offer. After 8 months with the new guy, I realized maybe I was just seeing him as a rebound or to replace my ex...which isn't possible. I liked him for other reasons, but I think I was looking for that love/bond that I shared with my ex..which isn't going to be there automatically with someone new. Me & the new guy kinda went our own ways, it never got serious. My ex came back around & we got very close, so close I was just waiting for him to ask me out...after a month of him textin me through out the days, textin me gnite/gmorn, callin me, talkin on webcam...I found out through a mutual friend he had a GF. Who he had been seeing for about 6/7 months. I couldn't believe he didn't tell me! He cried & begged me not to hate him, said he didn't know what to do because he thought I moved on & he was only with her because he got lonely. He explain how it wasn't what I thought & it wasn't the same as what we had. I could tell something was wrong in his relationship, I know him well after being with him for 5 yrs. I can sense he's not fully happy. He even told me he didn't know what he got himself into..I gave him 2 months to fig out what he wanted..he didn't leave her or have answers for me. Sooo I walked away COMPLETELY. This will be the first time in 2 years since we've been apart & 9 years since we've known each other, that's been NC. Its tough. I know your hurting, I do believe in 2nd chances. Most of the people on this site dont...but I know what we had was love, we just needed to work on our relationship. I think we both quesitoned it & decided to explore on our own. I didn't meant to explain so much, I just wanted to point out that people aren't always happy when they date others...example I wasn't when I dated the new guy..& he isn't with her (or else he wouldn't have been contacting me all the time & getting close) I think its up to him to fig his situation out on his own & Only time will tell what's meant to be. Keep your head up! Don't wait, but never give up hope! Best Wishes to you!

[Asker]

thank you so much. I do agree that sometimes people that seem happy aren't. The last time I spoke with my ex he said that he was much happier without me in his life and that he knows he can never be with me again. He said this very calmly over the phone. I tried to get him back up until that point and nothing I said or did worked. I feel like me leaving him alone is admitting that I never loved him, and I feel that I shouldn't give up, yet I don't want to hurt more by having contact with him.

[Asker]

Part of me feels that if he really loved me he wouldve come back by now or at least he would've realized by now that he does miss me. Its been 5 mths. Do you think, because he did have A LOT of anger, that it's too soon for me to think that he'll never come back? Do you think its still possible? Thanks in advance

[Opinion Owner]

I think anything is possible...& if he is "angry" toward you...thats a sign he's still hurt. That is the exact thing I did to my ex.I would cuss him out 24/7! I was so hurt...anger was all I had! The anger does subside tho..I also told my ex I would never be with him again...& he also told me we could never work it out when he found out I was seeing someone new..(because he was hurt)..recently he told me he only said that because he was hurt..so even though we say things in our defense we dont

[Opinion Owner]

always mean them. I know you think if he loved you by now he would have come around..but if your constantly contacting him & begging him..its only going to push him away. Just keep NC...its what's best for now..I kno you feel like your giving up if you don't fight for him..but it doesn't work like that.he should fight for you! Let him go & see what life is like without you for a while..its time to take care of you..i kno it's hard! But keep your head up! & be strong!

[Opinion Owner]

just curious..how long were yall together & why did yall break up?

[Asker]

U said to give him time to see what life is like without me. Well, its been 5 mths...and over 2 since I've been NC. So I guess I assume he already knows what life is like without me and he likes it better. We broke up because we always were fighting. The last 6mths were long distance because he had to move back home with his dad which was 12 hrs away. He claimed that he didn't feel that I loved him anymore and he just couldn't believe me when I told him I loved him. I should also mention that he was

[Asker]

Abusive. He slapped me twice, would pin me up against walls and down on the bed while screaming and spitting in my face. He gave me black and blue marks on my arms from grabbing me so hard. He would call me a bad mom, stupid, evil, toxic...so it wasn't just physical is was mental and emotional. I also, was emotionally abusive to him. Early in our relationship I found out he lied to me about something important. Ever since.then I had no trust for him, and it was all down hill after that.

[Asker]

I know you probably think "y the hell would you want to be with this guy?" I wonder the same thing sometimes. But he also was very sweet too. And I loved him. I just miss him so much.

[kimberlymyra]

I loved your story, mine is almost exactly alike, except we were only together 3 years and it was only 3 weeks ago when we stopped talking. I was just as shocked when I found out and incredibly angry still but I hope that will fade. I think now, when he's completely gone, do I wish I accepted his offer to be with him, but that's life and there was a reason I didn't.

[Anonymous]

Heya Girly

I wasn't the dumper or the one who wanted to get back together first but I can tell you about my boyfriend who was the dumper and wanted to get back together...

We were together for a very long time and out of the blue he broke up with me. He said things like "we're going in different directions" - the conversation ended with tears (from both of us - probably the most emotion I'd ever seen from him) and "I'll always love you"s (from both of us).

We went our seperate ways... I found a cutie to have some fun dates with and two weeks later my x said he missed me and he wished he'd never done it. We met up but I was concerned he missed being in a relationship rather than missed being with me. So I didn't get back with him.

Then I wanted to get back with him - he still made my heart plummet. But by that stage he seeing someone else quite seriously.

And then it ended and I didn't know that.

A while later: some mutual friends who are more his friends than mine, but mine nonetheless friends of mine too, told me that he missed me and regretted ever breaking up with me. I didn't believe them.

They sneakily set us up and everything they said was true. We got back together... Because lets face it - he wanted me back and he was the most amazing guy I'd ever dated.

You ask about cutie Mr fun? turned out to be not so much fun and so much a**hole.

So my x and I got back together and have never looked back.

Turns out he broke up with me originally because he had doubts and didn't feel it was fair to stay with me if he wasn't sure of his feelings for me.

In three months we were broken up we both changed a little. For the better. It probably won't last forever because we're 18 and I'm going overseas next year for a year. And we'll both change so much between now and the age most people get married at. But for now? Its perfect.

Its possible to get back together - but it has to be because both of you want the other person for who they ARE, not who they WERE or who you think they ARE or because you love love.

I hope your boy comes back to you for these reasons and that you want him back for those reasons too.

[Asker]

I agree that people should get back together for who the person is, not what they were. Unfortunately, there was a lot about him that I didn't like, but I don't know if I caused him to be like that with all of my insecurities, or if that truly is the person he is. I miss him so much. and I feel like I'm possibly letting the love of my life go. But if he wants nothing to do with me, what else can I do but to leave him alone? any advice?

[Opinion Owner]

Leave him alone. If you have a lot of insecurities you need to work through those while you are single - I've been there. If no-one else causes you to have many insecurities he might be emotionally manipulative and not good for you. I suspect you miss the sensation of being loved - and I've been there too. So I understand where you are coming from.

So for now, leave him well alone and work on yourself is my advice and I don't mean it badly - being there for yourself is a positive thing.

[Asker]

Yes...I believe he was emotionally manipulative. And I do miss being loved. If you read my comment above, there was a lot of.bad things he did, but also a lot of.good. but your right, I do miss being loved. I will def continue with NC, and keep trying to move on.

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck :) you deserve better than someone who is going to manipulate you. Remember the good stuff, get over the bad stuff but remember that anyone who manipulates you is not worth it! :)

[awaken03]

There are only several reasons why some EX go back after being parted for so long:

Positive Aspect

- They miss you as the person they cared for..so as it goes we only value things most when we loose them

- If they are trying to get over you and they went pursuing a new relationship they tend to compare the current and past relationship and with you things are better unlike with the new one

Negative Aspects

- They just miss having you around for sex

- They are thinking about setting you up as second best in which they aren't sure with the current relationship..so as your gonna be a spare tire

These are the most common things I can share from my personal experiences and to what I have noticed with my guy and girl friends

A good advise on your part if you really wish to get back with your EX..try to make small steps on establishing communication again from time to time..so the other would either realize their feelings and miss you..but don't rush it..Some relationships can still be mended..hope your relationship's break off wasn't about lies and cheating

[Asker]

Oops...I didn't mean to give you a bad rating. Damn phone. Ur right...those do seem to be the main response. Our break up wasn't because of lies and cheating. It was because of us fighting all the time because of my insecurities. I sometimes think of contacting him, but I don't want to hurt anymore by doing so because I think hell tell me to leave him alone, or that he is with someone now. And I don't want to know that

[Anonymous]

I've dumped 3 of the 4 women I dated, and I didn't go back to any of them. Because they weren't virgins.

[meyra]

i hope you were not their first men... good luck in finding your virgin:)

[Hjominbonrun]

sex

[Jager66]

sex maybe?