HOLY HELL... I just cheated on my boyfriend :/

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been out of the country on vacation for about 2 weeks, and we have no way of communicating (he left his phone in the states to not get charged, and didn't bring a laptop either).

I have this best guy friend that my boyfriend knows about - we've been best friends for several years, and we've never had anything for each other... but today we both got a little "influenced" and hit it off without questioning anything...

HOW FREAKING STUPID AM I.

I love my boyfriend so much and I'm freaking out because I've never cheated on anyone before... I've always looked down on anyone who did... What the hell did I just do :(

Please help.

GUYS: If you've been cheated on, have you ever forgiven her?

I don't want to hide this from him... It's going to KILL me eventually .

Updates

+1 y

This is a HUGE update. I confessed to my boyfriend over the phone (I wanted to do it in person, but he just got back to the states and has 24 hours of driving to do, so that was my only option). Turns out he cheated on me as well... What the hell do I do

Updates

+1 y

People have been asking for an update, so here it goes! We're still together, and happier then ever. I completely regret what I did, but to be honest, I feel like it helped our relationship. I'm glad things worked out - it doesn't happen often for couples after they cheat on each other. We're completely honest with each other now and have no trust issues.

Updates

+1 y

After all of that happened, we did go through a very tough time. Now, we are still completely in love with each other. We look back at what happened as a mistake and something we both learned extremely from, despite all the pain we went through. Tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary; we are spending the weekend in Chicago, and I am extremely thrilled that we were able to forgive each other. He is the love of my life, and I really do believe anything is possible!

[Anonymous]

Well, you have to be honest, which you already understand. I respect you for that. I can tell you wouldn't do this normally.

Tell your boyfriend, apologize (actually use the phrase "I'm sorry," sometimes people forget that when they are trying to explain away why it happened). Tell him you love him and made a huge mistake. Beg his forgiveness.

You have to stop being friends with the other guy. It will hurt, but how is your boyfriend supposed to live with the fact that you two had sex? Choose your boyfriend or him, because you crossed a line, and you can't have both. Even though it was a horrible mistake, you (and he) have pushed your friendship into a place that you can't be.

You will have a better time dealing with this if you put yourself in his shoes. If he had a best girl friend and cheated on you with her, how would you feel? What would you want him to do?

Just be honest, apologize, and beg that he forgives you. Be more careful in the future, don't let yourself be alone with another man, especially if you are "influenced," as you put it. It isn't a good idea for anyone female in a relationship.

If your relationship is strong enough, he will forgive you. You love him and I am pretty sure he loves you back just as much. I wish you the best of luck!

[Asker]

Thank you so much, it means a lot. Putting myself in his shoes, I know I'd forgive him - but that doesn't give me the satisfaction that he will too! When is the best time to tell him? Right away when he comes back from vacation, or wait a little while? Thanks, again

[Opinion Owner]

The longer you wait the harder it will be. I would do it as soon as you can be alone to talk. But I would cut things off with your friend immediately, that way your boyfriend will see you are serious about making things work.

[Opinion Owner]

For the update:

What did he do to deserve cheating? Maybe he just made an honest mistake, too. Now you two have to decide where you are going to go. Do you still want to be together? If you do I would go to some kind of couples counseling, so you can work out all of the issues this has caused.

He may also be lying. Counseling of some type is still a good plan if you two want to make it work. I'm sure you two can work things out if you want to :)

[crushsodacan]

hahahaha, that's hilarious. You both cheated on eachother? Are you sure you two didn't agree to an open relationship? lol

[vantasie]

The situation you described makes me conclude that either you and your best friends do have feelings for each other and probably had for a long time. Or you don't care enough about your boyfriend that you can cheat on him "without questioning anything". If I am correct there is no reason to try and continue a relationship with him as it will not last either way, even if you don't tell him about cheating.

If I am wrong and this was truly a once off moment of weakness, try and to explain it to him, but know he might never trust you again and without trust relationships won't work. Think about the situation without your cheating and ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with him and if you might have feelings for someone else.

Don't fight for something that might only hurt the both of you more

[Asker]

I don't have ANY feelings for my best friend; I'm admitting that from the bottom of my heart. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and I've never had the intentions of cheating... I love him so much, and I do plan on marrying him, having his children, etc...

[PHILR]

did he confess this shortly after you telling him of what happened to you. are you positive there was cheating on his behalf or maybe just a statement to get back at you. was there any anger in his voice at any time during the convo on the phone. or did he calmly just tell you he was cheating too.

i realize this post says its 4 months old and no new updates since what is the statis of this relationship at present

1. over and done with

2. forgiven and trying again

3. relagated to just friends with each other

[hALLDAY]

Just to point it out, alcohol is no longer a legitimate excuse. You always wonder why us guys despise and get jealous if our girlfriend has a close guy friend that she always hands around with. We know how other guys think weather they say their "just friends" or not. Then constant nagging and reassurance pulls through and when you do finally place trust in her especially alone with guy friends she ends up cheating. Personally, I may technically forgive but not forget but things would never be the same between us. Needless to say, there will never be such a relationship with her. This is just my viewpoint, I'm sorry you had to make such a stupid and rash decision but kudos for you to owning up to your mistakes. Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you, this actually helped. I know it's wrong, I hate myself. All of these comments I'm receiving is EXACTLY what I would tell someone, which makes it even worse knowing I have morals and would still do this.

[MrOracle]

Clearly, none of you have anywhere near enough respect for a committed relationship to be in one, and this one is OVER. Once trust is gone, it will never come back, so even if you try to "save" it, you're only fooling yourselves, because it's just a matter of time.

Part of any commitment is making sacrifices. In this context, it means NOT getting "influenced" when your boyfriend isn't around and other guys are. Heck, it means going out of your way NOT to be around guys you may have any attraction to while your Boyfriend is gone.

Hopefully you'll learn from your mistake, but IMO it's far too late to save this one.

[PHILR]

this is good news it sounds as though you got a good man there hold on to him he sounds like a keeper to me for being understanding and you of him . kudo's to both of you.

maybe if it gets far enough we'll see your wedding announcements at some future date

[Anonymous]

Wait, do you have several questions about this?

You're still banging the best friend, no? So this is an earlier version of your question.

Yeah you need to break up.

On another note girls, THIS is why your boyfriends aren't particularly enamoured of your "best guy friend." We know that there's a not insignificant chance that given the right circumstances including our absence and the presence of alcohol, you'll end up riding his baloney pony. We KNOW he want to bang your brains out, and even if you're not actively into the idea, THIS could happen.

[Opinion Owner]

Nice! Congrats on staying together with the boyfriend. Are you still nailing the "best friend" on the side? If not, when did you stop doing that? Just curious.

[Asker]

I stopped doing that as soon as I posted this, ha. We actually haven't spoken to each other since and he erased every memory of me.

Funny thing is now he has a girlfriend who tries so hard to make me feel like sh*t on Facebook. So dumb.

But I'm happy :)

[Opinion Owner]

Good for you! Glad you're happy! One more question though: How did the "best friend" compare to your boyfriend in bed? Was the sex hotter with him? Did he make you cum?

[Asker]

Umm... the sex was hot, yes. But I didn't love him so there was no other connection. My boyfriend's love-making is incredible

[ThickRick]

Do him a favor and break up.

There is no excuse for this. You made a selfish decision and showed no restraint. Two short weeks is all it took for your inner adulterous whore to come out of hiding. It's doomed, and he doesn't deserve this. He deserves a woman he can trust.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

I would never forgive a cheater and I will never forgive a cheater... that pain is unbearable.

If you really loved your boyfriend you'd have never cheated. Clearly you two should break up at this point.

And he might not have really cheated, just said he did to inflict the same pain back on you. I dunno...he could have though.

Basically, if you haven't by now, you two should break up and not contact each other for the longest time.

[Asker]

I understand why you're saying this, because before I had ever cheated I would've said the same thing. I'm not proud of cheating; neither is he. It was the first time we'd ever done it, and where did that leave us? We wondered for a while if we truly DID love each other; but we stuck through. We fought for each other because that was still all we wanted. And now, we're happier than ever! Our trust is fully there - and I sincerely mean that. We're even more open about our sexual life than before

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Well as long as you both learned I guess. but this is why I advocate being open and honest from the start.

[Asker]

I agree completely. I'm not proud of it happening, but to be honest, I really do think it HELPED our relationship. Not that it was bad before, but it's just greater now that we're fully open and honest to each other.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

And think of how much better it had been had you both been open and honest from the very start :\ could have not cheated at all. Cheating in general just depresses me. Perhaps I take it too personally even when I don't know the people at all. Ah well.

[notentirelynuts]

You did the right thing to come clean (honesty is the best policy). So he cheated too? Look. You're both young young young. It's okay; you're getting to know yourself. It's not like you murdered someone, okay? Ditto for him.

You'll eventually get it all sorted out, but you and your boyfriend need to be honest with each other and with yourselves. That's the only way anything will ever get resolved. Don't hide from yourself -- or from him.

offtopic.posterous.com

[Anonymous]

No, I never did. I broke up with the girl who cheated on me shortly after she told me.

The way I saw it is that even though we were still in love, I could never completely trust her again; there would always be that little nagging feeling in the back of my mind that would drive a man insane.

Very sad, I know, but I couldn't see any other way; I had forgiven her, but I couldn't forget what she had done.

[ihatework]

i've been cheated on and I would break up immediately.

[Anonymous]

So, how did this turn out? You still banging the best friend? Also, I'd submit to you that if you told him you sexed up your friend FIRST, and THEN he said he cheated on you as well, chances are pretty good he didn't but is just saying that to feel like less of a loser. It's quite the interesting cooincidence that you'd both do it the same week, no?

Anyway, just curious as to which one you're having sex with these days.

[crackfiend]

its fair now, everythings cool. unless after you told him (nice one for doing so) he felt like he had to match it and told you he did. but then again if he did, he could of kept it quiet and got the sympathetic treatment from you.

[JenTen]

:O wdf ! this is madness !

he cheated on yu :/ I would have ended it lol mainly because we BOTH cheated

[sikoo31]

tell him and leave him, you don't deserve him. and tell your "friend" to leave you alone, he's not your friend.

[sikoo31]

update: sometimes people say they cheated on you just to p*ss you off for cheating on them.

also, now you're even.

[Asker]

I thought about that as well until he got into detail; it really happened. So yes, now we're even, but what does that mean for our relationship if we both had the guts to have sex with someone else? :/ Do you think it can work, honestly?

[sikoo31]

no it can't. there's too many reasons for me to list them all. but here's the biggest ones:

the trust is lost, no trust, no love

you both don't deserve to be dated by anyone now

and you were never in love to begin with if you both cheated.

[Quadrophonic84]

You both had "the guts" to cheat on each other? That's f*cking twisted. Cheating is NOT about courage, it's about weakness. I have to agree with the people here who say you don't seem ready for a serious thing.

[erekmax]

Seems like the balance is restored and if both of you can continue seeing each other despite knowing that the other cheated then keep at it.

[Anonymous]

brooke if that's you I'm going to tell alex. then the weddings off.

[probabilist]

update this please...just curious...

[Jager66]

sounds like your 2 of a kind