Will he cheat again?

Is that old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" true? My husband cheated on me with his coworker and though I know he has no contact with her now, I don't trust him and I'm scared it will happen again. Thoughts?

We have been together for 13 years, married for 9. We have 4 kids. We actually separated and I filed for divorce. I halted the proceedings because of my kids...my oldest is autistic and does much better with his dad around.


Most Helpful Guy

  • There are probably some desires that he has that are not being filled in the bedroom. Most men still love there girlfriends/ wives very much. They just get sexually frustrated and look for a release somewhere else. You have to ask yourself, do I deny him even the simple sex session. You can't put all the blame on him if you 2 are not being sexually active enough.

    If your married and you want to work through it, then establish better lines of communication and move forward.

    • Not sure what the norm is, but I'm pretty sure we are above it. He gets some kind of "pleasure" about 4 times a week now. Before I found about about the affair, it was about twice a week.

    • I would have to agree that's good enough. I know the first thing that everyone says to try is change up the sex, role play, toys etc. I think its more productive if you to can just figure out what happened, and what needs to happen from this point forward.


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What Guys Said 3

  • sounds like a douche bag to me...im sorry you have to go through this and he even considered cheating...some role model he'll be for his children

  • There is probably a reason behind his cheating. He has a desire or something. For intimacy, excitement. If that hasn't been addressed I'd imagine he'd cheat again. If everything is the same as before, I'd worry. You could try and fix the underlying reason. If I were you, I would have dumped him when he cheated. You're young and couldn't have been married long. It's a bad sign.

    • Thanks for your response. We have actually been together since high school. But life took over an yes, we lost intimacy. It's gotten better between us, but its hard to see him the same way as I did before.

    • Trust is very important. Well if it's intimacy, try increasing that. I'd like to think with a great partner you could sit down and discuss it.

  • yes most likely he will cheat again maybe not next week or even next year but it will happen again


What Girls Said 3

  • Yikes, that's a tough question. Of course if a person is scum enough to do it once, they are capable of doing it again. But it doesn't necessarily mean they will. When it comes down to it it varies from person to person. Now you just need to decide how many chances you're willing to give, if any at all.

    • Thanks. I never thought I'd put up with anything like that and I wouldn't if it happened again. Just not sure if I can continue each day with such distrust.

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    • But always remember that just because you two are together does not mean the kids are better off. If your distrust leads to constant fighting or even just constantly apathy, the kids are probably better off in a separated family instead of having to deal with that, every minute of every day in what should be their safe place - their home.

    • Yeah, I do realize that. My kids come first absolutely. We don't fight, but we are more like roommates than anything else.

  • I would have trust issues. I have always believed that if he can make the mistake once he can do it again, but you know him best. Was he truly repentant? Do you think he'll do it again if given the chance? And can you live with it if he does? I honestly don't know what I would do in your shoes.

    • I'm not sure. I never thought he would have done it in the first place. But I couldn't put up with him doing it again.

    • If he does it again - leave him. But until then, I can't make that decision for you. How long ago did you find out? You should try to work things out, see if you can get past it. Definitely get counseling. If you can't get past it, it might be best to separate, at least for a while.

  • i didn't even read your description, and my answer is yes, he will cheat again. being a cheater in a relationship is part of who you are, and that isn't going to change no matter how much the circumstances may have. once they do it, they'll do it again. but this time they've learned from their mistakes... and won't let you find out again.

    • in fairness to you and your situation, I went back and read all the details of your question. however, I still 100 percent stick with my answer. he can still be a huge part of your kid's lives even if you two are separated as a couple. when their parents don't trust each other, kids can sense that. and you wouldn't want them growing up with that. you should separate from him as a husband, but keep the relationship friendly for sure. you can all still be a happy family even if you aren't married.