Has the dumpee ever moved on faster than the dumper?

[Anonymous]

Has the dumpee ever, to the dumper's surprise moved on faster than the dumper? If so why did it surprise you? I was dumped about a month ago and have met a guy that has literally swept me off my feet since then. The ex is a friend on fb and I know he has most likely seen the pictures of us. Just something I was curious about..

[Jawless]

Okay I'll try and tell you a story now, lol. Bear with me if I get the wrong end of your stick or go off topic or something - I'm known to do that quite often.

Once, when I was young, I had this girlfriend, who I had met online, funnily enough. Well, I met like three girls at once actually, and I hit it off well with all of them, but this girl asked me out first, and I said yes. I was new to relationships back then, lol, so I was actually swept off my feet.

During this time I got to talking to the other two, and I realized that one of them rocked, one of them was...strange, and the one I was going with wasn't really my type of person. But I'm a nice guy and I didn't want to break up with the relationship, and I was also generally too frightened to ask the girl I liked out, in case she took offense or said no, the crushing pain of denial.

Anyway...the girl I was with at the time, decided to stop really caring and started ignoring me, even going as far as to simply respond with 'k' or similar, and stopped talking to me as soon as she came online. I was getting tired of the relationship, and then one day when I signed in she invited me to a conversation with another guy, and revealed to me for the last two weeks (we'd been 'together' like three months) she had been enjoying spending time with her real boyfriend, who up until two weeks ago had been spending time in prison for assault.

Meh. Long story short, she decided to dump me there, with her boyfriend adding sniping comments. I won't go on about what was said, but I didn't go out politely, I'll tell you that. The last thing she actually messaged me was 'Go away!' and I responsed with 'Gladly!' and then..that was it. I cut all ties, except the fact she knew my mobile number.

Then I started up a relationship with the other girl, the girl I am now engaged to and in love with more than anything. She swept me off my feet, and I gave her butterflies, and our relationship just blossomed. But that is talking of the present.

About two months into my relationship with her, the ex started texting me with messages about 'being friends' again. I unblocked her email adress and sent an email, not willing to add her to MSN proper, again. She informed me her boyfriend had gone inside yet again for assault, again. Course, I'll never know if she was simply trying to hurt me, but I was nasty back to her and said, pretty much, enjoy the pain you are in, because it's what you deserve. She had hurt me pretty hard, at the time, anyway.

Hmm. So I'm guessing it is very possible for the dumper to be worse off than the dumped, when it comes to break up. I'm a living example...I think so myself, anyway. :)

I hope I got your question right, lol. Hope it made sense, too. :)

[Asker]

It made perfect sense. :) It actually makes me feel a lot better about the whole situation. I was a great girlfriend, I never hurt him or anything. Loved him unconditionally like I was supposed to but he couldn't do the same in turn...simply because he was too damn lazy to do it. Just to prove how lazy he was he didn't get me ANYTHINHG for Valentines day. He didn't make me anything...NOTHING. I actually had to give him gas for that day so he could even come and see me. It was just terrible.

[Jawless]

Well, I'm glad it's over now, right?

Sounds like you deserve someone a lot better than what you had..he certainly didn't deserve you. :)

And I'm glad it made sense. I was worried you meant the question as in examples of the person who dumped someone moved on quicker, not the person who was dumped. But..I was confused.

It wasn't confusing then? Great! :D

[Asker]

Yeah, it's over. However I still have not gotten my belongings back from him. Its been three weeks now since I requested he return my belongings. He still has not given them back to me, but I am going to just forget about it. I already have a new boyfriend and I couldn't be any happier. :D

[Jawless]

Just tell him you understand why he's being so spiteful, but you think it's kind of childish.

Or tell him you understand why he's still clinging to you, but he really does need to let you go. (in a soothing, patronising voice.)

It'll probably cause him to destroy your stuff, at which point, since you don't care anymore, you should simply congratulate him. :)

And yay! Good luck with your new relationship. :)

[justsomeboy]

Anything is possible in the f***ed up world of love.

[jam66]

Yes my ex did this. I had to break up with him because he wasn't treating me very well. He had no idea I was going to break up with him and said he was devastated. 4 weeks later there pictures of him and a new girl all over Facebook, which showed me he never really loved me at all. He treated her better than me as well, within a month of them going out they went on holiday. He never wanted to do anything when he was with me. 6 months on and I am still getting over the relationship. He clearly was an arsehole, should have dumped him a lot sooner.

[ShootingStar5]

Well I dumped my ex, so he was the dumpee. And he got into a new relationship about 4 months before I did. I was a little surprised by it, because until he was seeing her he was still showing up at my house randomly, and telling me we should get back together -.- However if it wasn't for that I wouldn't be surprised though. I knew it was probably gonna take me awhile to find a new relationship because I was being very picky about who I decided to make my next boyfriend.

[Asker]

Well I do not know why you two broke up. But mine broke up with me simply because he was too lazy. I put all the effort into the relationship while he hardly did anything. He did not get me a single thing for Valentines day. While I got him something however...

[Johanna_matt]

I think the dumpee can actually move on faster because he/she doesn't have a choice and has to deal with the situation. But the dumper has this dilemma rethinking the situation to figure whether he/she has made the right decision to dump the other person!

P.S. I'm proud of you for moving on faster than the dumper!:D

[teardrop06]

I have done it before. I agree with you it does feel easier.

[Asker]

Thanks! I know he is going to regret the decision he made later on down the road.

[ilovepopcorn]

it depends on the breakup itself..

for instance; if the dumpee was cheated on it would take a while to get over it...

[Asker]

Well he dumped me simply because he was too lazy to commit to the relationship. Said he could not "will" himself to even try and make me happy. Which is just a load of bullsh*t. I was a great girlfriend didn't do anything to hurt him. Just wanted someone to return the love that I gave...but he was too lazy to even attempt to try...