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Who feels it worse after the break-up, the dumper or dumpee? How does the dumper feel?

I was recently broken up with a month ago, and I was just wondering how the dumper feels. I know I was heartbroken and miserable for weeks, and still miss him, but I'm curious on how the dumper feels after breaking it off. (In my case, we're trying to be friends, so we aren't on terrible terms or anything. We just never actually talked about the break up after we broke up, more like moved on and pretended it didn't really happen and awkwardly pretended/tried to be friends...)

What's Your Opinion?


Most Helpful Opinion

  • The dumper generally has the advantage because the feeling is already lost and has gone to the point that they have a reason to not to be with a person anymore. There were weeks, maybe months before the dumper finally decides to end a relationship while the dumpee has no idea what's coming. The dumper is a step ahead because they have already begun to move on. Then there is could be other factors such as the dumper has already moved on or at least has someone else in their sights. The dumpee feels the worst unless they already have someone else that can replace the person dumping them. Then think about this. You get dumped, and you see your ex with someone else and you haven't totally moved on or vice versa. The dumper rarely feels any type of pain unless it's really for themselves. Dumpers feel the power of having control over someone's happiness for a moment and get a kick out of it (especially girls). They feel that they are doing the right thing. Then there is the excuse factor. Some people get dumped and get excuses told to them on why they are being dumped, leaving overall confusion. It's like when a guy is told that he is a great catch, nice, sweet, and the caring guy that girls "ask" for, but is always being dumped. Since they don't tell him the truth on how to change his game so he can get other girls in the future, he lingers on and tries to figure out why, thus the pain lasting longer while the dumper has already moved on to someone else. It depends on the people and the situations, but it's usually the dumper that feels freedom while the dumpee has their world shattered. By the way, in many cases it is not a good idea to attempt to be "friends" after a relationship. The "friendship" ends when one has feelings and/or sexual attraction for the other.

What Guys Said 3

  • The 'dumpee' is usually miserable whereas the 'dumper' (lol) feels amazing with the power of God in their hands! Ever growing until (s)he becomes mad with their ex's pain as a trophy! Nah, the 'dumpe'r feels a little bad too but it's only a fraction of the pain.~Distant

    • Hahaha, thanks XDI figured as much, but I guess I was just trying to convince myself that they felt a tad more thank a fraction, just so I could feel better! *shrugs* haha, oh well!

  • i like being dumped so id rather that

What Girls Said 1

  • if we assume that the dumper and dumpee loved each other then I would say that initially its the dumpee who feels miserable and the dumper is all "i did the right thing... I am fine..yeah". but after some time...few weeks..the dumpee is on the road to recovery and the dumper feels bad...the dumper starts wondering bout his/her decision ...whether he/she made the right decision...etc...dumper starts remembering all wonderful things bout dumpee. now the onus is on dumper to make amends.

    • i agree a lot...

    • I think I agree with you here. The dumper always wonders if they made the right choice, since they are the ones in control, they think they can take back their decision. The dumpee feels helpless and thrown out so they are forced to move on and it feels more final... at least in my life.