Who feels it worse after the break-up, the dumper or dumpee? How does the dumper feel?

[Anonymous]

I was recently broken up with a month ago, and I was just wondering how the dumper feels. I know I was heartbroken and miserable for weeks, and still miss him, but I'm curious on how the dumper feels after breaking it off. (In my case, we're trying to be friends, so we aren't on terrible terms or anything. We just never actually talked about the break up after we broke up, more like moved on and pretended it didn't really happen and awkwardly pretended/tried to be friends...)

[Paladinrja]

Yeah forget the vindictive stereotypes its a load of shit. I've been the dumper a few times and been dumped and to be perfectly honest its easier to be the dumped. Mostly because you quickly realize (or not depending on how good with yourself you already are) that, that person is gonna lay out all their cards and settle things once and for all. Before any relationship ends you start to get signs that something isn't quite out in the open. Due to my lessons as a dumper I have gotten to a point that just being strong in myself and letting the other person either hang themselves or save themselves is the easiest way to go. You can't stop the inevitable so just let them work it out (this doesn't include outright unhealthy relationships with say violence verbal or otherwise).
Between media and people like some of the fucking weaklings on here, we tend to make too much of this idea that its a match you have to get match point in. Anyone with that kinda mentality doesn't deserve anyone in a love propositional period. Only children play games.
I have given away a few relationships that were short term and that is why they were short term. I have two LTR's that I dumped. One was a gaslighter that will never, ever forget why you do not fuck with a grown man. The other is one of the sorriest episodes of my life because I was young and stupid. The fact that we are very close friends is a testament as to why men and women whom have been involved or have hidden feeling for each other cannot be friends (most people). In my case with her, its because I never abandoned her, this is important. I still and always will love her.
My recent relationship.. well she's 25yo.. I could see where it was going and to be honest she was either gonna grow or fail on me. I have no time to fuck around and end up bored, especially with a 25yo woman, I mean wtf? Get a life haha. So I try talk to her however she's all hidden agenda's and so I just let her hang herself. Its not my choice to make.

[thetheme]

The dumper generally has the advantage because the feeling is already lost and has gone to the point that they have a reason to not to be with a person anymore. There were weeks, maybe months before the dumper finally decides to end a relationship while the dumpee has no idea what's coming. The dumper is a step ahead because they have already begun to move on. Then there is could be other factors such as the dumper has already moved on or at least has someone else in their sights. The dumpee feels the worst unless they already have someone else that can replace the person dumping them. Then think about this. You get dumped, and you see your ex with someone else and you haven't totally moved on or vice versa. The dumper rarely feels any type of pain unless it's really for themselves.

Dumpers feel the power of having control over someone's happiness for a moment and get a kick out of it (especially girls). They feel that they are doing the right thing. Then there is the excuse factor. Some people get dumped and get excuses told to them on why they are being dumped, leaving overall confusion. It's like when a guy is told that he is a great catch, nice, sweet, and the caring guy that girls "ask" for, but is always being dumped. Since they don't tell him the truth on how to change his game so he can get other girls in the future, he lingers on and tries to figure out why, thus the pain lasting longer while the dumper has already moved on to someone else.

It depends on the people and the situations, but it's usually the dumper that feels freedom while the dumpee has their world shattered. By the way, in many cases it is not a good idea to attempt to be "friends" after a relationship. The "friendship" ends when one has feelings and/or sexual attraction for the other.

[Crystal28]

I don’t agree with this. Maybe for some people, they’ve already checked out of a relationship and therefor finally decide to leave but just because you’re the dumper doesn’t mean you don’t care about the person. Sometimes the dumper is just the person who has a courage to leave and it isn’t even about caring anymore. They know that’s where no saving the relationship or friendship and it’s just become too unhealthy to try and constantly fix. I do admit, I’ve ended friendships or relationships where I do feel an initial stage or relief then end up apologizing for how things went down because I end up missing them or feeling very guilty.

[dontknowwhattodo2]

if we assume that the dumper and dumpee loved each other then I would say that initially its the dumpee who feels miserable and the dumper is all "i did the right thing... I am fine..yeah". but after some time...few weeks..the dumpee is on the road to recovery and the dumper feels bad...the dumper starts wondering bout his/her decision ...whether he/she made the right decision...etc...dumper starts remembering all wonderful things bout dumpee. now the onus is on dumper to make amends.

[adamretex81]

i agree a lot...

[kimberlymyra]

I think I agree with you here. The dumper always wonders if they made the right choice, since they are the ones in control, they think they can take back their decision. The dumpee feels helpless and thrown out so they are forced to move on and it feels more final... at least in my life.

[Distant]

The 'dumpee' is usually miserable whereas the 'dumper' (lol) feels amazing with the power of God in their hands! Ever growing until (s)he becomes mad with their ex's pain as a trophy! Nah, the 'dumpe'r feels a little bad too but it's only a fraction of the pain.

~Distant

[Asker]

Hahaha, thanks XD

I figured as much, but I guess I was just trying to convince myself that they felt a tad more thank a fraction, just so I could feel better! *shrugs* haha, oh well!

[Paladinrja]

Fuckhead comment of the year. Just means you never gave a damn and were chicken shit to start off with. Men see things through and believe me there is no premium on yo silly little boy ass. If you aren't man enough to sit with a woman and end the relationship at the same level then you were no good for nothing. Its that simple weakling. Most likely chickened out because you can't measure up to expectation and couldn't be man enough to just say she's too full on and freakin yo lazy ass out. Pathetic.

[HurtingJesse]

I need help. My girlfriend broke up with me a week ago. She felt smothered. She said there were a lot of positives that’s why she kept making effort. Then she said we enjoy spending time together and the sex is amazing beyond that we’re very different people. She said she doesn’t want contact so we both can heal and move on. I just don’t understand

[Jager66]

i like being dumped so id rather that

[Paladinrja]

Kinda lets ya off the hook huh.. Funny how girls never seem to realize that men are sensitive too and think side-blinding you is healthy? Most men in tune with what they want in life know when its coming, kinda hard to dump them when women just suck at getting over it.

[Jager66]

So very true.

[Crystal28]

*theres no