Ex wants to have dinner?

Hey, I'm 24 and my ex-girlfriend is 22.

First, some background. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 2 years, until about a year and a half ago, when she broke up with me. My heart was broken very seriously, and I was deeply hurt by her actions in the period following the break-up, during which she began seeing another guy while continuing to ask for my time and attention.

A year and a half later, I'm over her, I've recovered from the breakup, and I've moved into a different stage of my life. I'm also still single.

Now, for the entire year and a half following the breakup, my ex-girlfriend has kept contacting me, sending me text messages, sending me emails, and even occasionally calling me. Her attempts to contact me are sometimes innocuous and friendly, but are more often oblique, such as text messages saying "I miss going places with you," or "I still think about you," etc.

I find these kind of messages very awkward, and I've never responded. She's asked multiple times to meet me for coffee or lunch, and I've never responded to those requests either. I've occasionally responded to the more harmless messages, however.

The real issue is this: My ex-girlfriend just sent me an email indicating that she's going to be in my neighborhood and that she wants to meet for dinner. I wouldn't normally respond, but the idea of not responding is making me feel guilty; I'm wondering if accepting her invitation is the more responsible and mature thing to do.

We've met a couple of times during the past year. The last time I saw her was about six months ago, and it mostly consisted of her crying and telling me how painful it was to "let me go" and "move on." I found this, also, to be very awkward and strange considering the circumstances of the breakup.

I have no desire to re-start the relationship and bring my ex-girlfriend back into my life. And although I hope she's doing well, I'm not really interested in the details of her life anymore. I will admit, though, that her insistence on meeting me has made me curious about her motives.

Anyway, here's my question: What's up with my ex? Why does she want to meet me? Should I accept her invitation?


Most Helpful Guy

  • She want to have her cake and eat it too. She put you on the back burner and she is getting a kick out of it. She is playing you, and you are allowing it because you are still keeping in contact with her. STOP feeling guilty about not responding. Moving on is the best thing to do. Remember, she moved on from you long before she left you.

    Is if harmless to meet her? For her and not for you. She is just looking for a filler of time. You are providing what other guys won't. Time, attention, and comfort doing things that she wants to do. She knows you still care and that you will put her on a pedestal that she doesn't deserve. Her motives are to get her fix to keep her going, plain and simple.

    Since you have no desire to get her back, the only way to send that message to her is to never communicate with her again, ever. All meeting her would do is lead you on and get you even more confused about her motives. She has had other guys knowing how much she has hurt you and that tells you everything selfish thing that you need to know. Move on and move forward. That chapter is finished, turn the page.