Ex wants to have dinner?
Hey, I'm 24 and my ex-girlfriend is 22.
First, some background. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 2 years, until about a year and a half ago, when she broke up with me. My heart was broken very seriously, and I was deeply hurt by her actions in the period following the break-up, during which she began seeing another guy while continuing to ask for my time and attention.
A year and a half later, I'm over her, I've recovered from the breakup, and I've moved into a different stage of my life. I'm also still single.
Now, for the entire year and a half following the breakup, my ex-girlfriend has kept contacting me, sending me text messages, sending me emails, and even occasionally calling me. Her attempts to contact me are sometimes innocuous and friendly, but are more often oblique, such as text messages saying "I miss going places with you," or "I still think about you," etc.
I find these kind of messages very awkward, and I've never responded. She's asked multiple times to meet me for coffee or lunch, and I've never responded to those requests either. I've occasionally responded to the more harmless messages, however.
The real issue is this: My ex-girlfriend just sent me an email indicating that she's going to be in my neighborhood and that she wants to meet for dinner. I wouldn't normally respond, but the idea of not responding is making me feel guilty; I'm wondering if accepting her invitation is the more responsible and mature thing to do.
We've met a couple of times during the past year. The last time I saw her was about six months ago, and it mostly consisted of her crying and telling me how painful it was to "let me go" and "move on." I found this, also, to be very awkward and strange considering the circumstances of the breakup.
I have no desire to re-start the relationship and bring my ex-girlfriend back into my life. And although I hope she's doing well, I'm not really interested in the details of her life anymore. I will admit, though, that her insistence on meeting me has made me curious about her motives.
Anyway, here's my question: What's up with my ex? Why does she want to meet me? Should I accept her invitation?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
She want to have her cake and eat it too. She put you on the back burner and she is getting a kick out of it. She is playing you, and you are allowing it because you are still keeping in contact with her. STOP feeling guilty about not responding. Moving on is the best thing to do. Remember, she moved on from you long before she left you.
Is if harmless to meet her? For her and not for you. She is just looking for a filler of time. You are providing what other guys won't. Time, attention, and comfort doing things that she wants to do. She knows you still care and that you will put her on a pedestal that she doesn't deserve. Her motives are to get her fix to keep her going, plain and simple.
Since you have no desire to get her back, the only way to send that message to her is to never communicate with her again, ever. All meeting her would do is lead you on and get you even more confused about her motives. She has had other guys knowing how much she has hurt you and that tells you everything selfish thing that you need to know. Move on and move forward. That chapter is finished, turn the page.
What Girls Said 5
She under anticipated the loss of you While there was an incentive for her to move on from you as a boyfriend it was loss of you as a confidant, as a best friend, a person that she was able to trust and rely on, someone that was kind and supportive of her, that's what she's missing now.
You were hers exclusively for 2 years she may feel she still has options with you.
If she just wants to just meet platonically, do you feel you could meet as friends for dinner, drinks? it is possible. Her crying and lamenting the good old days may be her way of conveying she wants to be a "friend with benefits", a relationship she wants to just keep occasional. How do you feel about this? Could you keep you manage your feelings? To say goodbye each time knowing she wants to keep her options open still. How do you feel about sharing her sexually with another? Would this hurt? Ask her to be honest about what she wants from you, matter of factly.
If you can't handle a relationships with her, either platonic or shared, then you have an awkward situation you need to resolve. The answer is keep saying, texting, emailing "No thanks" and move on - it's okay to do that - it's time to do that.
She's obviously regretting breaking up you and still cares about you a lot more than she thought she would, but because you aren't succumbing to her advances, she keeps trying without actually telling you this. By taking you out to dinner, she is feeling you out to see if you could get back together (and if this is not the case, I don't know why you guys broke up but if its still a problem, then maybe she's just trying to see if it changed.)
Honestly, you seem to be over her and if you don't want to be with her, yes be mature and go but make it clear that it's not what you want anymore. She needs to realize that she let you go and she shouldn't expect anything out of you.
What Guys Said 5
Don't go, she broke up with you, obviously lost a great guy, now let her deal with consequences... if she contacts you that much, she probably wants to get back together, she actualy seems really desperate... it's you're choice on what you want to do, there really is no reason to feel guilty if you don't go, and if you do, just catch up and that's it, if she makes a move, deny her. good luck
"You don't know what you've got, until it's gone". Your ex is dumb, just like my ex and decided to leave a good guy. Women don't realize at that age that good guys are very hard to find. They want us to be jerks so they can change us and blah blah blah. You didn't chase her, you didn't put her on a pedestal. Basically now she is trying to work her way back into your life. Also another thing is, she could know that you are over her finally and hate it. So that's another reason why she's coming back.