Should I keep trying or just let her go?

maximusprime
I met this girl when I got a new job this summer. She's a senior in high school and I'm a freshman in college. We started working together and she liked me a lot first and was flirty and eventually I noticed it and started to really like her. We texted all day and would always talk online at night until like 1am. We were never official but we were going out. We hung out and stuff and then one day she asked if I wanted to smoke weed with her the next day (I had never smoked before that day). I said yes right away because I just wanted to spend time with her and I didn't really care what we were doing. So we go out and smoke and it was really fun: I was more high off of being with her than with smoking weed. On the walk back she keeps walking closer to me and I was scared to make a move (I'm really shy and to be honest have never had a girlfriend before) then she puts her arm in mine and we walked for a little bit like that. I had to leave after that so we parted ways. To make a long story short, after that I began smoking more and more because I wanted to feel as happy as I did when I smoked with her. But I could never reach that happiness because she was never with me when I smoked. I became a pothead and was a totally different person who she didn't like, then a week before summer ends she told me that she "couldn't see us being together unless I prove to her that I can change" because I was out of control smoking all the time. Basically that was a punch in the face so I quit immediately (I've smoked once while at college so far, so I've basically been clean for about 4 months now) and pretty much poured my heart out to her in an apology letter. Since then I've seen her once or twice a month maybe, with not that much contact between times. I'm trying really hard to be myself and the guy she liked but I don't always know what to do. I'm doing what I feel is right but I don't know if it's working. And in the meantime, I hurt every day because I'm not with her, don't know what she's feeling or thinking, and don't know if this will ever work out.

I still really like her and really want to be with her. I would do absolutely anything for her even if it meant never seeing her again. I just want her to be happy but I don't always know how to make her happy. It seems like if I keep trying, it might not even work out and then I'll just have hurt longer than necessary, but if I let it go then I'll hurt even more because my heart will break.

My question is: do I keep trying to get her to like me again or do I just let it go and try to find someone at college?
Should I keep trying or just let her go?
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