One minute he wants a relationship the next he doesn't. what does this guy mean?

[jolee1]

my ex of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. he came into my work several days later and sent me texts that night saying he was depressed and never deserved me and that I am amazing and its going to take a long time to get over me.

a week later he comes into my work again.

i called him afterward told him to stop coming in.

he texted me back

"that it was really hard seeing me too and that his friends wanted to go"

i didn't reply

and he texted back an hour later saying

"u got to understand it hurts me to see you to I didn't break up with cos I don't like you I need you to know that" I didn't rreply

so he called me like 10 min later we spoke for a long time on the phone

turns out he didn't want to break up with me and was annoyed I logged on his fb and questioned him about a particular message. He thought I hadn't changed and didn't trust him

he then said he wanted to see me and hang out

he said he's thinking about the idea of getting back together and says we will take it slow but not sure yet. I stayed the night he said he'd call me Wednesday but he didn't. so I'm guessing he will call tomorrow.

what do you think this guy wants. one minute he wants a relationship the next he doesn't. he said he doesn't want to be single so he can go around with others he's not interested in that at all. he just wants to surf spend time with his friends and work his 55 hour weeks

[Wayne83]

He broke up with you because you questioned him about a message on Facebook. If he is not man enough to talk things out with you when you are upset then he is not worth your time. Jealousy is a sign of love and a sign that you care. He could have easily explained himself. Sounds like he is young and has no idea what he wants. Also sounds like he is not ready to settle down yet he is in the chill with my friends and do what I want phase. Nothing wrong with forgiving him and being his friend but the break up reason was a big red flag. He already showed you how much he respects you and your feelings by ending the relationship over something so petty. 2 years is a long time so I know you probably still have strong feelings and that's fine but please think about if this is really want. There could be a guy out there waiting for you ready to give you all of the love and respect you deserve.

[jolee1]

thankyou as I commmeted on amydoves comment below. its not the first time I've done it. I have asked over millions of Facebook I go on his account with out permssion bad I know. he's actually a bit older than me believe it or not he's 26 I'm 21. I don't know why I do it cause I do trust him. he would never every cheat its been done to him by his last 2 gf's. I think I just worry about loosing him all the time so I panic.

[Wayne83]

It doesn't change the fact that he could not just talk things out with you. If he really loved you he would constantly assure you there was no reason to be jealous. Especially if he knew about your condition. How many times have you broken up and how many times did he call the breakup? I'm trying to save you future heartache. You seem like such a sweet girl. Hate seeing your type get hurt.

[jolee1]

4 times :(. I love him so much I know there are other men out there but I really want a future with him. if I didn't love him it would be so much easier I have tried in the past really hard to get over him. he seems to never get over me either he always intiates getting back together?

[Wayne83]

4 times? Was he the one that broke up with you every time?

[jolee1]

yes well one of them was me

[Wayne83]

Sunshine, no man that loves and respects his woman breaks up every time there is some conflict. So far the reasons for breaking up have been weak. What happens when you end up having real serious issues to deal with? No man is worth your tears. A man that loves you won't make you cry or hurt you.

[AmyDove]

That sounds like a bit of a silly reason to be texting you and telling you he wants to split up. Kind of sounds like he's turning it back on you for having general concern about a message...guilty conscience perhaps? (just thinking out loud)

I think he's overracting a lot over all this and maybe he's enjoying the attention with you being at his beck and call and having to wait around for him to make his mind up. However, as all this appears to have blown up, maybe it's a good opportunity for you to tell him how you feel too, he feels you don't trust him and by the looks of it you have issues about him aswell. Maybe use this to your advantage and lay your cards on the table with each other to try to work things out? :)

[jolee1]

the things is I have an anxiety disorder I only found out recently. I used to check his Facebook all the time and question him over things constantly. my friends would tell me its nothing don't worry. but with my disorder I tend to panic over the tinest things. so for a year I've been doing this too him its taken its toll. we broke up 3 months ago but we got back together that's when I found out I had the disorder this I the first time I have done it in 3 months. ?

[AmyDove]

Are you getting help with the disorder? I can partly see why he saw red when you did it but at the same time you are having to deal with this and it's hard for you aswell, you're doing well and he should still try to support you as much as he can. Maybe a period of time away from each other might help you to handle things better? I can imagine it might add to your anxiety in a relationship like this right now? Facebook really is a strain on most people's relationships at times

[jolee1]

yes exactly right. its is pretty dam tough I've just started medication about 2months ago. changed recently about 3 weeks ago. and I start psycholgist appts in a month. its going to be a long haul I don't know the difference anymore between real concern or if its just my disorder confusing me. he knows but most people take it odly when I tell them he was understanding tho. what should I do. do you think he still wants to be with me. should I tell him I do trust him?

[AmyDove]

Well as you said, you're unsure right now how you feel. I think it might be best to have a bit of time away from each other (at least until you're in regular therapy). He might be half angry and half wanting to help you. He probably doesn't even know how to. It's like the blind leading the blind. If he loves you he will let you deal with this and be in control of it. He wanted to try again, that shows that he cares. But right now things will only get worse if it continues the way it is

[Skygirljenn]

He just wants to make sure you are there on the back burner just in case he feels he wants to spend time with you. Send him packin!