What is the difference between silent treatment and no contact after breakup ?

I often hear giving your ex the silent treatment. Is that the same as n/c ?

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and we have no contact completely for 8 weeks. He did not acknowledge my birthday, when I sent him email & text to wish him Merry Xmas, he did not respond. Our breakup was not overly negative, and is not we grew out of love. I first initiated the breakup due to misunderstanding, I regret it, and wanted to get back together, but he didn't want to give us a second chance. We were together for 6 years, we love each other very much, but we just cannot be together anymore, he had to let go of the relationship is more for my sake and happiness. We still have feelings for each other even though we're apart. But I just don't understand how can he be so cold to me after the breakup ? How can he acts like this to someone that he has loved for so many years ?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think there's any effective difference between "no contact" and "silent treatment". What matters is that he doesn't want to talk to you.

    "I just don't understand how can he be so cold to me after the breakup." He's not being cold to you. You're interpreting his behavior as cold. It's an important distinction.

    "How can he acts like this to someone that he has loved for so many years ?" Again, you're probably interpreting his behavior incorrectly: he's not acting like he does in order to irritate, hurt or offend you. He's in a lot of pain now, too, but he's handling it differently.

    In my case, I don't want to talk to a girl for a long time after a breakup. I don't want to be her friend. I don't want to be friendly. It's not because I hate her, not because I'm being cold or want to hurt her. It's how I protect myself from the hurt. Talking to her, emails from her, it can all feel like reopening a wound. Lots of guys are like this.

    I know you're in a world of pain and confusion now, but it'll get better. For your sake, stop contacting him. Each time he doesn't reply, it's an excuse to torment yourself with questions.

    • Yea I think Atomizer's answer is correct. me and my ex dated a year and didn't talk for 6 months after we broke up. we tried emailing, but it didn't work. he wanted friendship and I didn't at that time. slowly, we kinda stayed in contact every 6 months, sometimes more often then others. we finally decided to be friends and we kinda talk.

      you need to look at it the way he is. tell yourself, this break is good. go out with friends. experience single life. maybe that is what he wants? anyways, relax

What Guys Said 5

  • lol women are crazy and men are stupid...it's the mystery's of life...everything from pride, to being simply afraid, can make us not see the other side...our emotions just aren't wired the same way either...

  • Maybe three months hasn't been enough time for him. He does still care for you, but is probably trying to get over you right now. I know that I felt really close to this one girl recently and thought she felt the same, but now as much as I want to I don't talk to her anymore and my focus is meeting other women to get over her.

    Yes, I sent her the "Merry Xmas text" as well and got no response.

    Six years is a long time with someone and three months is probably like no time in getting over you.

    But now I realize that I can...

    a. continue dwelling over this person, continue to get no response and continue to feel frustrated and confused and sad.


    b. forgive and forget this person and move on. meeting other women is how I plan to move on.

    I don't know if this is right. I don't know what it's like to be with someone for six years.

  • For me< I am giving my ex the silent treatment, I"m not mad at her or hate her, but for me to get over her, I have to have no contact with her. I still care about her but I have to get over her and to do that I can't see or talk to her. Because if I see or even hear her voice some of those feelings come back and I don't want it to. Maybe he's just trying to get over you and when he does or is with someone else he'll respond to you. Although by then for you that might not be a good thing. Feel free to ask q's.

    • Completely agree with you

    • What happens when you think you're over her and later you see/hear from her again? Could you become attracted to her again? Especially if she's changed for the better?

    • That is the question. Hopefully over time you will run into her and you will feel nothing because you have already moved on and maybe with someone that is more compatatble with you then her. I know I'll eventually see her again and I hope I will be over her. If you have to ask yourself iv you are over her then you are not. The closest way to know without actually seeing her is that you find yourself thinking about her less and less till you don't at all.

  • He appear to be cold, yet he made the choice because he feels that it is best things that he could do at that time. But I'm pretty sure tho that he has thought about you, and he wonders how your doing...! Yet he has no choice, but to walk away at this moment because he intends to end this relationship, he intends to let the time heal what was done by Love.


What Girls Said 4

  • When I think of Silent Treatment, it usually pertains to someone you see everyday and just ignoring them. When I think of No Contact, it means that you rarely see each other and don't make attempts towards contact.

    He's just as heart-broken as you are. Sometimes people just don't want to be bothered or reminded of what you used to have in the relationship. Six years is a long time and once you are free of the relationship, you are free.

    Put your heart back together because you initiated it and accept responsibility for dumping him. You cannot blame him for not wanting to be in contact with someone he cannot be with anymore.

    Is it cold? Well yes. You've been in a long-term relationship and haven't had to experience being treated that way. Sure there may have been some arguements, but nothing to this degree right? But how did you really expect him to react? Did you think that he was gonna hang around and be 'best buds' with you after you dumped him? I'm being straight with you that's what's going through his mind. He has every right to be angry as does any person who's been dumped. You expected way too much from him too soon. You have to give the guy time. How long that's going to be I don't know but there's nothing you can do to speed it up. As a matter of fact, the more you try to contact him in any way, the more cold his behavior will be towards you.

    Give it a rest and you will have to move on until he's ready to talk to you at all. You may find that he's going to be a jerk for a while so that you stay away. A good defense mechanism for heart protection LOL! If he wants you back find out why, he may just want to get you back to hurt your feelings. So find out his intentions if and when it happens. Good luck Happy New Year!

  • he's trying to move on...and since you broke it off allow him his space to at least think...only time will tell

  • if my ex broke up with me and is giving me the silent treatment but loves me do you think cause im not contacting him and trying like i have in the past to make it work do you think he could just take space figure his stuff out he may realize we could work if we both but the effort in not just 90 percent and him ten i know he loves me but we have had out ups and downs

  • the silent treatment eventually ends and its more like ignoring someone and one person is chasing after the other trying to make it end while no contact is just final no contact. usually the silent treatment is out of anger or hurt or something along those lines and no contact is just drifting or getting bored of that person. love is complicated.