My ex is crawling back to me - what should I do?

[Anonymous]

my ex left me for another guy because I started to become an asshole (I wasnt romantic I would critizise her and so on, but I never physically hurt her)

3 months later she wants to have sex with me and we haven't talked to each other in over 2 months (we started talking again cause of christmas) she then breaks up with her boyfriend and now she wants to be with me again because she misses me and saw how much I have changes in the past 3 months (I got a job a car I got into med school and I have more ambition in my life) before I was a lazy, stubborn and hard headed child.

the thing is I still love her but I don't no if I should be with her because on how she left me for another guy

she tells me she hasn't had sex with him only that they kissed but everyone kisses.

my friends were there to help me in my time of need and told me if I get back with her they would kick my ass because they don't want me to make a stupid mistake.

the whole reason why she left me because I was an ass and I shouldnt blame her for it. its just I'm confused on what to do with her she wants to hang out again and she's already wanted to have sex.

i have no problem doing its just what will happen between us if we go through with it.

[amberview]

Well, breaking up with you is better than cheating on you. It shows good character actually. Did she try to work with you on things when you were being an asshole? Did she tell you it hurt her feelings when you criticized her?

And if you were being an asshole then she was perfectly justified in getting out. It doesn't even matter if they had had sex except that you'd want to be sure it was safe sex and probably practice safe sex anyways. She's already wanting to have sex, because you guys had sex before I'm guessing.

You'll never know what will happen between you if you do not explore it. I'd tell her you'd like to hold off on sex though. Sex just complicates things and if you can wait until you are sure you'd like to get back with her then things will be better and perhaps end better if that is what is coming in the future.

[Asker]

Yea I just never listened to her

[rosc074]

Where do you draw the line of "cheating?" Finding someone else before you break up isn't that good of character, come on. To a degree that is cheating. I think people find it justifying because they do that themselves. Accepted into society - yes but good character - you have got to be kidding me.

[amberview]

I guess it is perspective. I'd rather the person I love remain with me if they are in love with me. When they don't want to be with me any more, I'd rather they just tell me they don't want to be there or that they can work on the relationship. I'd rather the person leave me first before cheating. We don't know all the details. There is his story, her story and the truth. It's not saying that one would lie, but it would be the perspective of each person.

[rosc074]

Yeah I agree, just different perspectives. I forgot to say in my earlier comment but I 100% agree with your second and third paragraphs.

[amberview]

Gotcha. I understand what you were trying to say, too. I guess in my relationships, the guys tried to drop hints when they wanted to end it, cheated, and when I finally figured it out I'd feel pretty ticked. It colors my perspective. We'd all get along better if we all communicated with each other better. Leaving yourself open for a new relationship when the other isn't over isn't good. It's not right, but it might of been her coping mechanism for trying to get over him in the first place.

[Chrissy0038]

i think she is coming back to you for 2 reasons

1) she is gonna use you bcuz she realized that you have ALL that and shit and bcuz ur like her 3rd wheel

2) but if the relationship was good before like love and stuff then maybe she realized that ur the only guy she cares for and wants you back and realizes what she's missing out on and really maybe does miss you

Only you know the answer to that bcuz it depends on what kinda girl she is

ask yourself is she the type to use a guy for his nice car or his money? is she a gold digger

or does she really care for u. so when you get those answered you will already know the answer to ur question =]

[Asker]

We were together for 4 years and I had no car no job and stuff she left me because I had no ambition now I do and now she wants me back

[Chrissy0038]

Well tthen there!! you answered ur questiong now only you would know if you want her back=]]

make the rite decision... that was a long time

[Asker]

The only problem that's really bugging me is that I don't no if I should because she was really honest to me on what she did with her ex boyfriend they didn't have sex but they did other things like she would send him some nudey pictures would strip for him on her webcam and she was fingered by him. I just feel weird if I date her again like my mind sas no because she did those things with him and my heart tells me yes because I know I still love and care for her.

[Chrissy0038]

Well they were dating what do you expect but hey at least they didn't have sex. be happy about that if you truley love her give her a chance and then everything will hopefully fall into place... And THEY WERE DATING!! so you can't be mad at the things she did with him if you were with a girl after her you wouldve probably f***ed her be thankful she didn't go that far =]]

[Asker]

I know your right but she is scared to come back to me because she doesn't want to hurt me anymore.

and she is also scared that if she does come back to me her ex will blackmail her with the pictures she gave him.

[Chrissy0038]

Well what she has to do is try to get rid of those pix somehow & if she can't then to bad if she realy luvs you she won't care bout getin blackmailed. usualy getin blackmailed like that is bad bcuz then a lot of guys are gonna think This and That about you but since she's gonna be with you and she knows you love her and she loves you no picture should hold her back. but also its more of her problem not really urs.

[Anonymous]

So your holding back because she left you for another guy, that is understandable because that stuff really hurts. My ex dumped me for another girl and I still am not over it. The thing with your situation is she really dumped you because you were an ass to her and this guy wasn't. She wants you back now because she sees the good in you again.

I would hang out with her and see what happens. But don't do anything physical unless you decide you are getting back together. And don't get back together unless you talk about everything that went wrong before and find a way to prevent it from happening again.

[Chronic_Leonic]

I found this story sort of encouraging because our circumstances our identical. She broke up with me for someone else about a week ago now after 3 years together.

Sure, I was a bit of an ass but I always loved her more than life itself and she left me for someone else nonetheless. I still do love her more than anything the world despite how much pain this

Many keep telling me someday she will come crawling back to me and I often think of what I should do when that day comes. Many times I wonder if she'd even talk to me again after failing her, but I keep having these unhealthy fantasies our paths will somehow cross again.

I moved out, he moved. She never even took some time off for a single life.

One can only wonder what's to come for her...will she be happy with him, or someday perhaps miss me?

[rosc074]

Maybe you were an asshole or whatever but she decided she didn't want to be with you. She is the one that decided she wanted to leave you for someone else instead of work it out. I am 100% sure she will eventually find another something about you that she doesn't like or just find someone else that she would rather be with(which is basically what she did right?) and leave you again. Listen to your friends and just ignore her. It is really the best. You really really believe she wouldn't do something like that again? Ask herself this, did you believe she was going to in the first place? If for some chance you did, why were you with her then? Give her the boot! Believe me, I have been with girls like this before. They are just dumb bitches.

[Asker]

Lol your right maybe I should stop wasting my time and just find a new girl

[ALWAYSclassy]

If you were being an asshole then she should have broken up with you, so don't hold that against her.

Why does it matter if she had sex with her boyfriend? Unless she did it while you were still together that's a non issue.

She sounds kind of confusing. I don't get why she would randomly want to have sex with you if she hadn't talked to you in a while.

What do your friends see in her that's such a big mistake? Were there any other problems?

Take it slow and see what happens. She either really misses you or she's using you because of what you have now. Don't get back with her right away just hang out with her casually and feel her out. You will probably be able to tell what her intentions are. Good luck.

[blr231]

When I read this the first thing I thought was, Why did she want to all of a sudden have sex after you guys hadn't even talked in over 2 months? I don't know any girls that just do that. But I will say that when I broke up with a guy that I really loved I went back to my other ex like the next day, and I hadn't talked to him in a while and to be honest I was just looking for comfort since the guy I loved broke my heart and I know I led my ex on to think that I really cared when I was kind of just looking for someone to comfort me and to rebound with. Its so much easier for girls to rebound with an ex because you know that your ex cared for you at some point. So I kind of agree with your friends, but ofcourse I don't know the whole situation. I would just say to be very leery of her if you decide to hang out with her. She might still have feelings for her ex. Its also important for you to know if she broke up with her boyfriend or if he broke up with her,and why they broke up.

[Buttercup2009]

I was in a similar situation... but different. I broke up with my boyfriend and went back to my ex also. The reason I broke up with my boyfriend was because I missed my ex. that could be the case with your ex girlfriend too. It really depends on the situation. you really have to talk to her and figure out why they broke up like blr231 said. if it was her decision, id say that she really still likes you but if he dumped her then maybe your just there for comfort...

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[Anonymous]

I've had a similar situation happen to me. Personally, you two should talk it over as much as possible so that way neither of you get hurt again. In my situation we decided to stay friends, and it has worked out. Just go day by day, don't rush anything bro, hope this helps.