Should I allow my girlfriend to kiss other guys when she is out?

[Silence123]

My 20 year old girlfriend of two years has recently really gained an interest in nightclubs for the first time in her life. She has been going to them very frequently of late.

Last night, she asked me if I would give her my permission to be able to be touched, held and "just kissing or making out" with other men while she is out.

I am very commited to her and wouldn't dream of doing such things with other women. I believe that a relationship should be between two people only. I know many women don't necessarily feel that way though. I would like to tell her that I won't allow myself to be put in that position, but I worry that she will interpret my desires as clingy or overbearing.

Should I allow her to do what she wants with other men no matter how small she tries to pass it off as? Or should I use reverse psychology on her and tell her that it's a perfectly fine, good idea, as she will do such things regardless?

Tell her that I won't stand for it directly or use reverse psychology?

[fascination_streak]

Let's say you tell her to go ahead and do just that. Then, you find out later she performed say oral sex on a guy, made out heavily with a guy and wound up sleeping with him. Would you feel like she didn't cheat because you gave her the 'okay?' Then, where would the state of your relationship be? Would you be able to look at her the same? Would your heart speak of her as it does now or would you be sickened by her? I think you know the answer now.

The bottom line is this, you can go out clubbing and have fun. I used to go all the time and I was in a serious relationship at the time. I never cheated on my boyfriend at the time nor did I touch other guys. Either she is in a relationship with you and is dedicated to that OR she isn't so she can lead the single life. Personally, the whole idea of allowing my S.O. to be physical with someone else makes my blood boil and I'd probably dump him.

[Silence123]

The thing is, it's obvious to me that she will do what she wants to do, regardless of what I say. She will be expecting me to tell her that she shouldn't do it and that I think it's unacceptable etc. If I were to tell her that it was a good idea and that I "have no problem with it", perhaps it would cause her to not want to do it? People will always rebel against what someone says. It's like saying "Don't push the button." All anyone wants to do is push that button.

[fascination_streak]

I just don't think reverse psychology will work here. This is something that needs to be voiced. Moreover, if she 'will do what she wants to do' then that should be a huge red flag to you! That says there is a great propensity for her to cross the line. Hearing it from you should be enough for her to step back, show you and the relationship some respect and be mature. If she isn't able to do that then I am telling you, this is bound for trouble.

[brokenbutbreathing]

Hell no.. When I go out with my girlfriends we often get guys coming up trying to dance with us, but all but one of us is in a relationship so we all push the guys away.

I'm pretty open minded about that sort of thing, but making out with random guys whilst you're in a relationship is a no-no.

The question is, how to word it?

Personally, I don't think you should answer "yes I give you permission" or "no I don't". Or anything to that effect. Instead, explain how you feel. Tell her that you think a relationship should just be between two people.

Tell her you're not clingy, you do trust her and you have no problem with her talking to other males.. But that making out with them and generally being intimate is going too far.

[runnnnnner]

NO, remind her that she is in a relationship with YOU, solely you. If she wanted to kiss other guys, maybe she should be in relationships with them. That sounds a bit harsh, but honestly - if she wants to "just" kiss, I believe it has potential to escalate into "just" heavy petting, and "just" casual empty sex. This may not be true for you or her, but it is definitely possible.

Also, if she asked you - she obviously realizes it could make you uncomfortable, and may, therefore, be wrong - so to speak. Hope that makes sense[:

[Prof_Don]

Dude...you're "playing games". Be honest.

Tell her HOW YOU FEEL. Don't command, but tell her that you don't like her grinding and kissing on other guys when she's out clubbing.

In the nicest way possible...you're being a doormat by even considering sacrificing your feelings to let YOUR WOMAN whore around in nightclubs.

Honestly, this damaged-goods girlfriend of yours needs to be dumped NOW. Don't you realize that she's emotionally using you?

Not to be an ass...by her conduct as mentioned in your question, she doesn't deserve the title of "girlfriend".

DTB...ASAP!

[Hartmut]

You're clearly not okay with the idea, so you're entirely within your rights to voice your dissent. If she goes and does it anyway, then she's not worth your time. It was incredibly selfish and insensitive of her to even consider it.

[tohrment]

:O

Telling her you are uncomfortable with that is NOT clingy or overbearing.

Monogamy is a key part of most relationships. If you don't want her to canoodle with other men, tell her that. Don't use reverse psychology. Maybe ask her how she'd feel if you were to do the same?

[saphirasilverwings]

May I point out that there are also many guys who don't necessarily think a relationship should be just between two people.

I do not think you should tell her she can do that if it isn't what you want as well. It's perfectly normal for people in committed relationships to NOT want their partners kissing other people. I'd never feel comfortable with my boyfriend doing that. You should stand up for how you feel and what you want. If she can't handle that, maybe you aren't right for each other.

[05Jueey]

That's so funny because my boyfriend and I had the EXACT same convo. He showed me how understanding he is by "allowing" me to kiss other people but no making out. I like the clubs so when I go I want to be able to grind with other guys. Of course it is so hard for him but like I said he is understanding. There is no "right" or "wrong" acts. What is cheating to one couple might be okay to another. It really just depends on what you and her have decided are your limits.

[05Jueey]

The fact that she asked shows how much she cares about you. Don't you think she could do it and not tel you? I think that's showing a lot. It all depends on how much you are willing to compremise

[Prof_Don]

Im curious...why do you wanna kiss on other people when you have a bf?

I'm curious as to where your head is at, because honestly I can't wrap my mind around the logic behind doing that.

[05Jueey]

Haha oh geez my logic? Well I am eighteen and I do want to have somewhat of a life before I get married and have kids

[goflipaburger]

No, don't use reverse psychology, be direct. If you don't like it, tell her that. Make your reasoning clear and simple, it can be as simple as "No, I am not comfortable with you making out with other guys, this is a monogamous relationship."

[Anonymous]

Telling her you aren't okay with it is NOT unreasonable or overbearing because I think she is stepping over a line. To me, making out with another person while you are in a relationship is cheating. Full on cheating.

By letting her do it, you're letting her walk all over you. You deserve better than that.

[Anonymous]

Time to get a new girlfriend buddy. What is this going to lead to? Stds, love traignles, bitchy drama, pregnancies...chaos...drama...mainly you raising a child of someone else?

Unfortunately people think any decision is a right aka smart decision based on anything that comes to them as a whim.

[Jager66]

shes going to cheat on you by some kind of lame "mistake" or she will just dump you, she has just discovered the abundance of d*** out there jumping at the chance to plow her field and she's drunk with all the attention.

[Anonymous]

"I believe that a relationship should be between two people only." Tell her if she wants to kiss other guys then to go ahead but she'll also do it single, because you won't take it.

[Saramodel]

I would allow her just like some of my boyfriends did

[-ALPHA-]

break up with her... she is being very disrespectful for even asking that!

[Reverie]

What? no.

She shouldn't had even considered it.

I'd tell her not to do it, flat out

[lily85462155]

that sounds like a horrible idea D: My boyfriend would NEVER NEVER NEVER be okay with me doing that...not that I would anyways but still .

[NonchalantBro]

you, sir, are a doormat

[Anonymous]

of course not. that's never ok

[sharktank]

DTB.