Should I apologize or leave things unsaid?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I broke up a few months ago and we decided to not have any contact. Recently that changed for various reasons and we got back in contact. It didn't end well. During our last conversation I said some things that I shouldn't have said. Its been about a month since then and I feel as though I should apologize. I felt like I should've immediately after we fought but he was angry and I didn't want to make it any worse for us. Is it better to apologize so that my ex knows that I don't think those things of him or should I leave things be? He is the one that ended contact and I don't want to keep dragging along our past. Neither of us cheated or did anything along those lines, we just weren't ready to be in a relationship and it didn't work out.

Would you want your ex to apologize or would you prefer they just walked out of your life completely?

[DebiPie]

I'd want an apology & end it on a good note. Then the both of you can at least feel good about each other. You will not have these feelings of things being left undone. And he probably will always think you can't stand him. Clear it up, whether it's by phone, email, note or you text him. Do it, short & sweet. I wouldn't do it in person because you two might "go off" again. Sounds like it might be too soon to get together & do that.

Do it, you'll feel better for it. But do not expect anything from it back from him when you do. He may not respond at all, he may say "Oh sure, etc.," and that's OK, you're doing this for you, to make it right because of what you said to him.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[DebiPie]

You're welcome.

[VetteGirl]

A lot depends on how long you've known each other and how strong your relationship was. In general, it is better to not promote ill will and just text a short apology note to end things. On the other hand, if both of you or your ex thinks you're lower than snail slime, just leave it be and move on.

[TheDigitalSaint]

If what you said was really harmful, sure, go ahead and apologize. Tell him that right now it isn't meant to be between us, but that you felt like less of a person for getting out of line. Keep the apology direct, simple and without any kind of conditions for what may or may not happen between the two of you in the future. I can always admire a woman capable of apologizing for an outburst.

[Asker]

I definitely feel like I should apologize. What I said wasn't something I should've and I know the impact it had on my ex. I guess I just don't want him to feel like our break-up is never going to end. We broke up months ago and we're still fighting about things. Only recently did he call it quits. I've been really immature and made things difficult for him and I want to apologize. I just don't want to because him anymore pain or stress than I already have.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Just call him, it will be a weight off your chest.

[Asker]

I'm positive he would not answer my call. Part of him calling it quits was completely walking away...no phone calls, texts, or even fb lol. We see each other constantly because work.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Confront him during the downtime at work in a private place, or after work as you guys are leaving. Of course, be careful not to spread it to the rest of your office.

[martyfellow]

Apologizing just delays them leaving yur life. What's the point, unless it's some major issue that will impact you later? Just let them go with the least conflict and trouble!

[Asker]

I think the issue is that we will always be in each others lives. Family, friends, and both our jobs overlap. That's why leaving things be the way they are bothers me. I know what I said to him hurt him and I behaved incredibly immaturely that night. I think apologizing will put him at ease and make react less strongly to me being around. Right now he flips out every time we're near one another but like I said it can't be avoided anymore than it already is.

[martyfellow]

He probably has blocked this out of his mind..your bringing it up again will only make him flip out again, I'm afraid!

[prettymuscle]

well you can do both, because what's the point in staying in contact , that services no reason, ask your self that

[Asker]

I meant in regards to leaving things be. Would you want to hear an apology or would that just make you angrier with your ex?

[prettymuscle]

i would rather hear a apology from them but after a while it wouldn't matter, because down the road you will drift apart, and not talk anymore, am pretty sure you had people in your life who you drifted away from